“Kenwood”
Weybridge, Surrey
December 23 - 24, 1965
Cynthia*
Dot was long gone by the time they had arrived back at Kenwood. It was nearly midnight before she was able to get him up the stairs. Neither one said a word until they reached his room.
“Stay with me,” he mumbled as he sat down on the edge of his bed, pulling off his boots.
“Easy John…just hold on…” She reached behind his pillow and smiled briefly. He still kept his pajamas bottoms there. “Here, put these on and I’ll bring you some water.”
He nodded and took them from her, placing them to the side as he pulled his jumper up and over his head. Once he managed that, she felt she could leave him to get undressed on his own while she went downstairs to the kitchen.
She tried to tell herself that she had done enough; she got him home, he was safely upstairs in his bed. She could leave. She could easily go home to herfiance, but something was keeping her there. She wanted to stay with him, take care of him - just, be with him. Something always seemed to bring her back to John.
When she came back upstairs to his bedroom, she found him laying on his back on the bed, staring at the ceiling. “I could be happy with you by my side…” he sang, “if I could forget her, but it’s my pride yes it is, yes it is… oh yes it is…”
She knew the song well now and remembered him singing it to her as they danced the night of Rich and Mo’s wedding. She had heard it the first time on the radio only a few months later. It still gave her chills.
”I’ve brought you some water.” She walked over to him.
He propped himself up on his elbows and looked at her. “I should start giving you song credits y’know.”
She shook her head, “Stop it.”
“Have you heard the new one luv? Came out only a few weeks back…” He gave her a goofy grin, tongue in cheek before singing, “…but of all these friends and lovers…there is no one compares with you…” He fell back hard on the bed, suddenly turning serious. “…and these memories lose their meaning when I think of love as something new…”
“You should drink some of this…”She walked over to him, carefully handing him the glass.
“That’s you I’m singing about.” He sat up again and took the glass of water, drinking most of it in one go. “All the other women, even Julie…none of them ever mattered except you.”
“Just lay down and take it easy…we can talk about it another time.”
“I love you Cyn. I always have and I always will.” He said defiantly.
“Right.”
“I did love Julie, I think…and God knows I love a good shag…but for whatever reason it always comes back to you.” He hiccuped. “I’m not me without you. Do you have any idea how fuckin’ easy it is to completely lose yourself in this kind of life? I know it’s fucked up, I’m fucked up, everything’s completely fucked Cyn - but I still love you.”
“John please…”
He persisted, “You were engaged once before if you remember correctly.”
She gave him a look, “Don’t you start with that.”
“That didn’t last long did it? I know you remember that night as well as I do.”
She sighed, “Of course I do, but that was over seven years ago. We were babies.”
