December 25, 1967
Knightsbridge, London
*John
John woke up that morning exhausted and preoccupied. He had made love to her and, though he felt relieved to have her back in his arms as she slept soundly beside him, he couldn't get Yoko out of his mind. He sighed deeply as he glanced down at Cynthia, bringing her closer and softly kissing the top of her head.
"Fuck," he muttered.
Despite how much he would always love her, he wondered if she could be the kind of partner he needed right now. He still wanted to be out there; there was still so much more to do. Yoko wanted the same things. She'd be with him, out front, leading the way. Cyn knew he was was growing tired of being a Beatle, but she didn't know he wasn't ready to settle down yet.
What else could he have done after reading her letter? He was alone, on Christmas, and the woman he had loved for a fucking decade decided it was a good time to tell him she was still in love with him and determined to get him back.
"Mmm..." she yawned, waking up and running her right hand across his chest as she lifted her head to kiss him. "Happy Christmas luv."
She was beautiful, and as she playfully brushed aside his bangs, he immediately felt at ease. She had always had that effect on him. No matter what was going on, she managed to offer him some sort of relief.
"Happy Christmas Cyn." He kissed her again, harder this time and ran his fingertips along the small of her back beneath the covers, desperate to push Yoko out of his head. He wondered what she was doing right now. Was she opening up presents with her daughter, Kyoko? Was Tony there as well?
"Haven't you had enough?" Laughing, she pushed him away and turned the other way.
"Are you mad woman? I've never had enough...come 'ere..." He grabbed her under the covers, pinching her bottom and making her squirm as he buried his head into the back over her neck, kissing it gently and turning her over to face him. Her skin was warm and soft.
"I'm so happy you've come back to me..." she whispered against his lips between kisses.
He pulled away, frustrated with himself. He was driving himself mad.
"For fuck's sake!" He shouted, sitting up against the headboard and running both hands through his hair.
"What did I say? I thought we were going to..."
"fuck? I was trying to! but ya had to keep bloody harping on, didn't you?"
She kicked him under the covers.
"Fuckin' 'ell Cyn!"
"Don't speak to me like that."
He glared at her. "Y'know, we haven't been back together very long yet it feels like decades already."
"What's the matter with you?" She asked calmly, ignoring his comment.
"You distracted me! I was ready just then but you had to open your bloody mouth."
"But we always talk to eachother...well not 'talk' so to speak, but I always at least say I love you." She ran a hand over his. "We promised we would communicate more and be honest...tell me what's going on."
"Nothin'." He pulled his hand away. "I'm just knackered. This bed really is a piece of shite. I don't know how you manage to sleep on it."
She wasn't going to let him get away with it. Saying nothing, she moved the covers back slightly and climbed into his lap, kissing his cheek and then his lips.
"Cyn..." He closed his eyes. "Don't fuckin' do that..."
"No talking remember, and watch that mouth. Just let me love you for Christ's sake..." she kissed him again, pulling the covers up around them, "and shut your gob."
He kissed her back, wrapping his arms tightly around her waist, and heard her laugh quietly when he muttered, "I love you."
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"John. John wake up."
"Hmm..what...you've worn me out woman..." The light from the hall stung his eyes. "Shut the door will ya?"
She turned on the lamp beside the bed. "You need to get up. She's here. She's bloody turned up at my home for fuck's sake!"
Whenever Cyn said "bloody," he knew it was serious. "Fuck" was another story all together. She was beside herself as she paced back and forth at the foot of the bed.
"Please get up John!"
"What are you on about? Who's here?"
"Yoko!"
His stomach dropped and he felt the blood drain from his face as reality set in. "How..."
"You need to sort this out. She's downstairs. I didn't know what to do and let her in like a fool. She's upset. She said she left her daughter on Christmas to come find you. Oh Christ..." She covered her face and sat down on the bed.
"Tell her I'm not here..."
"Are you mad?! She KNOWS you're here!"
They were both cowards and he felt sick to his stomach.
"Why did you let her in! I would have expected you to tell her to fuck off!"
She didn't answer him and started to cry.
"Cyn come on..." He quickly threw on his pants and pulled his shirt off the chair that sat beside her bed. "Don't get upset."
"I can't help it. I'm completely overwhelmed at the moment...and I've seen the control she has over you..."
"I loved her, too, Cyn."
"Do you still love her?"
"I can't just bloody switch it off, can I!"
"This was a farewell shag, wasn't it? You fed me a load of nonsense about getting married and making it work this time when all you wanted was to get me into bed one last time because you were lonely on Christmas. Something to remember me by, eh? How could I have been so foolish?"
"Stop it!" He grabbed her arm hard and pulled her up to her feet and into his arms. Her insecurity left him speechless. "You can be as mad as I am sometimes, y'know that?"
In a weird way it made him feel better, to know her love for him could make her unravel like that. He had never seen her like this before.
"Tell her to go...just tell her to leave us alone."
"Look, Cyn." He sighed. "I fucking love you. I always have and I always will. You know that."
"There's going to be a 'but' at the end of that sentence isn't there?"
"But I need some time to sort it out with Yoko. I need to go back to Kenwood."
"No."
"Cyn."
"Normally you know I would let you go, allow you to sort it out on your own and stay out of it, but if you go back there with her....she'll convince you to stay with her. You won't come back."
"You need to trust me."
"This is mad. It's Christmas. You belong here with me."
"I'll have Les come back tonight and take you up to Hoylake."
"Ha! Sending me back to Hoylake are ya?" He knew she was in rare form as her northern accent became more pronounced.
"Enough!" He shouted. "I'm leaving with Yoko. I'll send a car for you so you can spend Christmas at your mother's."
She turned her back on him and said nothing. He went to step towards her but stopped himself. He had to get on. Yoko was downstairs waiting. He exhaled deeply and walked out the door, leaving the woman from his past behind him.
