I loved you in secret - walter x henry (young royals)

I'd go back in time and change it but I can't

Tw:panic attack

Walter

I tried to leave as soon as possible after the movie ended. I didn't want to get any chance to have to talk to Henry. I know that Simon said he might still be figuring stuff out and I can imagine that it's hard for him since his parents are homophobic but I just couldn't take it to have to see him.

I couldn't look him in the eyes knowing that he might not like me back. That he just used me and didn't want to be anything serious.

Maddie started a conversation with me after the movie finished and I really liked talking to her normally but at that moment I actually just wanted to leave and go into my room. But I was glad when I saw that Fredrika went to Henry to talk with him, at least he was talking to someone else and won't join us.

Gladly, I could escape soon because Felice told Maddie she needed to take something from the common room before curfew started. This was a perfect opportunity to leave as well. Henry was still talking to Fredrika, or more like waiting until she finished since he didn't seem to be very interested in the conversation, so I hoped I could avoid seeing him.

When I went into our room, turned on the light and felt like I could finally breathe free. The whole day I was scared that I would accidentally meet Henry somewhere, knowing I couldn't take it to see him or even have to talk to him after he told me he didn't want to be my boyfriend. Now I knew I only had a couple of minutes until he would come here as well since curfew will start in half an hour but every minute I don't have to see him meant a minute I could breathe without the fear of being on the edge of a breakdown again.

The whole last night I spent trying not to cry so Henry wouldn't hear how bad I felt. I just couldn't take him knowing how he made me feel while I knew he wouldn't change his mind because I was crying. Knowing that he used me to make out with him but that he didn't actually feel anything was the worst part about it.

I decided that I wanted to take a shower before I went to sleep since that often was a good way to clear my mind. I went to my closet to take out a towel, shampoo and my pyjamas, then I went and opened the door to see Henry standing in front of me. Our eyes connected immediately, I looked into his deep blue eyes, seeing some kind of sadness in them. I shook my head, forgetting that thought immediately. He told me he didn't want me, I am just imagining things, he can be sad and think about other things than me too.

"Sorry, I need to-"I squeezed away past him.

I went into the shower, my mind only turning around Henry. I haven't properly looked at him since our fight yesterday afternoon but now I had and he looked so...sad. He had dark circles under his eyes and looked like he hadn't slept in days. He looked so different from the person who told me they didn't love me yesterday. He looked so tired and done with everything. It made me feel sick seeing him like this.

I returned to our room about 15 minutes later, when I entered I saw Henry laying in his bed curled up, hiding his face in his mattress. I heard him silently sobbing and this was what made me decide that I had to go to him. No matter what happened between us, I couldn't stand seeing him cry, it hurt me already so much seeing him look so sad when we met at the door but hearing him cry broke my heart.

I threw all my things on my bed, not caring if anything fell down next to the bed and walked up to Henry's bed. I knelt down in front of him, putting my hand on his arm, gently caressing it with my thumb.

"Hey, what's up?"I kept my voice low, not wanting to scare him. Henry turned his head to look at me, His eyes were red and glassy, tears still streaming out of his face. Strands of his hair have fallen in his face, looking a bit wet, probably from the tears.

"I'm sorry"He mumbled between sobs,"I'm sorry, Walter...I'm so sorry."

"Hey. it's gonna be okay."I tried comforting him.

"No, it's not...I ruined everything"

"You didn't. We can talk about it"I gently pushed the hair that had fallen into his face away to be able to look at him properly. Then I got up and sat down on the bed next to where Henry was laying.

"Come here."I opened my arms for him to sit up so I could give him a hug. As soon as he sat, he let himself fall into my arms, leaning his head against my shoulder, tears continuing to stream out of his eyes. I placed my arm around his shoulders, caressing his side for comfort.

We stayed like this for a while, I could feel Henry needed just to cry for a bit and I also felt like I needed to have this moment with him now.

"I'm sorry"Henry murmured when he had calmed down a bit,"When you wanted to talk about the kiss...I just...I got so scared...Besides you no one really knows I'm bi and...and you know my parents...and I got scared what would happen if we are more than friends."

"I get it"I started trying to explain myself after Henry was finished,"When you said I shouldn't tell anyone the day after the party, I understood because we had only kissed once but when you told me you didn't want to be my boyfriend yesterday, it really hurt. It felt like you only used me to make out with me and that hurt me so much. I really like you and I felt so stupid and used afterwards."

"I'm sorry I made you feel this way, if I could, I'd go back in time and change it, but you know, I can't."Henry snuggled closer to me, looking up to me for a short time, giving me a little smile.

"I know"Then I just kept talking, feeling the need to tell him everything now,"Remember when I got a panic attack at dinner a couple of days ago?"Henry nodded his head against my shoulder."It started 'cause I was so scared someone would find out that we kissed 'cause Wille asked where we've been and I was so scared what would happen if they did. I was scared that the other's would hate us or that our parents would be contacted and they would try to separate us and what would happen to us."I took a short pause,"So you're not the only one who is scared but I think we won't ever find out if we won't try."

"Can we just..."Henry spoke up a while later,"Can we just keep it lowkey for a while in front of everyone else? I need some time before I'm ready to tell everyone."He held his voice quietly.

"Yeah of course"I smiled even though I knew Henry won't see it,"Whenever you're ready we can start telling people in a way that we're both comfortable with."

I slightly let go of him, turning around to be able to face him while he did the same so our noses collided, making us both erupt into giggles. Henry then took my face in both his hands, pulling me in for a sweet kiss. Feeling his lips against mine after more than a day felt amazing. I knew I missed him much but feeling him kissing me again made me realise just how much I missed him. Feeling the warmth of his hands on me and his lips against mine was something so special. It felt like coming home to something I never knew I missed.

When we parted from the kiss again, I just couldn't help myself but smile and Henry must've felt the same, a smile spread over his whole face. He then wrapped his arms around my neck and pulled me down until we were both laying on his bed, my face on his chest. He brushed his hands through my hair while I was nuzzling my nose against his chest. I looked up at him, his head thrown behind, laying on his pillow while he was giggling. I crawled up so that my face was on the same height as his, leaning down to give him another kiss on his lips.

"I missed you"I confessed after some more kisses, laying down next to him then.

"I missed you too"He turned to face me, pulling some strands of hair behind my ear. He was looking at me, a smile never leaving his face. Then his eyes were looking deep into mine, I could feel my face blushing, feeling so incredibly happy to have him.

"So, what are we now?"I tried asking again, avoiding Henry's gaze, looking down.

"I was thinking...that maybe you want to be my boyfriend?"Henry suggested, I could feel him keeping his gaze on me.

"Of course"I looked up, leaned closer to him and gave him a short peck on his lips.

"And as you know...boyfriends go on dates"Henry continued,"So might want to know if you wanted to go to watch redlight with me in the cinema as soon as it's released?"

"Definitely. I'm always free for you."I could feel the smile over my whole face, feeling so giddy. Henry was smiling just as much and his cheeks were blushing. He looked so cute like that, all the sadness from before long forgotten. Just the two of us together.