The Miscreants of Xiphoid Camp [NOT UPDATING CURRENTLY]

» 2130 « Chapter 2 - Welcome to Xiphoid

Avior had been about to actually die when the toothpaste-colored bus came to a merciful, silent halt. Through the windows, he could see nothing but towering trees stretching upward into oblivion, and as the doors opened, he could hear the lake water rushing fast and impulsive, ready to pull anyone stupid enough to get near it into its current. Was he talking about the lake or himself?

The daylight and heat were blinding after being on a cool, shadowed bus for who knows how long. Avior squinted and brought up a hand to shield his eyes. It never got this bright at the Viator estate. All around him, people were chattering excitedly, covering up the sound of the lake. Avior wanted them to shut up. He wasn't like these happy people. He was angry and hateful and—

"Ready to get to camp, everyone?" the bus driver called out. "Now, it's a bit of a hike, but it'll be good preparation for the physical tests you're going to be put to in the next few months! Follow me, campers!"

Avior trailed listlessly slightly behind the crowd, both due to his reluctance to be in their midst and the added weight of the suitcase. The sun beat down like it had a personal vendetta against him, and the path was long and dusty. Please let the cabins be air-conditioned, he begged whatever higher power might be listening. He wasn't built for this weather—he was sure he would melt.

Finally the group, which Avior had come to understand was not the total amount of campers, as some traveled by car, came to a stop before a large, wrought-iron gate and a small cabin off to the side. A man stepped out of it. He grinned widely and waved at the campers, bus driver, and Avior, hurrying over to the cluster of people. Beyond the gate, Avior could see that the path continued until it reached a giant cabin off in the distance, splitting off to lead to other, smaller cabins along the way.

While Avior had been distracted looking at the campground, the man had finished speaking with the bus driver and now stood directly in front of Avior. "Hello, new camper!" he exclaimed, making Avior flinch at the sudden noise. "Welcome to Xiphoid Camp!" he said cheerfully, clasping his hands in front of him earnestly. "I'm Fred Finch, one of two head counselors here at Xiphoid Camp!" Fred Finch was short and seemed to be just slightly overweight. He had very large ears. Avior disliked him immediately.

"Oh, hold on, I'll be right back!" Fred Finch exclaimed, dashing back into the cabin. Through the tiny window, Avior watched him pick something up off a desk and then press a big, shiny button. The gate swung open and Fred Finch came back out with a clipboard and a pen. To the crowd he said "go ahead on through!" To Avior he said, "Do you mind filling this out?" and shoved the clipboard at him. There was some sort of form on it. Avior did not write in it. He simply doodled all over the page, ignoring the blanks that he was supposed to be filling in. He didn't care about this. He wanted to leave.

"Lefty, are you?" Fred Finch remarked. Avior's head snapped up.

"What?" he asked. Had Fred Finch just caught him doodling? Now he would certainly find out about Avior's deepest secret. He braced himself for the coming humiliation.

"You're left-handed," Fred Finch said, nodding toward Avior's grip on the pen.

Oh. Avior just bobbed his head in response and went back to the form.

As he added the finishing touches to an alien at the bottom of the page, a small arrow indicating that there was a second side caught his eye. Avior sighed and flipped it over. To his delight, the questions now simply gave three options. He circled the one on the far left for all of them. He then capped the pen and handed the clipboard back to Fred Finch, who gave it a quick once-over and raised his eyebrows in a frustratingly ambiguous way. "Thanks!" he said. "Don't worry about any of the questions, it doesn't actually matter how you answer them!" He leaned in close. "And most of them are rhetorical!" he said like he was letting Avior in on some great conspiracy.