Would You Rather

45 - WYR: freeze to death or get frozen out

ima need everyone to get comfy. :) and also know that I wrote this in a northern december wherin i had to walk a mile to class in -10 degree weather rather frequently (-23 celsius). 
THAT inspired this. 
god. the windchill. u show up to ur midterm and the second u get warm ur nose just starts running like crazy and you gotta choose between nice hair and HAVING EARS when you get to class. pain. 

FINLEY

12/29

I cut my hair this morning. Most of it. Dani did too. Laney finally warmed up on all of us and when she figured out that Dani wasn't going to break if she messed up her phrasings or whatever, she actually got quite funny.

I don't really know why I did it. It already feels really weird to me. My hair has been down to my hips since I was fifteen. Dani didn't recognize me without it. But she was there for it today, to help, and when I cut it, just like I expected, she still knew who I was. The whole thing was just something that I held onto because I thought she might not recognize me. Turns out it wasn't her that was stuck on it, it was me.

So I think it's good. Having shoulder-length hair is so much lighter and alarmingly easier to manage, the hair that I cut we're going to mail off to a donation place because it's so incredibly long, and I'm... I don't know. I'm sort of excited about it.

It's new. It's a separation.

Long hair and I was stuck on something, shorter hair and now I'm... willing to try new things? I don't know. Maybe I'm reading into it way too much. Maybe I'm thinking about it too hard.

But I feel better. I feel so much better. Being at home with Brodie and with Dani and with the whole family and finally making the decision on what I'm doing next year, taking that weight off myself has changed how I feel about everything by an immeasurable amount. I can't wait to go back to school for once, I'm less nervous that even one misstep in the next sixteen weeks is going to be the line between med school and the streets or whatever parameter I set up for myself in the last few years. Mel and I are in the same labs again this last semester so I'm hoping that we can spend a lot of time together. I've taken a much needed break from Darius and Bronson. Kit and Wiley have calmed down with their fake dating attempt and. Well. And Darius and Nat seem to be together as of a few days ago? They're both at home right now but Nat did tell me that they're going out when they get back in a week so that's a massive improvement over three years of pining.

And I'm... my hair's short. I'm a single woman. I have amazing grades and I got into U of R's med school so at least there's that in the back of my head. I'm taking a gap year. I'm joining an intramural hockey squad for the spring semester just to have something active that isn't the gym because I need a full mental break, not just rumination on the treadmill and I really, truly do miss hockey.

I feel good. I feel better. I feel, mysteriously, content.

***

The door handle to my apartment has frost on it when Brodie drops me off. He and Laney are late for their flight out because it got bumped up due to the sort of impending storm that's been brewing for a few days now.

I'm hoping, for my own sake, that the frost is just because the hallway isn't heated. My fingers sort of stick to the metal as I unlock it, and when I push open the door to my apartment, the wave of cold that hits me isn't exactly comforting and homely.

I kick the door shut behind me and take a step forward, ignoring that my shoes are still on, creeping into the kitchen, confused at the lack of electrical hum, peering down into the sink. Laying in the basin is a glass of water that Nat must've drank before she left. The water is frozen in the bottom, frost creeping up the sides in a swirling pattern.