love me a thousand decembers

maybe we can't live without miseries

i was done with my college and i worked at a little cafe. I saw many couples there everyday and i felt envious about it. they had love and they could feel it in their hearts while I couldn't. i wished i could manage the courage to ask them how it felt. how to love someone without having doubts in your heart. i could have asked Remoon and she could have taught me. how adorable would that be.

i eloped from the cafe, again. well, this was the fourth time, i could be pretty irresponsible at times, I was trying to work on it. the owner was very kind. it was easy to convince him so he wasn't going to kick me out i guessed. he was an old man, lost his wife. he lived alone. i didn't talk much with him. infact, I didn't talk much with anyone. i think i was always too caught up with my own sufferings, i often forgot not everyone's life is so bright either. maybe i didn't care about other people so much. though, i really tried to.

i had been walking. it was 11:17 by then. i felt the wind against my face as i kept moving. i could almost imagine how i looked, calm and quite. while my mind was screaming, storming, firing inside. it's relieving how people couldn't see that. though some could, and that feeling of being exposed was such a terror. and i might have been feeling that then. “stalking a complete stranger isn't everyone's favourite pastime, some people find that creepy.” i said still moving. i was almost certain someone was behind me.

    “right. are you one of them?” it was a female voice, sounded full of life. she caught up to me as i walked through the parkside footpath. i looked at her for a moment just to make sure she wasn't a ghost of my mind. she was a pretty girl.

    “at this moment, yes” i looked away and kept walking.

    “how much would you rate that out of ten?”

   “seventeen!”

    “that sounds awfully precise, you talking from experience?” the energy in her voice made me feel more stupid than i already was.

   “that’s not important.”

   “maybe not.”

she remained quiet and kept walking beside me. it was starting to feel awkward for a moment.

   “You have been following me since—i don't know. past fifteen minutes?”

   “actually, twenty-five.” she grinned

   “you seem proud.”

   “is that bad?”

    “i don't know, but it raises your creepiness to twenty.”

    “Oh i can’t help with that, getting caught wasn't part of the plan.”

    “and what was this plan really?” i asked.

    “i just wanted to make sure that getting older is worth it.”

    “by following me? do i look old?”

    “no, you just happened to be my 6th target.”

   “a target? and it’s the sixth time? it's funny how literally everything you are saying making you creepier to me.”

   “yeah, i am really trying to work on that part.”

   “alright. so, what made me your target?” i said as i sat on a bench.

   “you looked kinda messed up.” then she sat beside me. i shifted a little and adjusted my hood to hide the burns on my face. i wasn't always very insecure about them. but something about her and that moment made me. she noticed it, “wait, i don't mean because of your face, no. you look totally fine. you look handsome actually. I'm sorry, am i being creepier?”