best ex-lover

16

A year later

Fourth

As I watched my friends laughing and enjoying themselves, the bittersweet tug of memories filled my heart. It had been a year since Gemini's passing, and while the ache of loss still lingered, I still try to found solace in the love and support of my friends.

As the evening wore on and the party grew more chaotic, I glanced at my wristwatch, realizing that it was almost time. With a heavy sigh, I excused myself from the merry group, gently bidding goodbye to my drunk friends.

"Hey, guys, I'm going to head out," I announced.

Prom, his speech slightly slurred, protested, "Aw, come on, Fourth! Stay a little longer! The night's still young!"

But I shook his head with a soft smile. "I've got something I need to do. You all keep having fun, okay?"

———

As I made my way towards the hill, I felt a mixture of emotions swirling within me grief, longing, but also a glimmer of hope. Reaching the familiar spot where me and Gemini had spent countless evenings together, I took a deep breath, the scent of the night air mingling with my memories.

"Hey, Gem," I whispered into the night, my voice barely above a whisper. "It's me again. I hope you're watching over me."

With a heavy heart, I settled onto the grassy slope, gazing up at the twinkling stars overhead.

With a heavy heart, I pulled out my phone, my fingers trembling slightly as I composed a message to Gemini, pouring out my thoughts and feelings.

my only beanie🫘
yesterday 9:37pm

fourth
hey baby
its me again, pouring out my heart to you once more. today was just another day without you and it felt like the weight of your absence was crushing me all over again. i tried to keep busy to distract myself from the emptiness that fills every corner of my being without you by my side.
i went for a walk in the park just like we used to do together. but instead of feeling the warmth of your hand in mine all I felt was the cold breeze against my skin a constant reminder of your absence. it was so hard and i missed you more than ive ever missed you today.
but i felt you too. every time my heart beats, yours beats with me.
im still grieving and i will every day.
i cooked dinner for myself trying to recreate some of the meals we used to enjoy together. but every bite tasted like ash in my mouth, a bitter reminder of the void you left behind.
i tried to watch a movie to lose myself in the fictional world on the screen. but no matter how hard i tried i couldn't shake the feeling of loneliness that clung to me like a shadow. i tried my hardest to attempt your funeral but i just couldnt, please forgive me. i know you are mad about that but im sorry.
i felt so weak that day, i didnt even get out of bed.
same as your grave i tried to go to there
but as soon as i get closer, i feel my legs froze and tears start wetting my cheeks.
it hurts a lot baby, it does.
i came to our hill again today hoping to feel your presence among the stars. but all i found was an empty sky, devoid of your light.
when i told you dont drive too fast, why didnt you listen?
with every beat of my broken heart,
i feel the echoes of our love depart.
in the darkness, i seek your light,
hoping to find you in the night.
i miss you gemini

today 9:37pm

fourth
hey
its me again. i just wanted to tell you about my day even though i know you're not here to listen.
i went to proms birthday party tonight and everyone was having so much fun. but it just didnt feel right without you by my side. i miss your laughter, your smile, your warmth beside me.
i wish you were here with me experiencing all these little moments together. i wish i could tell you about the silly things phuwin did or the ridiculous jokes ford told. i wish i could hold you close and feel your heartbeat against mine.
and you know what else? every night without fail
i come to our hill to watch the diamonds pour from the sky. its become my way of feeling close to you, of imagining that you're right here beside me watching over me.
i miss you more than words can express gem.
ill keep texting you every little thing even though I know you're no longer here to read them. ill keep coming to our hill hoping to catch a glimpse of your spirit among the stars. until we meet again my love.
in the stillness of the night,
beneath the starry sky so bright, i whisper words into the void,
longing for the love destroyed.
i miss you