Turn the Page 2: My Destiny

Chapter 20

"Thank you sa breakfast, tito. Nabusog ako," Page said after Louie parked in front of their house. "Ako dapat manglilibre sayo kasi ako naman nag-yaya."

This made him smile. "Next time na pag may work ka na ulit. Dapat nga lagi kita pinapakain sa labas para tumaba ka naman. Ang payat-payat mo na."

She shook her head. "I'm working on it, tito. Kita mo nga oh, ang lakas-lakas ko kumain kanina. Soon mababalik na rin yung dati kong katawan."

He looked at her and sighed. "Puro vegan naman kinakain mo, mas madaling babalik yang laman mo pag laman din ang kinain mo. You need a lot of protein. As much as people argue na hindi deprived sa protein yung vegan diet, iba pa din pag animal protein ang kinain mo."

She scratched her head and nodded. "Eh tinatry ko lang naman toh, tito. May nabasa kasi ako na minsan trigger ng seizures nung iba yung karne. I just thought baka makatulong man lang sa frequency ng seizures ko."

"Ibang karne naman yung trigger ng seizures mo," he claimed.

She tilted her head curiously. "What do you mean?"

He smiled. "Tao. Tao ang trigger mo at ang stress na dala ng tao sayo, hindi yung karne."

Page pointed her lips like in a pout. "Oi, tito, may laman yun ha. No pun intended."

He laughed. "Oo nga, malaman talaga yun. Kita mo, natitrigger nila yung seizure mo kasi nasistress ka."

This made her frown even more. "I hope you're not saying na si mama yung nagtitrigger ng stress ko which triggers my seizures." She tried not to sound defensive.

He shook his head. "No, Page. Don't worry. I'm not blaming anyone in particular. I'm just saying na stress is your trigger, and whether we like it or not people can cause us stress."

She turned her head to look at him again. "Is that why ayaw mong pumasok? Nasi-stress ka ng mga tao sa loob?"

He stayed silent.

"Tito, I just want to remind you na yung mga tao sa loob-pamilya mo sila. Kahit ang mga tita JJAMS, they're part of our family, too. In fact, malaking parte sila ng pamilyang toh. If they've said anything na offended you, it's only because the titas know how to tell the truth. Straight to the point, wala ng paligoy-ligoy. And they only do that because they care so much about all of us, lalong-lao na si mama at si tita April," she tried to explain.

He sighed and eventually nodded. "I know. Alam ko naman yun. I just need time to process everything."

"I just hope hindi mo i-sarado yung pinto sa kanila, sa amin. Kahit hindi kita tatay, kapatid ka pa rin ni papa at ni tita April. Magkadugo pa rin tayo. Tito pa rin kita. I know you feel like you're at the losing end of all of these, pero sana isipin mo din na you don't have to let go of us, too. Pare-parehas tayong nawalan, tito Lou. Pare-parehas tayong nasaktan at nasasaktan. Sa tingin mo hindi kumikirot yung puso ko tuwing naiisip ko yung oras na nawala na sana nakapiling ko si papa at si ate? Masakit, tito. Sobrang sakit. Pwede kong piliing magalit sa mundo, magalit na ganito yung naging buhay ko. Pero pagod nako, tito. Pagod na yung katawan ko. Ganito na nga yung kundisyon ko, palalalain ko pa ba kakaisip ng mga bagay na hindi ko naman na mababago? Pano yung mga taong nandito? Pano yung mga tao na nandito pa na nagmamahal sakin? Kaya gustohin ko mang mag-wala, gustohin ko mang magalit at kwestiyonin ang Diyos, bakit pa? Konti na nga lang yung energy na natira sakin, edi gagamitin ko na lang at ifo-focus ko na lang sa kung anong meron pa ako. Tsaka tuwing naiisip ko si mama, lalo kong nararamdaman na wala akong karapatan magalit. Kasi si mama halos mawala na nga sa sarili sa sobrang dami ng pinagdaanan nya, her brain can't process everything anymore. She's overwhelmed, tito, and she needs me now. I can't afford to lose her, too. Kaya I chose to focus on the good. May nanay ako na buong mundo ko. I don't want to lose her. I don't want her to lose me either kaya lumalaban ako. Sana ikaw din, tito. Kasi at the end of the day, whether anak mo nga si Cielo o hindi, nawalan ka man, nandito pa din kami. It doesn't change the fact that we're family. Hindi na magbabago pa yun whether you lost your kid or not. Hindi madali, oo. I struggle everyday not to dwell sa mga tao, bagay, oras na nawala sakin, samin ni mama. I'm mourning and grieving still. Kaya hindi ko ineexpect na magiging madali din para sayo if ever na anak mo nga si Cielo. Masakit na nga mawalan ng kapatid at tatay. I can't imagine yung nararamdaman ni mama na mawalan ng anak. Sinasabi ko lahat ng toh, tito, para i-remind ka na nandito lang kami. Nandito lang kami na pamilya mo, and I'm sure yung pamilya na you grew up with is nandyan din para sayo. Kumapit ka samin sa mga situasyon na mahirap at magiging mahirap pa sayo. 'Wag kang bumitaw. Kumapit ka lalo ng mahigpit kasi we don't want to lose another part of our family. Kaya 'wag mo sanang iparamdam samin yung mawalan pa ulit. May pamilya kang nagmamahal sayo, and we're here pag handa ka na ulit lumaban," she looked him in the eyes and meant everything that she said to him.