Cirque

6. 𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑩𝒆𝒈𝒊𝒏𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒐𝒇 𝑬𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒚𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈

I forced myself to take some deep breaths. It was very possible I had fallen asleep on the road and dreamed the whole thing about that...intriguing...comedian and his terrifying message. But it all felt so real.

Not to mention, I really didn't think I had a good enough imagination to make up such a beautiful man.

I took one last look at the old carnival standing behind me, raggedy tents and once-bright signs shooting up into the silky gray sky. Any sign of life or entertainment had vanished with the fog like a magician in a magic box.

Was this what it felt like to go mad?

I turned around, scratching my head and puzzling over everything that had happened. I decided I probably should just head home if I was so tired I was falling asleep on the side of a London side road. Carlos would panic if he ever found out. I made my way over to where my bike was lying down, a splash of purple amidst the bright green weeds.

As I picked it up by the handlebars, I heard a warm voice calling over to me. "Oi, you doing all right? Ya lookin' a bit faint." A pleasantly plump woman was coming towards me, pushing a pink baby stroller with a tiny fluff ball of a dog sitting inside, panting at me with its little pink tongue.

I smiled at her. "I'm all right! I probably shouldn't have stayed up so late last night."

The woman winked at me, a knowing look sparkling in her brown eyes. "Well, better get your sleep now, because you're gonna be up late again tonight." Before I could answer back with a retort of my own, she pointed at something right behind me.

Even before she spoke, I felt a chill colder than ice creeping from my toes straight into my bones. I didn't want to hear what she would say next, but my ears refused to cooperate with my brain's feeble pleas. As her mouth formed the words, I had no choice but to hear what I knew was the beginning of everything.

"The circus," the woman said innocently, "it's back."

With a shudder, I slowly turned back around. No longer were the gates old and rusted with broken bars. No longer could you peer through to spy the rusted old machines, stages, tents and more. Because the woman was right.

Somehow, impossibly, the circus had returned. Rising up were the same old tents, only now they were shining bright and new, glistening with star-like lights and tumultuous red vivacity. The gates were boarded up with smooth silky black board, obscuring from sight the wonders within. I could just faintly detect the sound of a music box coming from somewhere far away, which reminded me of something that I couldn't remember no matter how hard I tried.

Attached to the front gates that I had passed through time and time again, was a sign. It read in curving red letters, just like the ones on the letters I had received: 'Welcome to the Cirque de la Mort ~ Tonight at Midnight: the show begins'.

The normal response to this terrible sight would be to start trembling and shaking, and run away back home to Carlos and Mum never to return. But I had never been the normal type. I had been feeling a lot of fear recently, so I knew what it felt like. And I could tell that slowly but surely, my fear was transforming into excitement. "Are you going to go?" I asked the woman, a bit too breathlessly.

"The real question is who isn't?" the woman chuckled to herself and began pushing her dog down the winding sidewalk. I could hear her soft giggles trailing after her, like the final laughter at the end of a comedy show.

The entire bike ride home, my mind was filled with visions of balloon animals waltzing across rivers of peanuts and cotton candy. I had a couple of near misses with cars who honked their horns and swore at me, but I only smiled. The honking horns were just like the sound of a clown's nose that I would be hearing this very same night. The letters weren't some creepy prank, and they weren't my morbid imagination. Something exciting was finally happening in my boring life!

I ignored that small feeling deep down that was warning me that something was dreadfully wrong.

When I arrived back at the trailer park I immediately chucked my bike against the side of my place and sprinted over to Carlos'. I slammed open the door which I knew would be unlocked at this time of day and practically collided with Carlis.

"Woah there, Cass," he chuckled, holding me steady with his strong hands. I noticed a silvery poster with the same message I had seen on the gates lying discarded on his dining table

"The circus," I gasped.

"It's real." Carlos finished my sentence.

"It's back," I agreed, sparkles dancing in my eyes. "I was there this morning and somehow everything is brand new. There was music, lights, everything. It was like a dream!" I didn't tell him just how much of a dream it had really been.

Carl smirked, and his dimples creased his cheeks. "I guess all that mysterious letter fuss was for nothing, huh? So it's a date then, tonight."

"Not that kind of date," I said quickly. I liked Carlos, but the thought of taking such a serious step forward terrified me.

Carlos laughed and put his arm around my shoulder. "Of course not, Cass, unless you want it to be." He winked and I pushed him playfully.

"Oh shut up," I joked, but then Carlos stopped smiling playfully and looked at me very seriously. He held me at arms length, as if he was prepared for me to pull away any minute.

"We could be something real," he said softly, his soulful brown eyes looking at me tenderly. "This thing we've got going, I like it the way it is, don't get me wrong. But I like you even more, Cass."

I could feel the grasp of his hands against mine, soft and strong at the same time. I liked the dimples in his cheeks, and the taste of his kisses. I loved his earthy scent that reminded me of home and the friendly twang of his guitar. This should have been everything I had ever wanted. So why was it so hard for me to bring myself to accept his confession?

"I like you too, Carlos," I said quietly, not sure what I should say. I really hadn't woken up this morning prepared to solve the mystery of our relationship.

Carlos broke into a grin, and I could see those dimples again. "I like you and you like me, so what's the problem? Let's get married already," his smile grew even wider, "I wouldn't mind having a hot wife and a hot meal waiting for me every night."

I flinched and pulled my hands away from him instantly. "Hold up," I put a hand on my hip. "I never said I was going to marry you, and I certainly don't intend to spend the rest of my life cooking meals, so don't go assuming things, mister. I have my own dreams, you know."

"Woah, woah," Carlos put his hands up, but he was still smiling, and looked like he was nearly about to laugh. At me. I felt a twinge of annoyance. "I was just joking around, Cass. No need to take it so seriously."

"Were you joking though?" We stared at each other awkwardly for a few minutes, with me frowning and Carlos' smile slowly faltering. Eventually he laughed awkwardly.

"Okay, well that was embarrassing. Not my best moment. Can we just pretend I never said anything?" He stuck out his hand hesitantly, and I forgave him instantly. I grasped his hand and shook it, breaking into a smile of my own. It was hard to stay mad at Carlos for long.

All the same, I was glad that the conversation ended without a proper conclusion. Love scared me. It was like a spider's web, attractive and seductive, but I knew as soon as I got trapped in it, I could never escape. I wasn't ready to be trapped.