things I never said

1: im sorry

Im so sorry for being a bad gf, you tell me that you don't want to hurt me and your different than the other guys. And you are. You love me so much, you care for me, you help me, but I hurt you. I make you overthink and I made you feel like shit. I'm a shit gf. I always wanted a guy that isn't toxic. Now I'm the toxic one. I always do things that make you unhappy, or I do things to make you overthink. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being a bad gf. I'm sorry for always ruining the vibe. I'm sorry that I make you call me till I fall asleep. I'm sorry that I don't always text you. I'm sorry that u annoy you. I'm sorry that I make your wifi bad while you play games. I'm sorry for hurting you. I'm sorry for biting you. I'm sorry for scratching you or hitting you. I'm sorry that I make you do things you don't want to. I'm sorry for being a hypocrit. I'm sorry for being a shit person. I don't mean to. I really don't. I always fuck up. I don't want to hurt you. I really don't. And I'm scared. I'm scared that oneday your going to have enough and leave me. I'm scared that I annoy you so much you leave me. I'm scared to make you mad, and then you leave me. I'm scared. Ik you say you won't, but in my mind it's like you are going to. I'm so used to people only saying they love me becuase of my body. I'm not used to Complements. So everytime you tell me one it's like your only like telling me that sothat I fall more for you. And I do. And I'm scared that your only saying it to make me happy. Everytime you do something nice for me u think its just you using mw or something. That's why I give up halfway through your gifts becuase their "cringe" and you would only cringe while reading or looking at them. I'm scared. I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to ask for reassurance becuase I feel like I'm gonna annoy you. I don't want to tell you the things I overthink about because im used to people saying "it's not like that stop being so whiney". I don't like talking about my feelings. And I'm scared. I'm very scared that you realise how shit I am and that you're going to leave me. I don't wany to loose you.  Your my everything. And I'm just scared. I want to do things right, but when I try I mess up and ruin everything. I'm so sorry for everything I do and I'll try to be better. Just please be patient with me,I'm trying to change to be better. Just please. Don't leave me. Please. I'm just scared. And I don't know what to do. I just i just want to love you. But I don't know how to love. You treat me right. And I don't know what to do. I don't know how to love correctly. I don't know how to make you feel happy or not hurt you. I'm so used to having my guard up and it's really scary jot having it up. And I'm trying for you. I really am. But I keep doing the same things and hurting you. I don't wanna hurt you. I really don't want to. I just want to help you. See you grow and see you happy. I'm scared. I don't want you to end up hating me. I'm scared to gain weight, because then you won't like me anymore. I'm scared that once I gain weight you won't like me anymore and think I'm ugly. I don't want you to think that. I love you so much and I don't want you to leave. I don't want you to hate me. Or be angry with me. I don't want to annoy you. I just want to be better for you. I'm sorry for everything I do to you. I'm just scared and don't know what to do right now. I'm scared your going to leave. I'm verry scared.