This Love

8. Meet me in the middle

~BEATRICE~

Why did I do that?

Beatrice barely had the forethought to lock the door as she staggered into the bathroom. The ringing in her ears was deafening now, her head ached with it. She slammed her hand on the light switch and sighed as sweet darkness flooded the room. Beatrice sunk to the floor in the corner, facing the door, surprised to find she wasn't crying even though her eyes stung with the unshed tears.

One thought swam through her head; she'd ruined it.

"Bea?" Ava's voice was gentle as she called from the other side of the door. "Beatrice? Let me in?"

The thought of seeing Ava, of seeing the rejection in her expression, made Beatrice's heart clench in fear. "Can't."

"Come on... please? You know I can't kick down the door like you did." Ava sounded desperate now.

Beatrice squeezed her trembling hands into fists, trying to get control of whatever this was. "Ava... I need..."

It was hard.

"What do you need, Bea?" Ava's hopeful tone brought on a fresh wave of guilt.

"I... I need you to go."

"Oh."

Beatrice didn't want to hurt her, but she needed space. "Please go, Ava."

"I..." Ava cut herself off, clearing her throat before continuing. "Okay. But you have to do something for me first."

"Yeah?"

"Tell Lilith to come here."

"Ava..."

"No Beatrice, I'm not leaving until I know someone is going to be here for you." Ava's tone left no room for argument.

Beatrice surrendered. "My... my phones out there. Could you?"

"Of course, Bea."

She heard Ava moving to retrieve her phone from the bedside table. Beatrice mumbled the code to unlock it and listened while Ava taped away on the screen.

"Done." She announced. "I'll just leave it on your dresser okay?"

Beatrice nodded even though Ava couldn't see her.

"Bea, I..." Ava's tentative start had Beatrice's head shooting up from her knees.

She wasn't ready to talk about it yet, not with her panic barely under control.

"Ava, don't.... I can't..."

"Okay, I'll, um, I'll go." Ava murmured, voice laced with disappointment. "Bye."

Beatrice had never hated herself more.

~

"Beatrice!" Lilith's frantic voice echoed through the apartment not ten minutes after Ava had left. "Beatrice!"

"Here, Lil." Beatrice's voice was rough but somehow Lilith still heard her, there was a jiggling in the lock before her partner came bursting into the bathroom.

"What's going on, are you okay?" She asked immediately on her knees, scanning Beatrice for injuries, a straightened hairpin in her hand.

"I don't, I..." Beatrice's voice cracked. "I really fucked up, Lilith."

"Oh, honey..." Lilith reached up to turn on the bathroom light and Beatrice hid her face as it flooded the room. "Tell me."

"You were right." She murmured into her bent knees. "About... and then I said something..." The words stuck in her throat and Beatrice glanced up, imploring Lilith to read between the lines. "Something I shouldn't have said and..."