My Story

So, tonight I got to help somebody who was struggling the same way that I have struggled before.

My 14 year old sister has a friend (who is also 14.) This friend of hers tried to commit suicide tonight. She sent my sister and a few of their friends a paragraph about how she loves them, and that she is in a better place. My sister and her friends didn't know what to do. This 14 year old girl who is struggling more than I could ever imagine was about to commit suicide.

When my sister told me what was happening, through her tears, I immediately searched for her address and called 911. I needed to know that she was going to survive this, and I needed to have someone at the house with her who could prevent a life being lost tonight.

After the police came and went, I got on the phone with this young girl. I talked to her for close to forty minutes, and I explained to her my story in hopes that it will give her hope.

So here it is, my story.

When I was 6-7 years old, I was diagnosed with severe general anxiety and major depressive disorder. These things ran in my family, and I was showing early signs of anxiety, so my parents thought that it couldn't hurt to get checked out.

I had a therapist for years, she was one person who I could always rely on. Her name was Mrs. Janice. Mrs. Janice would distract me from thinking and play board games with me as I talked to her. I thought it was always so fun and relaxing to be able to talk to her about these things that I didn't understand about myself.

After I moved states, I stopped going to Mrs. Janice, and I seemed okay. When Covid hit, everything changed though. Having to be in quarantine, isolated from the world, made me want to stay isolated.

I shut all of my friends out, stayed locked up in my room, and didn't talk to anybody for months. I fell into a very bad depressive episode during this time. All I could think about was "when can this be over?" "Why can't I just go to sleep and never wake up?" With these thoughts, self harm followed. For about two years (2020-2022) I self harmed in more ways than one. I was cutting, I would pull my hair out, I wouldn't take care of myself... I had no reason to. All I did was stay locked in my room anyways.

My parents saw that I wasn't doing good mentally, and they took me to a doctor. My doctor put me on sertraline for anxiety and depression, and for a while, it seemed to work, but not very long after, hold habits came back to haunt me.

Today, April 7th, 2024, I am 476 days clean of self harm. Every day was a battle. Every day I struggle. Even now, after over a year, I struggle.

I made sure to tell this young girl just that tonight. It's hard, and it's not always a continuous journey. I relapsed many many times, and I regretted it every time I had to reset the date again on the I Am Sober app.

But, what would have made it easier in my darkest moments, was somebody there who could talk to me. Someone who I could talk to. Someone who I could rely on to be there.

I didn't have that though.

I just had myself, and I wouldn't wish that upon anyone. Tonight, I told this girl, who I don't even know, that she could call me at any point, any time of day, and I would talk to her. I would listen to her and help her as much as I can. I told her that if she ever needs me to, I could come and pick her up and take her on a drive just to talk.

I want to do that for other people too.

I want to give myself to this cause, to help people who are struggling with depression or anxiety. I want to make a difference in someone's life. I want to affect someone in the best possible way in the grand scheme of things.

So, if you or anyone you know has or is struggling with mental health, please don't hesitate to add me on snap (@addison.rsb07), dm me on instagram (@addisons.life), or send me a dm on here and allow me share my phone number with them or you. I want to be able to help people the way I needed help.

Please, if you have struggled with this and made it out in one piece, I would love to hear your story, and i would love to see you helping others in the same position.

You are loved.

You are wanted here.

You are cared for.

You are safe here.

You are strong.

You are incredibly brave.

Your feelings are valid.

You are meant to be here.

You are going to make it out of this.