Chapter One

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My mate is probably dead and everyone knew it. I allowed the cold to consume me as I collected wood trying to ignore this painful reality.


I shivered as I closed the door behind me to our small cabin. Inside was my mom, dad, and sister, Fern. Our small fireplace quilted the room in warmth and a dim light. The wood floors and walls were an old comfort.

"Thank you Thea," my mom hummed from the kitchen referring to the wood I had brought in to keep the fire burning. My mom had bright blue eyes and wavey brown hair that went past her shoulders, I was often told that we looked very similar, but I had freckles that danced across my face just like my dad. My mom also had Yarrow, a plant she used in her healing practices frequently and desert sage, our pack's symbol twisted around on the inside of her forearm.

Each pack member had desert sage tattooed on their right forearm. As pack member's lives evolved so did their tattoos.

My father had a waterfall shooting down his spine. When he realized that our Beta who was in charge of monitoring water resources had purposely failed to remove rockfall in the river preventing lesser wolves from accessing water he had been instrumental in bringing him to justice. The waterfall represented the free access to water no matter where you stood within our pack. The retaliation against our Beta had been met with coldness by those who had benefited. However, my father only knew to follow pack rules and he held his children to the same high standards.

"Dinner is ready," Fern chirped from the kitchen. Fern was fifteen years old and four years younger than me. She had shining bright hair and blue eyes. She was very playful and had an unwavering love for her pack and family. On her arm was nothing, as she had not yet had her first shift.

I glanced down at my arm and only saw the desert sage. Although I was training to be a pack healer, I still had much training ahead of me and did not feel that it was time to have the symbol engraved on my body.

Soon we gathered around our small wood table that was lit by a small candle in the center. My father started the prayer for the moon goddess. Soon after we fell into comfortable silence all savoring every valuable calorie we needed to survive the harsh winter. Living in the mountains, we were unable to leave for neighboring villages of our pack for at least a month until most of the snow melted. This meant that we relied on the food that we had gathered during the harvest and hunting months.

Although life here was hard, it had been forbidden to leave our territory outside of the mountains that towered over us. To leave would not only be a disgrace to your family and tribe, a bad omen for generations to come, but it would also mean you would become a rouge. Without tribe connections, rouges would be driven mad in isolation and act only on selfish desires meaning they could never be trusted.

Soon after we ate we fell into another comfortable silence until my Dad broke it like a boulder hitting a frozen pond, "You know the ceremony is only a couple of months away," he stated dryly.

A chill immediately shot down my spine, I became paralyzed with fear. I knew that I had been a constant stress for my parents. Most pack members left their homes at 18 when they met their mate at the ceremony. This was an event to gather all neighboring packs at a bonfire. There would be music, food, dancing and a celebration of the full moon. For unmated wolves, it was our only opportunity to leave the confines of our mountain home and find a mate.

The first two ceremonies in which I had failed to find a mate left me disappointed. However now at 19, the situation was becoming more precarious. After age 20 the chances of finding your mate were near zero, meaning that my mate probably died or never existed in the first place. If this happened I would likely be expected to take over my mother's role of pack healer and travel with pack warriors to ensure their well-being. This was an important role and an honor. I had once dreamed of finding my mate, but now accepted becoming a healer as my fate after the last disheartening ceremony.

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