The Enigma of Romance: Sarina Matthews

chapter one: part one

Part I: Rude Awakening

Five o'clock am. Just like every morning, the sun wasn't up, I was alone, and my room remained a mess. This morning, however, was my first day of school and right now I couldn't be more anxious. I didn't particularly like my school, but who did? It was in a shadier part of the city, like my home, my life. Not much room for goodwill and happy go lucky characters. But it was the best we could do.

Anyways, today was my first day. So I uncovered my sheets to get ready for school. Just as my feet hit the floor I heard Nathan's voice carry through the open door.

"Sarina! Get in here!" I didn't take my time down the stairs; I knew how much he hated me wasting his time. I walked into the kitchen where his voice came from and halted in front of him. I looked away from his angry face to the kitchen that- Oh no, I forgot to clean the dishes. How could I forget the dishes! I remembered last night when Nathan passed out I was cleaning up dinner when I'd walked out... What was I thinking? "What do I tell you every god damn day, Sarina?" He warned through his teeth. Oh, God, he was mad.

"I'm sorry I'll clean them n-" I started to say but the second I stepped forward he cut me off.

"I said, what do I tell you!" He grabbed the back of my neck pushing me closer to the sink filled with our dirty dishes from last night.

"I have to do the dishes every night," I repeat the words I've heard told to me for a year. Like a tape recording. Why can't I get it through my head? It was so simple yet I couldn't bear the strength to remember it? What was wrong with me? That's why he's so angry all the time, Sarina. Stop pissing him off. "I'm sorry..." I said almost inaudibly, submissively.

"I know." He let go of my neck letting me stand up straight. His face was nearly void of anger, he moved his hands up to the sides of my face tilting it up so I was looking him the eyes. "Clean it up." I did as he said as quickly as I could before going into the bathroom to get ready.

Shutting the door quietly, I turned slowly around to the full body mirror on the other wall. Wiping the sleep from my eyes, I scolded myself. I always frustrated him. Why did I keep doing that? I was lucky to have him. It was surprising to me how he ever stayed. How could he love me? I forced my eyes upon my figure in the mirror. How could he ever love a girl like me? My father's old Raider's t-shirt hung like an ugly curtain down just above my thighs exposing my stick-like legs. He is my guardian angel, that's what the people at the police station said when my mom died. I pulled the shirt over my body, sliding it up to my boxlike waist and the ribs that poked out when I raised my arm despite the excess fat on my stomach. My breasts were small, just like my hips, and my butt. Why didn't I have nice curves like the other girls at school? My stomach churned in a sort of discomfort and self-loathing that made me look away from my naked body and turn on the shower.

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"Remember what I told you. Don't speak to anyone, come home right after work, nothing in between school and work. You understand me?" I nodded staring softly and intently at the front doors. It was the same every year. He pulled the car into park as he waited in front of the school. "I said, do you understand?" I snapped my head towards him nodding more.

"Yes, Nathan." His angry face softened greatly as he held my cheek in his hand.

"You know I love you, right?" I nodded, heart, fluttering joyously. My heartbeat sped up so fast I couldn't believe it. I loved when he said that. "And you know that I get angry sometimes, right?" This time I nodded less joyfully. "And I'm sorry that I take it out on you." He spoke softly, sorrowfully.

"I love you too." As a sort of acceptance of an apology that I've heard millions of times. He smiled again, a tired one. He'd been working late again, he never gets enough sleep. He pulled me into him leaving a chaste kiss on my cheek. I opened the car door stepping out onto the crumbling grey concrete in front of my school.