THE SCAR YOU HAVE GIVEN TO ME

"Dostet Darum II"

"I have been molested by my uncle." Looking for hate, Jin met Namjoon's confused stare instead. Namjoon rose, forcing Jin to take a seat on his lap. Namjoon felt a thousand emotions rising in his chest, but he made an effort to bear it. It is severely hurting him to hear something terrible from someone he loves—things he never wants to happen to even with an enemy.
"My uncle attempted to harass me when I was twelve." Jin had a vacant expression. He was just expressing, like a robot, how afraid of life he is. And that's hurting Namjoon the most. As the sufferings find their way to hell, tears and emotions do indeed die.
"He closed the door and harshly ripped my clothes." Though Jin was fixating on the grass, Namjoon was gazing directly into his eyes. No matter how much Namjoon did not want it, Jin's words were dancing like a nightmare in his head, and he detested the way they were picturing the situation. He detested the cruel world in which we live, where an uncle does not feel guilty for catching his own nephew, and he detested the thought of his love being tormented. More than the worst of a kid.
"I cry out incessantly. He slapped me and kicked me." Yes, grief was present in every Namjoon's skin, but the anger was outweighing the sadness. He was bursting at the seams with nerves and tears welling up in his eyes. But he was silent.
"He touches me with lust, every part of my body." Namjoon knew what to do, but he was scared that Jin would react negatively. Putting thoughts aside, he held Jin tightly to his body, expecting Jin to jerk him off, but to his surprise, Jin was as still as stone. He was cold, unable to feel the touch of anyone.
"He said I am beautiful. He threw me on the floor and took off his clothes." Moment grasp and Jin was forced to look at Namjoon, the younger took his hand in his and leaned in. By moonlight, Jin saw himself shining in Namjoon's eyes as he once more looked into his own. Perhaps Jin conveyed Namjoon's intention to say, 'no matter what, I love you.'
"Namjoon," Jin finally cried, taking all the burden, he cried looking at his reflection.
"He touched my thighs and underskin, ripping me with his fingers. He- he forcefully entered his two fingers when my parents arrived. Banging the door. I- I was screaming for help." Namjoon repeatedly patted Jin's tears as he sobbed uncontrollably in between sentences, allowing Jin to express his trauma.
"I hear my mom crying, my dad cursing. And when the door broke my uncle hit me with the Wass. I lose my consciousness. When I woke up I saw-"  Namjoon grasped, gulping,
"I noticed my mom on the ground, with blood seeping from her head. I was naked, bruises were all over me, I tried to get up and wake my mom, but I knew she was not breathing at all. Beside the window I saw my dad with a knife on his stomach, I heard him saying 'mia, I love you... Jin I am sorry' he didn't say anything further." With the empty eyes of Jin, Namjoon has the ocean seeping out, but what could he do at the moment? Hug him? Tell him that it's okay? No. He himself doesn't know how to process the grief that seeped into his pale skin, that he doesn't have any words to let out his mouth. That he felt every brutal feeling the older has gone through. And the fact that he knows, the feeling he was having is just a glimpse of what the older person actually had felt.
"They abandoned me."
"They were sorry."
"I am with a disgusting body Namjoon."
Namjoon captures Jin's eyes where he can only see the empty feeling. He doesn't know if he should, but he doesn't know what else, he loves the person in front of him. And he wants him to know. He wants to make him feel every beautiful feeling he deserves, so maybe it's a very bad idea but still Namjoon took a moment, grabbed the elders chin and slowly leaned in, kissed him where he felt his tear traveling to others lips, but jin-
Jin did not return the kiss.
"There is nothing about you, and anything that belongs to you my love, ohhh dear love, that is disgusting."
"It's okay Joon, you can break up with me. Anyways who wants to be with someone who has no new body without any lustful touch."
"Jin!"
"It's true. And, you are young, handsome, you will find the most beautiful and untouched body in the world."
"I want you."
"There is no comparison between me and you Namjoon. I am despicable, impoverished, and an orphan."
"Jin!."
"You need to stop loving the shit head like me and must start a new life."
"I want my whole life with you Jin. I want you to understand."
"Don't be stupid- "
"JIN. ALL IN THE WORLD ASIDE I FUCKING LOVE YOU. ONLY YOU. did you hear me? I love you." Tears were rolling in the skin of a guy who has once never felt that snow is cold, he cried out. "I love you" he said again, slowly with the hint of desperation.
"I am repulsive, I still feel my uncle's hand's disgust like leeches on my flesh."
"If so, please allow me to remove all of the leeches and replace them with your favorite flower. Let me love you Jin. Allow me to explain what it is like to be loved and how love overcame lust." The wind between them took a turn, the cold breeze touched their bare skin and Jin let go of a tear as Namjoon gave him a gentle kiss. Accepting, the elder closes his eyes and kisses back, slowly giving access to his lips and body to younger, because that must be should do. To help his nerves to back out darkness.