My heart beats for you

Hopeless souls

Hearing those words squeeze my heart. We both knew that there was no assurance in the future, but I was surprised at how he pursued that forbidden thing. I know my time is limited, yet he still believes in the impossible thing. I feel guilty even more for allowing myself to get drowned in these feelings before and now the consequences were so bad that a person would end up broken even more than I was. Tears form in my eyes. I should stop him before it's too late.

"You couldn't just say that. By the time the chance was given to us, I was too old and waiting for my days to die. You will wait all your life wasting your youth and love over someone who isn't yours in the beginning. It has been a mistake ever since, but we both indulge in the feelings limiting ourselves to keep them from being wrong even more. I never regret it, but I feel guilty knowing I would leave you alone in this world with such a love for me you couldn't forget." My tears crossed my cheeks and the light from a passing vehicle showed it.

"I told you before. I told you already, and I told you many times. You shouldn't wait for me. Go on and have a life. Find someone who would replace me in your heart. It may be hard and too cruel to you, but you have to go and accept my fate. Why couldn't you understand it? I have suffered enough, so please don't crush me even more. I can't stand seeing you being broken and I don't dream of seeing you crying. Let me shoulder it all so you can have life and live happily." I faced him in the dark.

"I just wish it was so easy to do," he said in a low voice.

"You're an adult now. You can make it just keep trying." my voice cracked.

"Stop saying lies! You only make things too hard for us! We both know the truth!" He yelled, grabbing my shoulders.

"You keep pushing me away when your tears say the opposite. You turn everything down when your eyes rumbling to keep it. Don't you know what happened to me in 7 years of our silence? Just to let you know,  I suffer from depression because of you. It took me two years to recover and in the 5 years that follow, god knows how I try to forget you. I should be punishing you now but instead, my heart still orders me to hug you and hold you like you were mine". His tears fall on his cheeks straight to his chin. 

"If you say you were crushed then what about me? You only think of yourself. You didn't know how it hurts deeply every time I breathe and you're not with me. I feel suffocated at the fact I wouldn't be able to make you mine and it kills me that I can only love you in secret. I feel tired and I want to give up but I am helplessly bound to loving you and I don't even know why I keep doing that. I really wish I could comply with what you want but I always fail. I am turning my life miserable every time I try moving on from you. Tell me how not to love you and I will do it without hesitation. But if you say you don't know then I also don't know how to do it." He continues keeping his voice normal.

The silence was defeaning given that no one passes by in that quietness. "No matter what happens. I will love you even if I don't see you or we don't keep in touch. Let me do it until my heart stops doing so." he said hugging me.

"You're hopeless, Chejo," I said in disbelief and defeat. 

"You said a person in love can do the impossible." he pulled me closer.

"And you're too much impossible."

"Because I am too much in love with you."

I glanced away and saw an approaching motorbike from a distance but got distracted when he kissed me on my crown before he let go. As I looked at him, he smiled and grabbed my hands to kiss them before stretching an arm to tuck my hair behind my ears and stroking down to the rest of its length. Man, he was so sweet; those gestures were lovely touches I long to feel. I guess he was reading now unlike when he was before or maybe he was watching a lot of romance films of all types. He was trying to fulfill my fantasy dream and now I am fighting myself not to smooch him.

Two hands grab my shoulder again and pull me to face him. He gently kissed my forehead before another gentle kiss landed on my lips which made me think about how he held his emotions for him to be too bold doing such things. He was really in love with me beyond what I can see.

"When it's time, I will take your heart even if you protested from heaven to hell." those were the last words he said before he leaned back composing himself.

From the side mirror, I saw the driver walking from a distance and approaching us still sitting in the E-bike. I turned my head to him knowing it was the last moment we could talk without being heard. I looked at him and I caught his attention which made him glance at me. For a moment I battle myself with what to do but I choose what my heart says so I gather some courage.

"I love you....... Even the future wouldn't let me love you by any chance. If there was a second life for me, I would reserve my heart until we find our destinies crossed again." I said tears forming in my eyes. 

He stares at me for some time and smiles tenderly picking my hand and intertwining it again. I put my shoulder bag to hide it. I heard him chuckle and when I looked up at him, the light from the passing vehicle let me see his sweet smile and eyes that reflected the tenderness and the love he felt.

"That's what I've been waiting for from you. I can now rest my heart knowing you're heart is mine. My waiting wouldn't be in vain no matter how long it is. Even if we reach the end of this life, rest assured I will take your heart and there's no letting go." he says nudging me.