My heart beats for you

Heartbeat

The next day I visited him, and he was sleeping. I brought fruits and chatted with his mom before going home. In the days that followed, I visited him. My heart felt happy to see him awake, but the moment his mom saw me, she approached me and informed me that the operation was a success and he needed longer days of healing yet the anesthesia messed up his brain and he had partial memory loss. I was shocked, but I decided it was a good opportunity. 

"Tita, I am glad Chejo was fine, but I don't think I'll be needed here. Since he lost some memories, I supposed he couldn't recognize people, right? Then, let me walk away out of his life. He could start perfectly fine until he recalled my existence. He wouldn't be bothered with his feelings about me and shame wouldn't be knocking anytime soon. I will always be where I am. A perfect pair on his line 'I'll always be around'. Plus, he wouldn't like me to see him in this state. May he get well soon."

"But." His mom tried to utter something. "Tita, it's fine. For now, he wouldn't recall me and time will tell if he will remember me. His well-being is the top priority. I don't want him attracting any trouble again. We almost lose him."

"Are you sure about that?" I nodded to that question but my heart said no. I forced a smile and handed the fruits before glancing at him, who looked at me with his usual stoic face. I look at his mom again and smile before leaving. 

My steps were heavy, and I had to force myself to keep walking as I felt the stare piercing behind my head. Even outside the room and in the hallways. I felt the puncture, and it reached down my heart. That deep staring was his favourite thing to do when we were studying. He always stared behind me, but I didn't catch him looking, as he was busy with something. Even when I am talking with someone and he is around, his stares penetrate my soul, making me look at him. This time, I didn't look back, and I left the building. 

A guard greeted me and asked if I was okay and when I looked up, I noticed my tears were falling nonstop. I cover my lips and compose myself before sending gratitude to the guard walking away. When I was at the commuter stop, I was betrayed by my own emotions. Given I was alone at that moment, I burst out crying. I did my best to hold my sanity and load in a public vehicle silently crying. When I reach home and find myself alone I take the chance to cry my heart out until I am drained of my tears.

It hurts twice but I am happy he was safe and that's what matters. I have to disappear again and focus on what should I focus on. I know Chejo is always around in the corner like he said. My heart has renewed the wound long healed before and I have to live with pain again. Time will heal me soon enough and I should brace myself for bearing the pain. I couldn't cry anymore so I stood and pulled out a paper and pen. My heart was throbbing with enormous pain so I wrote it all. I make poems and free verse paragraphs that mirror the situation and my feelings. My skill is creative writing and my heart finds serenity in it. I let my creation speak for me and pour the emotion I felt. It calms me down as it takes away what I feel.

I posted it all on my news feed after I digitalized its copy for a better look then I sat down to rest my heavy heart. My phone beeps endlessly but I ignore it. Can't I let my heart be broken for a moment? My eyes sting from crying and the sun of the afternoon calls my eyes to shut.

Those promises. Were all vows in the wind but that's okay. I don't expect anything I just love beyond my limits. My days will be back to normal like it always does. This aching heart will be cured. Those memories although they were painful, they were the most beautiful memory I will keep in my mind. That guy, I am sure, my heart will love him. As I sigh and lie down my tired soul, his image plays in my sight and so I grab my phone and send a message on our group chat about his condition ignoring personal messages on me. Then I added everything must be buried in forgotten land. I ask their respect for my decision. I shove away my phone and pull myself to sleep.

......

I saw all the chats about a message that Chejo's family relay through our friends but it was long ignored already and with my message asking for privacy on the matter, no one spoke about it. I believe everyone respects it. I look at the calendar, It's been months and I am thinking how was he. I am positive he was walking and laughing wherever he was while I was stuck in my job. I unconsciously touch my lips recalling our kiss. An idea popped into my mind and I took my phone and messed with it then flexed it as 'my day'.

"My heart beats for you" I read it and chuckle before my hands pull a paper and pen making a poem. It took me a few minutes to make it digitalized and then post it on my news feed. I also screenshot the post I flexed and added it to my news feed then continued my usual daily activities.

Later that night, I opened our group chat and saw a picture message. It was a screenshot of my post. I frown and look at it as a three-dotted thing moves on the screen. Soon, another photo was sent but this time the photo was edited and two words were added. 'Me too.' was written and I was stunned for a moment as I saw our group chat mates reacting to the last photo sent. My eyes form tears again when I realize something. Another photo was sent revealing his selfie; all healed and looking handsome even more in his uniform. There was a doodle on the picture and it made me smile with tears falling as I read it in silence.

'Keep that heart beating for me because mine still beats for you'

                                                                                              ~end~