I'd Sell My Soul

Chapter 13: Guilty Conscience

Allison Monroe's POV

August 30th 2010

I was sealing one more cardboard box with packing tape when there was a gentle knock on my door. The Script was playing on my radio on the desk. I turned my attention to the door and saw Farrah walk in. She closed the door gently behind her.

"Hey." She greets, sitting on my bed. I glanced at the clock on my wall. It was 1pm. Sophie was down for a nap per Farrah's strict napping schedule she had fostered.

"Hey." I replied as I taped the box one more time for good measure.

"So U-dub huh?" Are you ready?" She smiles gently.

"Yeah I am...kinda." I sigh and sit next to her on my bed. I put my head on her shoulder.

"You don't sound excited, college girl." She pushes some hair out of my face.

"Well...okay I have to tell you something but please don't freak out." I pull away and sit so I'm facing her directly.

"Okay, I won't freak out." She puts her hands up.

"Levi proposed to me last night." I bit my lower lip anxiously.

"What?!" She gasps.

"I mean we've been dating for almost a year now and he told me he loves me and he proposed to me! I mean I want to go to school but...I love him Farrah. I can't leave him here." I sigh. She stands up and folds her arms, pacing about the room.

"Do you want to marry him?" She asks after a beat.

"Yes." I say. I swallow. "I think."

"Oh Ali." Farrah shakes her head.

"Don't tell aunt Carla please? I can't deal with that headache right now." I plead.

"Ali you're too young to get married. You have your whole life ahead of you. College. You've always wanted to be a Husky so bad! That's been your dream." Farrah argues as she commenced pacing once more.

"Plenty of people get married at eighteen. Mom and Dad did." I point out.

"Only because they got pregnant with me." She scoffs.

"I love him Farrah and I have for awhile. He's so kind and funny. We have fun together." I explain.

"I know sweetie but he's older than you and you're still a kid." She sighs.

"You had a baby when you were only a year older than me." I cross my arms, pouting at her disapproval.

"I hold no regrets about Sophia, she is my life but if I could have her later in life, I would've." Farrah sits back down on my bed.

"Farrah I dunno. I think I might stay here and marry him." I smile and take her hands.

"Okay Ali I have to tell you something...but I'm doing this because I love you." She starts, looking down.

"What?" I ask her, searching her face like that will give me a hint.

"I haven't been truthful about Sophie's father." She starts.

"Well I thought it was-" I start.

"It's Levi." She cuts me off, giving me eye contact.  I drop her hands.

"What?" I blink.

"Sweetie I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. We got drunk at a party at the creek and we slept together in November of 2008. It was nine months before I had her." She explains. I stay silent. "Ali?"

"Get out." I say quietly, refusing to look at her.

"Allison." She says once more.

"GET...out." I lower my voice after I remember Sophie is just down the hall sleeping in her crib. Farrah gets up and leaves without another word. I walk over to my dresser and pull open the top drawer. There's a red felt box inside. I open it, unveiling the small diamond ring. I shut the box and put it in my purse. I swing my denim jacket with the pins and patches on and then place my purse strap on my right shoulder. I wander out to the living room where Aunt Carla is standing almost like she expected me.

"What happen with your sister? She was tearing up." Aunt Carla asks me.

"I need to get out of here, can I borrow your car?" I ask, ignoring her question. She looks at me a moment.

"Yeah sure." She says curiously before walking over to the coat hanger by the door. She finds her tote bag and produces her car keys. "Back by no later than 10pm." She asserts.

"As always." I nod. She nods back and I leave the house. I get in the car and put my face in my hands and cry. I feel betrayed by my sister and my boyfriend. It doesn't matter we weren't together at the time. He should never have pursued me. And how could he ignore his child? I drive into town with the rock station blasting on the radio. I whip into the parking lot of the diner. I turn the car off and grab my purse. I storm inside and to the back, where the kitchen is. Levi was working at the grill but looked over and saw me. He instantly came right over to me. I must've looked like a mess with mascara dripping down my face just from the look on his face. I take the ring box and shove it into his chest

"You can have this back asshole!" I sob and run out of the diner.

I drove to Katie's house. The next thing I knew we were on the floor of her attic bedroom with a box of tissues in front of me and a pile of used tissues to my right. Katie had her arms around me and was rubbing my back.

"I'm so sorry." She whispers to me.

"This is so fucked up." I sniffle.

"I know." She replies.

"How could she do this to me? She knew we were dating this whole year and she said nothing! She made me look like a fucking idiot." I cry.

"At least she told the truth eventually I guess. I don't know, Farrah loves you. I know her intention wasn't to hurt you." Katie sighs.

"I don't even know Katie. Fuck him and fuck Colfax. I'm getting the hell out of here." I throw the tissue down.

"Take me with you." She chuckles.

"You know I would in a heart beat. You and Mr taking on Seattle together." I sniffle and embrace her. The thought of taking Katie with me and leaving this town, never looking back was greatly appealing. We would make any city our bitch. I just know it.

The thing is I moved to university and it was hard coming back to see Farrah and my ex boyfriend's child. After awhile I started to feel like I had out grown Katie too but that was a mistake, I know that now. I was a stupid and selfish kid. I wish I could go back in time and do things differently but for now I have to live with the guilty conscience.