Love is healing

4

Simon took his time, scrubbing over his skin until it was red, trying to get the past away from it -with no effect- but the feeling never fully dissapeared.

Because it wasnt his body that wasnt clean, after all the showers he had take. No, it was his mind. His mind was still dirty with the things Graves had done to him.

Despite the warm water running over his body, Simon felt a deep coldness within him. He scrubbed and scrubbed, as if trying to wash away not only the physical aftermath of Graves' touch but also the emotional scars. The memories haunted him, clinging like shadows in the corners of his mind.

He closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against the cold stones of the shower wall, letting the water pound against his back. He tried to focus on the here and now, on the feeling of the water surrounding him, but his thoughts drifted back to that moments, to the pain and fear he had been through.

The blond let out a shuddering breath and forced himself to continued to wash himself, hoping that with every scrub those disgusting feeings would dissapear. But deep down, he knew that some stains couldnt be removed.

Closing his eyes he run his hands through his blond hair to wash out the shampoo, suddenly hands were around his waist, pulling him against a body.

Simon flinched, crying out a small. “Please no…” His eyes widen with terror as he heared Graves voice, with panic he stumbled back. But…

There wasnt standing anyone.

Graves wasnt there, nobody but himself was in the shower.

“Fuck!” He barked desperatly and hit his hand against the wall, letting out small whines to get rid of the panic.

Soap bit his lip and froze as he listened to his partners terror laced voice. The sound of something getting hit and the small pleads and curses.

Should he intervine or leave him be? It might be triggering to walk in on him showering, but what if he was to deep in the flashback?

Johnny decided to knock on the door, to ask, maybe his voice was enough to get him back into reality.

“Simon? Is everything okay?” No answere, no reaction. So he tried it again. “Hey Simon? Remember how we first kissed? How you let me pull up your mask and we just came closer?”

Simon sobbed, the images of Graves next to him, of his cruel smirk and his hands wass till there. But he heared his partners warm voice.

“I was so drunk, after the kiss I stumbled and knocked over your scotch.” Soap said with a small chuckle, those memories seemed to help, at least he couldnt hear Simon hit anything anymore.

“Next day I couldnt remember shit, when I asked you what happened you simply pulled your mask up and kissed me yourself. I was so flustered…”

Simon did remember that night, how they had been sitting at the bar and Soap started to talk about how cool, handsome and perfect he found him.

And the kiss, it had been so warm, filled with so much love. The first time that he really wanted to kiss someone and it was just perfect.

Even with the spilled scotch and the whole mess it had made, even with the slight hangover the next day.

“Simon, I love you.” Johnny whispered against the door, he had crouched down, his forehead pressed against the door and his eyes were closed.

Tears wheeled up in the blonds eyes, he hadnt sleept the night after their first kiss. He had went home and cried, asking himself of he was capable of being loved.