From the moment I open my eyes I'm thrown into hell. From the moment I take my first breath in the morning I'm reminded that I'm not meant to exist. That I was never meant to be this way.
The constant reminder that I'm a mistake stares at me from my vanity. The horrid amount of makeup stares at me collecting dust. The ugly dresses and skirts that I have shoved the the back of my closet scream at me.
I'm constantly reminded that I'm wrong. Something is horribly wrong with me and I can't fix it.
The urge to vomit everytime I look at myself in the mirror grows stronger and stronger every single fucking day.
Why can't I fix this?!
I sit up in bed and look at the time on my nightstand. It's almost 5am... I guess I woke up early... Again.
"What is wrong with me?" I mutter keeping my voice low to avoid waking the beast that lives with me.
I stumble around like a common drunk man and lazily grab the biggest hoodie that is at least 3 sizes too big, oversized sweatpants, and a nice shirt that is 2 sizes too big.
I travel to the bathroom and get dressed. I took a shower last night so I don't have to wake up the entire house while also playing don't look at yourself or you'll vomit.
I change into the clothes that I had picked out all while keeping my back to the cursed mirror. Once I was dressed and was sure that I looked alright, I brushed my teeth. My unnatural sharp teeth that reminds me of a vampire. My canines are just unnaturally sharp.
I can look at myself now. I don't look like a mistake right now. I can brush my hair in peace. My unnatural hair. The tips of my ebony hair is two shades lighter. Thanks mom... I love it. I know it sounds sarcastic but it isn't, I actually do love it.
I leave the bathroom tossing my pajamas into the hamper that I have in my room. I quietly close the door and grab my socks and shoes.
My phone lights up with a text: On our way
I smile, it's good to have friends who can drive. Well I can drive, I'm just not allowed to. The beast took away my car keys and told me that I don't deserve the car that my best friends bought me.
I tighten the laces on my shoes and grab everything I need for another day in the prison society calls school. It doesn't make sense. Nothing makes sense.
Why does school exist? Most people are stupid anyway and are terribly ignorant. I question how some people even survive living on their own.
I sling my messenger bag onto my shoulder and pocket my phone. I quietly leave the house without telling anyone that I was leaving. They don't ask. They don't act like I exist.
"What is wrong with me?" I repeat while walking down the walkway
My friend's car is at the end of the walkway. I climb into the back seat and he looks at me.
He's not looking because he can't find anything to say, he's checking my body for visible bruises and/or cuts.
"He didn't acknowledge me last night." I mutter
"I get want to make sure. How as your morning so far?" He asked me as he pulled off and started to dive towards school
"I contemplated life for ten minutes." I smirked
"Last time it was thirty." He smiled back
His big brother was in the passenger seat, "Did you throw up again?"
"No, I didn't look at myself." I say
"I still don't understand how looking at yourself causes you to vomit." A British voice to my left says
I look to see my other friend. Yes he actually is British, but he was born in the states. Which is weird. He shouldn't have an accent since he visited the UK a total of three times. And those visits were very spread out.
"It's something called being ugly." I tell him
"You're not ugly, Brenda." He tells me
I mentally cringe at that God awful name. Just hearing that name makes me want to vomit.
I only have a total of three friends: Mickey, Oswald, and Felix.
I can trust those three with my life. I do have more friends, but they don't count. I only see them at school and that's it.
"Do we wanna stop somewhere and eat or see if we survive?" Mickey asks us
"Please stop somewhere. I don't feel like dying from food poisoning again." Felix says
Oswald agrees, "Yeah, school food is a death sentence."
"I'm not hungry." I say causing Mickey to glance at me using the overhead mirror
He didn't say anything, he just stops at McDonald's and gets something for everyone.
Even though I was too nauseous to eat, he still bought me an iced coffee. He's such a swell guy.
"Mick, you have to protect me today." I remind him
"Fuck I forgot. Don't worry." He sighs
"Why?" Oswald asks poking Mickey's cheek
"Brenda broke up with a certain asshole last night. Texted him. He's probably super pissy and wants to break Brenda in half." Mickey says pulling into the students parking lot at exactly 7am
There are a few cars here and there. Mickey parks his car and we all shuffle out of the car. We start to head for the school building.
I still have my untouched iced coffee with me. I might as well take a small sip. Before the straw could even reach my lips the cup was taken from me by my jerky ex boyfriend.
"Thanks babe." He says throwing it across the parking lot
I roll my eyes and walk away, at least I don't have to drink it. He grabs my wrist and pulls me close to his body.
"Mind explaining why you thought it was a good idea to text me that we're finished. You don't get to leave unless I say so." He growls, his breath smells like cigarettes and ass
"Uh, Mickey mind helping me out!" I yell struggling to get away
Mickey doesn't utter a single word. He just punches him across the jaw effectively knocking him out.
"Once again the famous Mikey punch has returned." Felix laughs while shaking his head slowly
"I have a natural talent." Mickey says wrapping an arm around my shoulder leading me out of the parking lot
The day has just started and I already feel like giving up and dying.
Yay! And yes that was indeed sarcasm.
YOU ARE READING
My name is Bendy
FanfictionAll of my life I've been known as Brenda. That's not my name. Everyone calls me a girl. I'm not a girl! I want to change, I want to be myself. I want to be able to look in a mirror and say yes, this is me. This is who I'm meant to be. I know it's go...
