Ioanas ruin (bwwm)

I've decided

It's been weeks since our little evening out as a family and I'm going crazy copped up in the house. I love my dear siblings but I'm young and my youth won't last forever I want to experience things I want to be wild....

I decided to let my curly hair loose today and I also decided I would begin dressing myself for a time , I've grown tired of doing the same old things every day it was time for a change.

Today was awfully chilly so I decided a nice crème color gown with the puff sleeves and my favorite cover up would do. My dressing maids were waiting outside of my door probably assuming I was still sleep, the surprise on their face was almost hysterical, I suppose they thought I didn't even know how to dress myself since I never have before but oh how I Love proving people wrong.

I walk down to eat and decide since I'm changing things up I'd take my morning meal In the drawing room instead of the dinner room.

"Where are you going ioana?" My father grumbled without looking up from his newspaper

The rest of the family looked up at him since it was very scarce that he ever acknowledged us, me being the most ignored.

"To the drawing room to eat my meal." I say hoping he just drops it and lets me be, but that caused him his attention to be removed from his newspaper onto me.

He took in my appearance for a moment and his lips turned into a deep scowl. I know that scowl all too well it screamed disappointment.

"Nonsense! You look unkept ioana have your maids lost their minds? I'll have them whipped for this"

Oh no when father disapproves is something everyone gets caught in the crossfire. It's been this way since I can remember.

"No! Father please I decided I wanted to try and dress myself this morning it's not their fault and I wanted to eat in the drawing room so I could have a change of scenery that's all." I say pleading with him, turning my eyes to my mother for some sort of support. Usually she's not brave enough to speak against my father but this time I saw in her eyes she was tired of the same old days trapped in this estate with nothing to do.

I suppose she felt sorry for me .

"Gary..." my mother started and his eyes snapped to her so fast she physically jumped.

"I-I mean my love please just this once let ioana be free to do as she chooses she is of age and will soon be married she needs to know how to make her own decisions don't you think?"

My eyes shift to Mabel and Jeremy and they are quietly eating not wanting to be caught in this mess knowing how it will end .

For the first time I noticed the dynamic between my parents in a more grown up way. Before I thought she was just scared of him because he's mean to us but as I'm now a woman I realize she is terrified of him. She's so scared and she has no control over her life. That's why she's so angry all the time....its really sadness.

My heart breaks for my mother I truly wish she could know the happiness that Mary has told me of. Im very sad for my mother but this makes me appreciate Mary all the more for showing me there is more to life then what I see in my home.

With a deep heavy sigh he rolled his eyes and picked his newspaper up "Just go ioana, I don't want to see you for the rest of the day"

I quickly walk away with my plate without a word, mentally I was jumping with joy because that ment I could leave the only way to not see me is for me to leave the estate right? Hopefully Ana can come with me.

"Hi could you please request that Ana come to tensely hall for an evening out please also to bring her handmaiden so we have a chaperone."

"Yes my lady."  And with that the servant walked away and I was finally alone.

When I'm alone I take the time to think about Leon.... I've been counting g the days to attended his families ball , me and Ana will surly pick out fabrics today and get new gowns made just for the occasion.

I've dreamed of him every night since the picnic more than the boy from France who still has my attention though I do wish I had a name for him. He was my first crush I could never forget about him.

But Leon.... In the time from the picnic I've asked around and I've learned he is two and zero and he is incredibly wealthy and very educated in subjects from mathematics to languages even to literature. I love a man whose talents hold no bounds. Even more so he is kind. Everyone I asked had not one bad thing to say about him. In the time he's been here he's made many friendships and has helped many people solve their misfortunes. He's a hero and He is perfect for me. My dream husband.

But as Mary told me I shouldn't put all my eggs in one basket as young as I am and she's right because I'm sure that what my mother did. I've heard the story a million times.

My grandmother forced my mother to marry the first man to propose to her and that's how we got here. I never once heard her say she loved my dad.

I can't imagine a worse fate.