Heartbreak , loneliness and this feeling of worthlessness so many complex emotions, along with a range of questions , the urge to shout , the plea to cry but who is there to listen - no one.
Five husbands yet not even one is there is to hold me, to...
Limping my way towards the dagger in the dark room, devoid of any source of light, my conscience laughed at me, at my condition ...
I failed in every aspect of life be it a daughter, a daughter in law, a sister or even as a wife ... What is the use of this beauty , my dedication, my love, my care ...if I am unable to win over the love and respect of my husbands.....
May be I am not worthy enough to be loved by someone that is why I am standing at this point in my life, all alone, in dark, multiple injuries adoring my body, on a verge of dying but still no one is beside me .
With my trembling hands I picked the dagger, the shining , sharp edge of that thing is calling me for it , closing my eyes I prayed one last time to my mahadev and the mother of the universe....maa gauri .
Maa! .....As soon as the word resonated in my mind... My heart gave a thump, making me remember that i too have a life growing inside me, a baby, my own blood and flesh, my child, my world.....
The dagger fell from my hand on the marble floor with a clank.....
what was I even thinking ... How can i be so selfish ......just to end my own pain , my own sufferings....I can not and will not kill my child with my own hands .... No I can't be a monster to kill my own baby... not giving him a chance to even see this world.
I am a mother and i am more than enough to take care of my baby on my own... Placing my hand on my slightly bloated abdomen, I tried to feel the warmth of my child... thus finding some solace in this tiresome situation .....
"Don't worry baby.. Your mother is here with you, even if we have no one with us right now, even if we are not wanted in any one life than also we both are more than sufficient to be there for each other.. Right "
I will not let my child feel unwanted .... No... I will give my baby a life which he really deserve.. A life full of love and care ... Not a life where just for a mere sake of piece of land people are ready to kill anyone, to go so down as much as to humiliate a woman, I will not give my child a life full of enmity, hatred and greed where one is ready to any short of crime to fulfill their needs and demands ....
And to fulfill this I have to leave this palace for ever and ever .....
My throat cloaged up, eyes burning with unshed tears , with the mere thought of leaving behind my only true relationship ... My aryas...my arjun .... My heart stopped beating for a second, even the thought of not having my arya around me was hurting me, making it difficult for me to breathe....
And arya arjun he doesn't even know that i am carrying his hier in me, I am not doing right with him.....may be i should inform him about my pregnancy ....
" But he doesn not care about you or your child krishnaa , if he would have loved you, he shouldn't had allowed such a thing to happen with you.... Just think yourself ...if instead of you ....subhadra Or his any other wife had been in your place....would he have allowed all this things happen to them, would he had watched silently just how he did when you were being robbed there.... No right.... "
Where was his gandiv when you needed it.....Why he was not standing between you and dushasan.... Why he was not there to hold you in his mighty arms when you were falling down.... Why he doesn't announced to wage a war right then and there if anyone dared to hurt or even look at his krishnaa with ill intentions..... Why.... Why... why?
Because he does not love me enough, I concluded finally....and he also had proved this again and again and still like a shameless....I have to think about him and his feelings again.....
Why arya why you did this to me.. Am I that burden in your life , if you was so tired of me you should have just told me once ....and i myself would have disappeared from your life , but why you have to do this to me.... Why make my life a living hell,
where a simple mundane task of breathing seems like a war to me ..... But that's it.... I will end this all
Finally making my decision I went towards the writing section of my room and pen down a letter , pouring all the stuff they need to know.....excluding anything about me being pregnant ....
And finally placing the letter on the center of the bed....
I went towrds the window and jumped down towards my new future... Leaving every relation behind me... Leaving my home... Leaving my husband... Leaving my Arjun behind .... with his part safe in me.... My child....
"OUR CHILD ..... "
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Hey everyone ..... If you loved this part do vote and comment....
And also...at first I thought to write this book as a pandav panchali fanfic book..
But now as the story is progressing....I am thinking to make it an ardi novel.. As it will connect all the dots more easily ...
