A Love Like Hail

Chapter 13

I COULD NOT find Lin Xiawei alone.

Every time I open my mouth to call after her, someone blocks her view from me. It was like they were her personal portable barrier. Sometimes I felt so insane I wondered if she asked them to block me from her.

I was so dumb. Why did I say those things about her back in my homeroom teacher's office? It is just a scholarship, how could that ever be worth sacrificing what I have with Lin Xiawei? And Tsinghua is pointless without her.

I did not want to let her misunderstand me. I had to explain it to her. But with each day that passed without a word between us, I felt more and more like she hated me. Was the kiss even real? What was the meaning behind that kiss? Was I just like all those boys she kissed? I wanted to talk, but there was no time or room whether she purposely made it that way or not.

The burden of Tsinghua's tuition weighed on me too. Now that there is no scholarship, I had to start looking for other ones. But none of them could cover enough money. Just when I was going to go to the bank and look for student loan information I was called into my homeroom teacher's office.

Before he says anything, I take a deep bow with my hands between my legs. "I am sincerely sorry about what I had said before. It was very rude and unkind of me."

He sighed and gestured for me to stop with the bowing. "Ai, that's actually what I am here to discuss with you." I raise my head up and look at him with confusion. "The scholarship seems to be all yours now, Song Huiqiao."

I almost gasp, but I control what I have to say this time. "Why all of a sudden? Hasn't the decision already been made since last month?"

He looks half surprised and impatient as he raises an eyebrow at me. "Haven't you heard? Lin Xiawei declined her acceptance from Tsinghua. She is going abroad to study instead."

The words ring inside my head with echoes. He is talking more. There are words about "Song Huiqiao you're ranked second" and something about "scholarship not available for abroad" and some more words that won't go in my head.

I am running out of that place before he finishes. My heart seems to be pounding at my head as I run desperately searching for her. Back in our classroom, there are people crying.

"I cannot believe she wouldn't even finish the school year before leaving." A girl is crying to another.

"Yeah, what about graduation?"

"I heard they gave her an early certificate. I didn't even know that was possible."

I leave the classroom. How could she have left already? And how was I so dumb for not having noticed at all? The signs seem to have always been here, but I was too busy worrying over my tuition and a kiss. Was this all decided already before our kiss? Why would she kiss me if she was leaving this country?

"Lin Xiawei, how could you?" I curse, and for the first time in my days of being a good student in order to stand on equal footing with her, I skip class. It was all for nothing. I worked so hard for none of it to matter at all.

In a busy street near our school, I wave my hands like crazy to each passing car for a cab. Finally, one stops and I hop in. I did not stop to consider the dangers that could occur from hopping in a random car. I didn't care. I just needed to see her. Back then, I had been so naive. I thought that I could somehow convince her to stay. I would throw away the scholarship, Tsinghua, everything for her to stay here. Even if I were to become a nobody to her.

My legs are shaking the whole ride to her house. The car isn't going fast enough. Each ticking minute became less time together with her.

When the massive yard with a water fountain came into view, I paid the driver and left without waiting for change. If possible, I wanted to climb over their front gate. But I knew that would only limit my chances of persuading her to stay, and maybe be reported for trespassing.

I ring the bell on the front gate, and as it rings I almost think I will cry. Finally, someone answers.

"Hello? This is the Lin estate."

My voice is heavy and I have to take a deep breath before speaking. "I'm looking for Lin Xiawei, is she here right now?"

In a more monotone voice the person asked: "Who is this speaking right now?"

My fingers begin to fidget. "Um, I'm her friend, Song Huiqiao. Is Lin Xiawei available to talk right now?"

There is a pause and moment of silence.

"Hello? I just need a few minutes with her, it really won't take long."

Finally the voice on the other end speaks again.

"I apologize, but our lady has already left for her studies abroad this morning."

My knees hurt, and I catch myself just in time against the fence before the muscles in my legs defy my own weight. It's like someone intends to carve a piece of my skin off and twist my organs inside out. Everything is burning and tightening inside me. I feel like I would drown in my own tears, that they would become a never-ending flood and consume me until I become nothing. Someone on the other end of the doorbell is asking if I'm alright. How can I be alright? So much has happened that I haven't even been able to process anything. It can't be. She couldn't have left already. It isn't true. She wouldn't have left things like this.

Oh. Why are there servants coming out of her house now? What's going on? It looks like they're coming towards me. They look so angry. Why are they angry? I only wanted to ask Lin Xiawei to stay. I should be the one angry. She kissed me and left without a word. So did that mean nothing to her at all?

What? I'm trespassing? I need to stop screaming? What are her servants saying? Why are they accusing me of all these things? Why is everyone so mean to me?

I feel arms and hands all over as the big pretty house starts to grow smaller. I am being stuffed into a black car, and someone seems to be consulting me about my behavior. Before someone closes the car door on me, I catch sight of a distant figure in a small window of the house. But when I blinked again, she was gone.