A Love Like Hail

Chapter 7

FROST FROZE OVER wooden panels. My feet, naked, are glued to one spot on the ice. A numbness begins to paralyze the rest of my body. I cannot move; the exception of my tears silently falling down my cheeks.

This house is our old home. Around the walls, even with ice glazed over everything, I can recognize the countless awards and certificates hanging onto every crevice. No spots are ever missed.

Our old TV sits in front of me, the one my sister and I used to secretly watch while our parents weren't home. It glitches with ecstatic thundering, but eventually refocuses and its screams dissipates. Suddenly, I am watching a scene about my sister and Yang Yinuo.

I know it's them. The back of their figures are outlines I couldn't be more familiar with. The countless times I trailed behind them, once yearning secretly to be able to shine the way they did with their heads tilted back, a golden glow surging out from every direction. Even I, someone who wanted to hide, could not evade this glimmering light. When it touched me, I felt myself changing, a curve and joy dancing on my face.

But people never truly change from their origins. How could I, someone who shouldn't have ever been born, deserve this? Their kindness and love towards me despite the ugliness I showed wasn't enough. I wanted more, and I wanted it to stay forever. I was selfish and naive, dumb and foolish.

The two figures begin to break apart by a mystical force. Their arms reach towards each other in hopes to grasp onto the other. A silver water droplet rolled down my sister's cheek. When it falls onto the wooden panels, the lights go out. I am suddenly standing alone in pitch black once again. The more I looked around, the more lost I became. Where did the world start and end? If the world lacked color and light, where and when will I know exactly my two feet are actually standing still and tall? I dare not to take another step, thankful for this paralyzation of my limbs. For if I did move, I was afraid I would fall like my sister and Yang Yinuo. I, too, am afraid to be engulfed by the dark unknown.

When light climbs back into the dark, I am in another familiar part of our home. It is the room where I loved most, the four walls packed by bookshelves. On some of these shelves were simply free books received as gifts or donations, others are test prep books for a variety of topics. They lined the walls with no remaining space. From the entrance, a small window can be seen in front of a tiny wooden desk with a chair. Papers are usually scattered on top, but today there are none. The little window is dark outside, and a chill runs in the air. There are sounds of laughter and conversations that are familiar, yet the specific words cannot be made out. A set of moving videos surround me as it dances around with laughter, featuring my sister and I. One of them is my seventh birthday. With her allowance, my sister secretly gifted me the video game I had been begging for but my parents disapproved of. I am smiling brightly as I hold tightly onto the plastic game controller, and my sister's arms reach out to braid my hair with my favorite bow. I turn to look at another moving video. I had received a bad grade on a test, and my sister helped me hide it in her room so that our parents would not find out. She put her index finger onto her lips, and we secretly hid that paper until it was forgotten. Memories after memories roll like film tapes, spinning around in this tiny room.

Our laughter dies down, and soon the voices and images also stop. The room somewhat changes, and I slowly feel a dread grow within me as everything becomes more familiar to a certain day. The walls dim and seem to become suffocating. I want to close my eyes, but they will not listen.

There it is.

That horrific rope and small chandelier in her room. Her back faces me the way it did when I found her that day. I want to laugh and cry at the same time. This is not her. My sister, the one who is filled with radiance and a bright future, the one everyone looked up to, how can she be this person? She is supposed to live a long life. She fulfilled her duty as a filial and perfect daughter. She told me herself, didn't she? She said that everything she was doing was for future happiness. She said that she is being perfect and dutiful so that my mom can unite with her parents again. Someone who is so selfless and understanding would never take her own life.

That's right. This person here is not my sister. My sister is full of life, her beautiful face a glowing smile to everyone. This person here is not my sister. She simply cannot be.

"Huiqiao?"

I cannot look away at this limp and lifeless body in front of me. It's not my sister, but why is it that they have her voice and know my name?

"Why did you go and tell Mom everything that day?"

Somehow, my lips are able to open. "I only wanted to help!"

"Help?" A sharp laugh. It echoes around the room and haunts me. "You call that help? You never cared about me. You don't even know me."

"T-That isn't true, I spend every day and second with you and always caring about you. You're my JieJie (姐姐 older sister)."

I still cannot see her face, but her dim and still lifeless body stays unmoving except this familiar voice speaking unfamiliar words.

"Who you cared about was the sister who was never upset, always patient, never acted out, and never talked about herself or complained. The sister you thought about for years and anticipated to play with you every afternoon was exhausted from school and studying consistently by our parents, but still she had to entertain you. She had to be perfect, and that also included her duty at home and as a sister. But you know what is the worst of it all? That I cared deeply for you, my 妹妹 (Mei Mei; younger sister), who did not know me and only wanted this version of me that my parents wanted. Even though you were just like my parents, I trusted you. I thought: My 妹妹 is young, she is different from our parents, she will change. I'll always have time to slowly let her learn about who I am. I let you into my circle that day with Yinuo, because I wanted you to see a part of me and a life outside of this suffocating home. I wanted you to be able to lead a life that was different from mine. I wanted you to live the way a free bird may roam the vast sky without inhibitions. And I deeply hoped that once I helped you out of our parents' grasp, perhaps I could join you too."

This isn't my sister. My sister would never speak like this, full of melancholy. She would never talk to me like this...This cannot be her.

"Look at me, Huiqiao."

I stare at the bottom corner of the room, anywhere except this foreign body.

"If you still have one bit of consciousness left, look at my dead body."

I try to squeeze my eyes shut, my heart thundering against my chest and sweat suddenly all over my skin. "S-Stop this 姐姐 I'm sorry! That day I only wanted you to be able to stay together with Yinuo. All I ever wanted was the best for you. You said it yourself, I was young. It wasn't...my fault. I didn't know better."

An invisible force starts strangling my throat. Pain screams at every part of my neck, each second leading to a tighter grip. I cannot breathe. Tears sprinkle out my eyes, and my vision begins to blur and become black.

I never saw my sister's face when she died that day, but I cannot seem to get the face I never saw out of my head.

This body finally turns, and my eyes are forced open as white foam begins to gurgle out of my mouth. I cannot move or respond. Helplessly, I watch the body climb its way closer. Finally, her hands are on my very own throat. Her eyes bulge out with red veins crawling on every crevice, and her look is full of sorrow and betrayal.

"You deserve to die the way you killed me."

The last thing I see is a lifeless expression, her face dry with marks left from cascading tears.

-------

Sorry today is a short chapter! Please comment and vote on chapters :) !!!