FAR FROM ERIS • FreenBecky •

FIFTY

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The cold of that place somehow reminded her of another life. Of her other self. The one left behind six years ago. The smell of the river mixed with the metal of that monstrous and gigantic structure made the hair on her body stand on end. She hadn't crossed that bridge since that night, since that moment when everything she knew collapsed. Some people might wonder how the death of someone you don't know can affect you so deeply. Freen also wondered, that in some way, that girl was not a stranger to her. She couldn't explain it, but when she jumped, she felt as if a part of her heart broke to follow her through the abyss, floating beside her only to collide with the water and be swept away to the sea, then evaporate and rise to the sky, and then return in the form of rain, just as she said the water would to remember her. Freen only wished to follow her wherever she went, and keep trying to save her forever.

The wind lifted her hair and cooled her wet cheeks. The tracks left by tears were still there, shining like the few stars that could be seen in that terrible city. She gripped the metal railing, trembling. All her fears enveloped her like a dark mass, and she felt her heart pounding in her ears, when suddenly she felt her presence. She knew it was her and didn't even have to turn around to make sure. The girl stood by her side and grabbed the bridge railing with her hands in the same way. For a few seconds, neither of them said anything, not even Freen, who continued to gaze into the distance where the river vanished fiercely and majestically.

-You promised me you wouldn't lean over any bridges- Freen finally said without taking her eyes off the distance.

-And you promised me you wouldn't disappear- Becky replied. A heavy silence, laden with an indefinite number of emotions, descended upon them like a blanket over their shoulders.

-I don't know what I'm supposed to do now- Freen finally said.

-I don't think there's much we can do- Becky sighed. -There's too much I don't understand, and there's as much that I resist understanding.-

-I've spent years thinking you were dead. Thinking I couldn't save you- Freen's eyes welled up, still gazing into the distance.

-But you did save me, Freen- Becky said softly. - You saved me. I didn't jump that night, and I didn't because you showed up.-

-But that wasn't me- Freen lowered her gaze. -I didn't do it.-

-The Freen who saved me was tender, was fun, and stayed with me until I got off this damn bridge. That Freen may not have been in this universe, but it was definitely you- she sighed. -But... I can't help thinking about that girl, about the Becky you knew.-

-She was so sad- Freen sighed -so much so that when she looked at me, I felt pierced. I still don't know what could have happened to her that nothing convinced her to stay here.-

-We'll never know that- Becky said, her gaze lost. -I also wonder what would happen to the other Freen. It breaks my heart to think that after that night, she might have looked for me and found out that I jumped, or that the other Becky jumped anyway.-

-I guess that in every universe, I end up totally messed up- Freen said.

-And I guess in all of them it's my fault,- Becky whispered. She fell into a silence full of sadness for a few seconds and then moved several steps away from her. -Maybe it's better if I go and stop ruining realities for you.- Freen lowered her gaze, and Becky could see a couple of tears falling on that metal railing. She held on for an eternal minute, wishing with all her soul that the girl would stop her. But that didn't happen. -I'm so sorry, Freen.-

She began to walk towards the end of the bridge, feeling every inch of her skin burning with pain for leaving Freen there, for not being able to make her feel better. She understood the helplessness the girl felt then; she couldn't save her now either.

Freen listened to Becky's footsteps fade away and felt as if a giant fist squeezed her lungs and heart. She couldn't lose her, not again. She turned her head and saw her several meters away, but her body was frozen, unable to move. She remembered that blockage, remembered that involuntary fear response that glued her feet to the ground and turned her into a stone statue. And Becky walked away, so far that she disappeared from view, and then Freen felt as if the bridge disappeared beneath her feet.

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