same beginning same ending: only us

(3) Cole brookstone

TW!
Suicide and ED (eating disorder)

April 4 2015

I really miss mom. Maybe if she was here i wouldnt cry and dad wont hit me because of it. And besides that, he wants us to move away.
I just wish i dont have to move away from my friends.
I hope he wont hit me anymore.

April 8 2015

Why does dad have to drink? He scares me.

[....]

December 18 2019

I actually forgot about this diary but dad told me to clean my room and
whateever its not like someone is ever going to read this shit but i fucking hate this Christmas. Why can't mom just be here, I swear I fucking hate Christmas. I'm actually glad dad is barely home, I hate when he's here. All he does is yell and drink.
And besides that, he expects me to be perfect when he's a fucking piece of shit. Bro, if I ever find this diary again I hope you already ran away, I cant deal with this. Actually, I hope you never find this again and you're out of here.

——————————————

C

Cole? Oh yeah, the new Brookstone, the Cole Brookstone that's gonna carry their name, the Brookstone that's gonna be grater than any of them, the Brookstone that's gonna gonna walk straight on their footsteps, oh he's gonna be just like his father.

Just like his father...

Oh, Cole? The Cole Brookstone? The one that drowns his cries and punches himself so his father wont hear him? Because if he hears him he's gonna beat him up even harder? Oh yeah, I guess I know him. The Brookstone that's a complete disappointment.

...a disappointment.

Begging for his father to stop yelling, praying that it will go away, staying up just to make sure he won't get in, praying that the door will hold.

Ohh but did it hold? Did it really hold his father to not get in? Did it hold his mouth shut?

He was 12 and is scared to cry. He's scared to make a sound or he'd wake up the beast. He was scared to make a sound because he'd do it louder. Will his father ever come back? Will he ever remember he is his son? How perfect does he have to be for his father to love him?

He was 13 and exhausted from trying to be perfect. His father doesn't look his way anymore, he only sees mistakes infront of his eyes. Does he see him as a mistake too? Is he only a statue of his own mistakes?

He was 14 and his fathers words didn't affect him anymore. It was only scary because he started to dress differently, listen to different music and skip dance classes which at first wasn't something big for him. His father was too busy with his friends he could do whatever he wants to.
But he came home mad once. He heard about Coles school situation and that just got him in lots of trouble. Ever since, his father was more and more home and it was dangerous.
In December, was his first attempt. If his father wants to be home, then Cole wont. Well.. it was just too much so he tried to die. And maybe that would make his father care more, if he sees him struggling he will care, just a little more.. But he didn't.
,,I'm very disappointed in you Cole." Was the very first thing he told him. Can he be surprised? No, he wasn't.
He didn't want to eat anymore, he didn't want to get fat. He didn't want to be overlooked by his father.

He'd cut, and throw up, and that left a very bad taste on his tounge. Does his father feel the same taste while spitting out those awful words to him? Calling him fat?

He was 15 and he can't cry normally, hes already done with everything, it only gets worse, it gets worse, only worse. He's worse than any Brookstone in the history, that's what his father said. He hides in his high-school studio to learn how to play guitar. His mother loved how he used to play guitar, she always supported him in whatever he did. He just wishes his father will too.
He got weaker and weaker the teacher told him he can no longer dance, it was dangerous (last three times he fainted) and he should see a doctor.
But did he see one? No.

He was 16 and tried to stop. He tried to stop trying to kill himself and stop cutting. It wasn't like he cared about himself, but the people started to suspect something and he doesnt wanna get in trouble with his father.
Even tho.. his father wasn't really that mad at him everytime he's back on the hospital bed. He's just disappointed and pissed.
And well, he yells back at his father with no shame. When he's sober, he's not that abusive and atleast Cole has the courage to hit back, but when he's drunk Cole's an absolut coward.

He's completely traumatised by the yelling of his father, the constant ringing his father leaves in his ears. He beating, plates slammed on the floor, anything his father would find around him would be thrown in his direction. Being threatened, manipulated, pulled, pushed, stabbed. Did the maids care? Many of them quit their job but the money they got, ohh my lord who would say a word?

Oh the history of Cole Brookstone. The Cole Brookstone the girls obsess over because he's so different. He better not disappoint.

—————I am very sorry if this sounds sooo weird but I lost the last part and I rushed to do another part. I hope you understood most of it but details will be shown around the chapters.. Also, I will no longer put warnings before chapters anymore because all the warnings you need are in desc.
Anyway, chapter 4 is almost done!!
(I'll probably correct my mistakes later)