Lost in Confusion

Chapter 7

All of a sudden there was a loud knock on the door. Knowing who it was all my sadness turned into rage. Every bad thing that had ever happened to me boiled to its ugly head. In those few seconds before Darry got up to open the door I thought about every bad thing that had ever happened to me. My parents dying, the ex who broke my heart at 14, the Soc's who jumped me when I was 15, Dallas' nonexistent friendship with me, and of course Brody cheating on me. I was like a bomb the time ticking away until it exploded and when the door opened to be faced with Brody I was a few seconds away from blowing up. 

Brody looked at me ignoring everyone around us, "Gracie, I'm sorry I'm so so sorry", I looked at him harshly, "Sorry. You're sorry!" I yelled. "We've been together three years and I walk in on you with another girl and all you have to say is you're sorry!". Brody said nothing just looked away. All the boys were looking in between him and I. All of them knew I was gonna explode, they anxiously stared at us waiting for someone to say something next. "Why did you do it?" I said calmly. He looked up at me dumbfounded, "What?". " I said, why did you do it?" I yelled a bit louder.  

He stopped, looking at me in disbelief. He didn't care that he had cheated on me. His ego was more bruised from a woman yelling at him. "Do you know how hard it is to be with you?" he says. Now he wants to make this about me just to distract from the fact that he's the cheater. "Oh, please enlighten me". He says nothing. The anger inside of me was reaching its ugly head and him not saying anything was making it worse for him. I just looked at him, "Your a fucking coward you know that. You can't even give me an explanation as to why you fucking did what you did". I yelled. "For the three years we've been together I've watched guys fawn over you and I just wanted someone who would look at me the way men look at you." "Brody, I looked at you the way men look at me. You've been fucking that girl for your ego because you're an insecure dick. Don't try to put your shit on me!" After I said that hell broke loose he looked like he was gonna explode. 

In the moments leading up to his meltdown I'd never seen the boys so quiet. They anxiously awaited the next words, as if they were watching a football game. Brody looks at me with anger in his eyes, "Do you know how hard it's been for me. Watching one of your best friend's fall in love with you more and more every single day!". "Brody, what the fuck are you talking about". Brody lifts his hand up and points to Dallas who was sitting on the couch, "He's in love with you! He has been ever since the first day I met you. I could tell from a mile away. So stop the bullshit and admit that you've known this whole time". "Will you stop with this fucking Dallas bullshit. He is not in love with me. I haven't spoke to him in months and I did it all for you because I loved you". "Oh come one Gracie. Stop with this act. The reason I've been fucking that girl is because I couldn't stand to watch Dallas fawn over you and partially because up until I proposed you wouldn't put out".

That one last line. Pushed me over the edge. I was slowly putting the pieces together. This wasn't  a one time thing he's been doing this for months. Every little thing started to make sense like how his friends got into a fight at that party we went to and he had told me one of the guys was messing with someone's girl. That guy was him and it all made sense now. "Get out." He looked at me, "Gracie no, you know I didn't mean that. I'm sorry. I love you baby please I'll never do it again. I promise". I reached for the glass of water that was sitting on the table and chucked it at him as I screamed, "Get the fuck out! I never want to see you again." He ran out the door like the coward he was. I calmly set my ring on the dining room table. I looked at the boys who seemed to be in disbelief and walked right up the stairs into my room and locked the door. 

I took the pack of cigarettes I kept in a box under my bed out and quickly lit one. I could feel myself slipping away slowly but surely I could feel myself slipping into my old habits. That night after everyone went to sleep I cried all night. I sobbed looking at pictures of Brody and I and what we had. I sobbed looking at his jacket in my closet. I sobbed looking at the cigarettes I was smoking because he bought them for me. It was about 3 A.M. when my mind just couldn't take it anymore and I fell asleep. My mind wouldn't stop that night and I didn't know how I was even able to get any sleep but all I knew was I did not want to wake up the next morning. 

p.s- so sorry I haven't updated in so long. i don't know if anyone is rlly engaged with this story rn but i hope you like it so far!!