Turned to Dust

Forty Eight

Forty Eight

After we eat our breakfast, Mommy Elren keep on insisting that we should rest upstairs. Siya na daw muna ang bahala kay Argus na masiglang naglalaro ng mga laruang binili nila para sa kanya. Mahigpit ang hawak ni Augustus sa kamay ko habang inaakay niya ako paakyat sa kanyang kwarto.

Their mansion is so gorgeous, I wonder what the design of Augustus house suddenly. Maybe I can squeeze that some other time if maayos na at nakausap ko na sila Mommy. He slowly open his door, dito palang sa pintuan kitang-kita ko na ang pagka-manly ng kulay nito. Its all black and white. Malawak ang kwarto niya 'rito at halatang-halatang hindi na gaano nabibisita, maybe because he has now his own penthouse or house. Nakakatulog nalang ata siya dito kapag may mga occasion. 

I sat down on his own couch, in-front of it is his king size bed and 60 inches tv. There's also another door beside the headboard of his bed...hula ko'y walk-in closet niya ito at sa gilid nito ay ang bathroom niya.

Humilig ako sa headboard ng couch at napapikit. Augustus also lean on the headboard but his body are facing me.

"Are you tired?" malambing na tanong niya. Kahit kanina pa naman ako natapos umiyak-ramdam ko parin ang maga sa mata ko.

I smiled warmly at him. "You grew up in a lovable family Gus..."

"Uhm..." he closed our distance by resting his head on my shoulder. "And I envy you because of that." he lifted his head to look at me. But then I slowly caress his jaw to hold his chin so he can clearly saw me.

"Pero kahit ganun, I still love you and thank the heavens above for giving you to me." I said and look at him lovingly. I feel how the stubbles on his face sharp my hand. 

"I just realized how the heaven takes action to dissolve the anger in my heart through you. Because you are complete and full of love, they introduced me to you so you can fill my empty heart with your loved." I said with full of sincerity and then a tears suddenly escaped his eyes.

I wipe it so slowly. "I love you..." I said passionately, not leaving his eyes. "Thank you for saving me."

Funny how he shed his tears with my words, he was moved by it... He hug me tightly and buried his face on my neck. I chuckled when I heard his sniffing.

"What happened to my playboy Augustus Jerl Madrigal... the one night stand man? Why are you crying!" I tease him dahilan kung bakit mas humigpit ang yakap niya sa akin.

Nakaidlip ako sa yakap niya, nagising na lamang ng marinig ang dagundong ng aking cellphone. Napabangon ako para kuhanin 'yun at sagutin ngunit naunahan na ako ni Augustus. Siya ang sumagot ng tawag!

"Yes this is Samantha's husband." kumunot ang noo ko sa bati niya.

"Yes...we will be there." sagot niya sa kabilang linya. "Dinner? Alright po. We're with our son." he nodded and ended the call. Napalunok ako dahil alam ko na kung sino yun pero naniguro parin ako.

"Sino 'yun?" tanong ko sa kanya.

"Your Dad. They want to talk to us later, dinner in your house." I sighed and slowly nodded.

"Are you fine with that?" tanong niya ng makita ang paghinga ko ng malalim. 

"I guess? Kailangan na nating i-settle ito as soon as possible para matahimik na 'din tayo. Need ko pang maghanap ng mga schools malapit dito or kahit saan. I also need to go back to work and Argus birthday." Gus slowly nodded while biting his lips. He kissed my forehead.

"Lets take it slow." he whispered to me. I gently nodded.

Hapon noon nang magdesisyon kaming mag-asikaso para sa gagawing pagharap kila Mommy. Sumama si Mommy Elren para masamahan si Argus habang hinaharap namin ang magulang ko. Augustus was the one driving our car while I am beside him, Mommy Elren is at the back with Argus who's now watching on his iPad.

Mas tumindi ang kaba ko habang nakikita ang pamilyar na pamilyar na daan pa-pasok sa aming village. Gus saw my nervousness kaya dahan-dahan niyang inabot ang kamay ko upang mapakalma ito. I glanced at him, he gave me the most re-assuring smile he can give. Tipid lang akong ngumiti at binalik ulit ang mata sa daan.

Naunang bumaba sa akin si Augustus, pinagbuksan niya ako ng pinto habang tinatanaw ang malaking bulwagan namin. Binati kami ng guard, gayun din ang mga nag-aabang na kasambahay. Ngunitian ko ang iilan sa kanila at nagsimula nang maglakad. 

Malalaki ang hakbang ni Augustus habang papasok sa loob samantalang naduduwag naman ang hakbang ko. Ilang beses akong napalunok at naghahanap ng hangin dahil sa sobra-sobrang kaba. Bumalik sa ala-ala ko ang pinagdaanan ko sa bahay na ito--lahat ng pagtitiis, sampal at mga masasakit na salita na binabato ni Mommy sa akin.

When we go inside, para akong batang nagtatago sa likod ng aking asawa. Matapang naman akong tao--lahat nga nakayanan ko, but when it comes to my parents parang lahat ng tapang ko naibabasura.

"Magandang gabi po." bati ni Augustus sa kanila.

"Uh...ijo magandang gabi din. Si Samantha?" boses ni Dad ang bumungad sa amin. I slowly show myself in front of Dad. Malaki ang ngiti niya nang makita ako but for me his eyes screams pain and hurt despite him smiling.

"Good Evening Dad." I greeted him hesitantly. During those years that I lived with them,  I didn't receive any insult or anger from him. He didn't physically hurt me unlike Mom. But you know what hurts more than anything...its the way he looks at me. Its full of disappointment.

Pero ngayon habang tinititigan ko si Dad parang nadudurog ang puso ko'ng makita ang mga mata niyang halos magmakaawa sa akin. I don't know but I cant seem to look at him longer, kaya pinili kong magbaba na lamang ng tingin.

"Maupo kayo...bababa na din ang Mommy niyo." aniya. Humigpit ang hawak ni Augustus sa kamay ko at nakita 'yun ni Daddy. Inalalayan ako ni Gus sa upuan kaharap si Dad.

"Augustus..." tawag ni Dad sa kanya. I slowly lifted my eyes to look at Dad. He smiled at him.

"I want to thank you for doing something great to our family, especially to our business." I swallowed hard while listening to him. 

"...and I'm sorry." yumuko si Dad sa harap namin at umiling-iling. 

"I heard that you get married. I want to go and walk her in the aisle...but-" namuo ang luha sa mata ko at hindi na napigilan ang pagbagsak noon.

"But I can't do it." nabasag ang boses ni Dad na mas lalong nagpadurog ng puso ko. Napayuko ako ulit at pinanuod ang mga luhang tuloy-tuloy na nagbagsakan sa aking seda.

"Especially when I think of how much she suffered from us." naikuyom ko ang aking kamao habang patuloy na pinapakinggan ang aking ama na unti-unting nadudurog sa aking harap.

"We will understand if Samantha didn't want us in her lives again... I will understand." napahigpit ang hawak ko sa kamay ni Gus. "We-I mean I understand" marahang  sambit ni Dad tama lang para marinig namin.

My heart became numb at all of what he said. After ng ilang minuto tinabihan na ni Mom si Daddy. She's smiling like nothing happened between us. Or baka mas nagugustuhan niya ang sitwasyon.

"I'm sorry for being late, may tinawagan lang." Si Mommy nakangiti. Kaagad nag-iwas ng tingin si Dad sa kanya. Ayaw ipakita ang pamumula ng mata.

"Augustus Madrigal...I heard you married my daughter?" Sinipat ako ni Mommy na para bang may ginawa ako sa harap niya at nakakahiya 'yun! And the she smile widely again. "What a great timing! Actually matagal na matagal na kitang gusto para kay Samantha at ngayon nagpakasal na kayo nang mabilisan. Of course I am so delighted! Lalo pa at ikaw daw ang umayos ng gusot ng pamilya namin? We are very thankful for that!" Laglag ang panga ko sa sunod-sunod na binitawan ni Mommy.

Kitang-kita ko ang pag-alma ni Daddy sa tabi niya.

"So now this dinner...lets talk about how much share should we invest so-"

"Sia!" Dad voice thundered throughout the whole house.

"Mom!" pigil ko sa sinasabi niya. Halos sabay kami ni dad.

"What?" galit siyang bumaling sa akin. "You married him without saying this to us before hand! We also heard about your son?! Baka naman Samantha, pinapasalo mo lang sa kanya--" napatayo ako at sobrang nanlumo sa mga sinasabi niya. Napaatras ako at mariing napapikit.

Its all business. For my Mom I am still her investment.

"I already set a date for the two of you back then! I know now what's been playing on your bitchy mind Samantha! You will always find a way to sabotage everything I plan...like this investment! Na muntik pang maglaho dahil diyan sa kakatihan mo!" Sapo ang noo ni Dad at halos mag-ngitngit ang galit niya kay Mommy.

Natulala ako at natawa na lang sa mga sinasabi niya. I bitterly laughed at her. Ano nga ba ang aasahan ko kay Mom? Talaga bang umasa akong mag-iiba ang tingin at turing niya sa akin? Talaga bang kumapit ako sa pag-asang baka matanggap niya ako?

This is ridiculous! Bakit ko ba inaaksaya ang sarili kong maging katanggap tanggap sa paningin niya when all of it---is just her own benefits. Like I said... I am her assets that she needs to invest. Baka kung wala kaming 'yaman, isa ako sa magiging prostitute niya para lang magka-pera!

"Hanggang ngayon ba Mom ganito ka parin?" tanging nasabi ko. Sumusuko na akong intindihin at patawarin siya.

"We came here to ask  for your blessings. Afterall you were my parents, my adopted parents. Utang ko sainyo ang lahat ng meron ako ngayon! But I guess this is enough Mom. I want so much to introduce you to my son..." kita ko ang pagkurap-kurap niya sa harap ko at nabigla sa sinabi ko. Hinanap niya pa sa likod ko si Argus at kumunot ang noo ng hindi niya ito makita. 

"But now I realized maybe its better if we just stay this way. Us being away from you... I don't want my son to experience how much I suffer while growing up. I don't want him to think that its okay to please your parents even if you are torn inside just to get their approval of your existence. I don't him want him to know you Mom." Napatayo si Dad dahil sa sinabi ko. Mom is also glaring at me murderously.

"Dad...I'm sorry po." tuluyang nabasag ang luha ko at napaiwas ng tingin para hindi makita ang sakit sa mga mata niya.

"I'm sorry Dad. But maybe its the best for us if we stayed this way." Umatras na ako at ganun din si Augustus pero huminto siya at tinago ako sa likuran niya. Mag-isa niyang hinarap ang mga magulang ko ngayon. Tahimik akong pinapanuod ang malapad niyang likod like he's taking a bullet for me. He's protecting me from most painful battle that I have and had.

"I'm sorry Sir to interrupt you but as Samantha's husband..." he trailed off. "I'm still thankful for whatever you've done to her. From giving her shelter down to her education but I will never tolerate how you painfully inflicted her a violence that nobody can deserved." napakapit ako sa damit niya para pigilan siya dahil mas sumidhi ang galit sa mga mata ni Mom dahil sa sinasabi niya.

"No one should be treated like that even if she's not your real daughter or she's just your adopted child. No one deserve that...you should be thankful because Sam didn't file a case against from you. Imagine those helpless night of being alone because he thinks that she deserve every slap she received from you. Imagine those trauma while facing you. You didn't know how she shut the world from other people. Nahirapan po akong pasukin siya dahil sa takot na unti-unti niyong binuo sa pagkatao niya." Gus said angrily and wearily at them. His breathing are hard halatang nagtitimpi ng galit para sa bibitawang salita.

Akala ko tapos na akong umiyak sa araw na ito pero bawat salitang binibitawan ni Augustus sa harap nila ay nanunuot sa aking puso.

"I'll try so hard to destroy that wall that you build for her just to get her out of that darkness, but I didn't do it! The only one who destroyed it...is our son. So don't involve my son into this!" Gus paused and look at my Mom angrily. "...and Argus Jazriel is my son, not some guy who you want for my wife! Everything you've done to her, lahat nang perang pinakawalan mo noong pinapalaki niyo siya. I will double it... ibabalik ko 'yun sainyo! This is my fight for her that she deserve as her guardian. And my fight is for your name to be vanished on her birth certificate."

Hinarap ako ni Augustus matapos niyang sabihin 'yun at ang galit na galit niyang emosyon ay biglang nalusaw nang makita ang pag-iyak ko sa harap niya.

We left our house. My old house, my old family.

Maybe this is what it is...for me to lived a peaceful life we need to let go everything even if the people on it are the one who mold you.