A story to all bullies

First year

I was so excited to go into first year. Excited to make new friends. Excited to meet new people. Excited to learn! I woke up at 6:30ish and got dressed out of my jammies into my uniform. I ran downstairs to get my breakfast. Got ready for school. Got in the car. Then it hit me... I was terrified. I didn't want to go anymore.
"Someone's looking excited this morning, huh?" I remember clearly my mum saying. Thoughts rushed through my head like a jet plane. I waited a minute before answering "Yes, I am really excited, I wonder what it's going to be like!".
"Listen you'll be fine darling," said mum, turning the keys to start the engine.

When we got to school my mum walked me in to the bit where the trees where. There was a lot of people there as it was just before 9 o'clock. I gripped my mum's hand tighter. "Mummy don't leave me! Please," the tears rolling down my cheeks. My mum kissed me whispering "you're going to be alright, trust me. I'll be there to pick you up at 3:15 ok?". I tugged her hand and said "but I don't know the way to my class." My mum brought me into the foyer. She got one of the sixth formers to walk me to my form class. My mum said goodbye and kissed me on they forehead.

We stayed in form class all day. There was this thing called registration. The teacher had to mark off your name on the computer or on a piece of paper. I sat on my own and didn't speak a word to anyone. I isolated myself from the rest of the class. Even in group work.
When the school day had ended, the teacher walked us to the bus bays. She said that we would be starting classes tomorrow. My heart thundered at the thought. I walked on towards the gates as I saw my mum waiting for me. "Hi mummy!", I squealed as I ran towards her. I had never been so joyed to see anyone in my life. I told her all about the first day of school. How scary it was. What we did. That we would be starting classes tomorrow. That we got a tour of the school as well. She just smiled and continued driving, not saying a word.

The next day I was a little bit timid. Again I didn't speak to anyone. Classes were scary but all the homework we got was to back books. We had this thing called a homework diary too. That was where we wrote our homework into. The same thing happened as the day before I told my mum all about it and everything that happened once again. This time she laughed and said sounds like you're having fun. I left it at that. I wasn't having fun. I was terrified. I just kept it locked away inside and pretended to be ok. I then decided I didn't want to talk about my school days anymore.

It was in drama when I realised everybody else had made friends and I was just stuck by myself with a bunch of too-cool-for-me-to-be-friends-with kids. Our drama teacher said that we had to get into groups by the end of the lesson and we would be given a sheet to practice in the groups. I had nobody to work with as everyone else apart from 1 other person had groups already formed. When we were going out the door for break I decided to ask the girl without a group would she like to work with me. She didn't hear me so I followed her around at breaktime. She moved to the bin, I followed her there. Where she moved I would follow. I finally plucked up the courage to ask her again. Her hair was so long and thick. She was really pretty and he voice was as soft as a baby's bottom. She said ok and I nearly leapt with joy! I was so happy. Me and her weren't really friends at that moment so the next day I went over to the girl who was in a group but didn't have any friends. "Whoa, you're tall" was the first thing I said to her as I looked up to meet her eyes. She said thanks and I went all red. I remember being all embarrassed and everything. We talked for a while and the girl I mentioned earlier came over as she got slightly jealous of me and the tall girl talking. I am still friends with them girls now. We've been through a lot together. From breakups to heartbreak, from illness to grades. We went through it all. Their names are Scarlet and Hope. Hope as I said was very tall and she had an American accent even though she was from here (Northern Ireland). I made friends with her very quickly. Scarlet however took a little longer. But not that long.

The next week on Monday we had a class called PD (personal development). We stayed in our form class for that. Again I sat on my own. A girl named Adeem came in to our class. She had been moved class as the class she was in was too hard for her. She has permanent crutches. She'd brown hair. She was around the same hight as me. As she walked in she sat down beside me. I was at the front of the classroom beside the window. Little did I know that that was where I would sit for the duration of the year (apart from exam time). Me and her immediately started talking. I don't know what it is but there was just something about her that just made us click. By the end of class we were friends. Hope and Scarlet were waiting outside the classroom for me to walk to our next class. I guess they wanted to be my friend. I should mention that they sat beside each other in form class.

That next month I started to go a bit crazy. This is the medical side of stuff. I was diagnosed with schizophrenia and had to go on medication. I hated it. I didn't want this. It came to me for no reason. Well maybe there was but I forget. I started having hallucinations everyday and believe me I hated it. I was put on a higher dosage and that seemed to help better. The doctors knew it was dangerous and so did I. I was off school for at least 2 months. On and off different medications. Why wouldn't it just go away?

When I came back to school the Christmas play was on. I got to sit and watch it with my friends but under assistant supervision. I soon got used to having an assistant.
I didn't do very well in my Christmas exams because I was off a lot. I didn't know half the stuff. My brain was mucked up and so were my emotions. I ended up crying during one of the tests.

During that Christmas when we were off for the break I gained a lot of weight for a few weeks. The doctors said it could be due to the medication. I got lowered on my meds as I was getting better. But a month or two later they had to up my medication again as it wasn't working and I was starting to shake quite a lot. Of course the tremors are still there and I don't think I'll be able to ever get rid of them but they are very slight so I don't mind that much. I guess I've got used to them.

When I got back to school in January I started to hate having an assistant. I wanted to be by myself. I started to avoid them and go off with my friends Scarlet and Hope. Most of the people with assistants didn't like having them.

This is the awkward part that I didn't mention. Yes I'm a girl. Yes I have them. But they got extremely bad. Sorry boys if you're reading this. I couldn't even walk yet alone go to school. Worst thing was it lasted 7 days. I had a lot of embarrassing moments when I was in school with it.

When I was in school my grades got very low. Teachers tried to talk to me but I wouldn't answer. In class if the teacher called my name for me to answer a question I would just stare blankly ahead. I hardly did any work because I didn't understand it. You see I have dyslexia. Level 4 dyslexia and that's bad. My results sucked. I had to go to learning support and stuff. The people there were nice but I felt like I was being treated like a baby. I hated it. But I did get better. Eventually my grades improved as I realised that I needed to start to believe in myself and if I didn't I would get bad grades and might not be able to get the job I want in the future. Well that never happened anyway. I am not a shop worker living in a small flat with 2 children and no husband. Like my mum I guess.

Near the end of first year I stopped being a baby and started trying harder. I achieved better grades in my summer test and my highest was 43%. I was pretty proud of myself as my Christmas exam results were 27% or less. I still have them tests. Deary me.

When it was time to go off for summer I decided to make Facebook. I added Scarlet and Hope and a few other people that I knew. I wanted to stay in touch with my friends via mobile, social media and email. Saying that it sounds so old. To me anyway.

I was then deadly ready to go out and enjoy my summer.