A Big Book of Short Stories

I'm Not Crazy, Right?

Word count: 3696

This is dedicated to my grandfather who died of complications of Alzheimer's and everyone who loved him that watched his mind deteriorate.

Cecil is about 70 years old. He has stage 3, soon to be stage 4, Alzheimer’s disease.He has trouble remembering where he is and who the people are around him. Luckily, he doesn’t have too much trouble with his body. He can still dress himself, for the most part, he can walk without a walker unlike most of the other patients he shares a building with. The challenge mostly comes with his brain. Hallucinations, delusions, and paranoia are extremely prevalent in his day to day. 

Where most people would see someone and recognize them as a friendly nurse trying to help, Cecil recognizes them as a asshole he lived near many years ago. That is, if he recognizes them at all. He is aware of all of this. He knows there’s something wrong with his brain but he’s stuck banging on glass begging to be in control of himself again. When someone asks if there’s something wrong with his brain, once he thinks about it for a bit, he’ll get mad and say something like “are you calling me stupid” but he can’t be blamed, that question could easily be an insult when used in the right context.

Cecil sits next to the record player. His favorite Elvis track, Suspicious Minds, is playing. A few memories come back: driving around with his wife and listening to the radio that plays only the best songs or eating at the diner with a jukebox. He’s overwhelmed with despair over the realization that these memories have been long lost and only recovered with the music but he’s overjoyed with the thought that maybe, just maybe, the memories will stay and he can be slightly normal again. He wants to go to his wife, hug her, and tell her how much he’s remembered and how much he loves her. This happens almost every time he listens to music from his past. This isn’t an uncommon occurrence, either. This happens to most Alzheimer’s patients and has been studied to prove how music and memory are closely interlocked and, despite the fading of memory, will be forever interlocked as long as a person has half of a brain, which for some Alzheimer’s patients is just too much.

Another patient is having a breakdown outside of the walls of his room. Cecil wonders how he is in the same place as them. The patient screams for her husband and insists that he is very much alive. Her husband is long dead though. Cecil doesn’t think he acts like this, he can’t remember ever doing anything like this, but he does know that just because he doesn’t remember doesn’t mean that it didn’t happen. The trouble patient causes the nurse that has been sitting in the corner of the room observing Cecil to go and see if any of the staff needs help. Cecil is now alone in his room.

The Elvis record continues to play. Cecil can’t help but pay attention to his voice. It seems to call for his respect. Eventually, the song starts to fade out but he’s listened to this song enough to know not to fall for that trick and sure enough, it fades back in for its own encore. He remembers the first time he heard this song and how he was totally blown away by its end. He never heard anything like before. A song that’s so good it seems like it refuses to die.

A nurse comes into Cecil’s room. He recognizes her as the same nurse from before but in actuality, he’s wrong. The nurse that was in his room before wasn’t even a woman like this new nurse. She has a friendly smile on her face but Cecil can barely even tell its a smile. She looks at him an1d tries to get his attention by saying “hello, Mr. Elieson?”

Cecil does hear the nurse but the meaning of her words go in one ear and out the other and instead of responding he just continues to pay attention to Elvis sing a verse about being caught in a trap. The nurse is slightly annoyed, like anyone would be when they are just ignored, but she knows that her job requires endless patience and she’s fine with it. She taps his shoulder and once again asks for his attention and she actually gets it this time. He responds with a “hmm?”