Keeper of the Lost Secrets

CHAPTER NINETEEN: I Have the Biggest and Most Giddying and Epiphany of my Life

The question brought me out of my utopia of sweet scrolls and into the reality of why everyone was here to begin with: to see if Keefe was single. Before I could control myself, I rolled my eyes and groaned.

"Seriously, Biana?" I dipped my head but fixed my gaze on her. She stared back at me icily, her friends, watching the exchange with short breaths and whispers.

"It's a good question, Fitzy," Keefe said, flashing a lazy smile at me. He looked at Biana with no interest at all. "No, I'm not dating anyone."

A silence loomed over the table, everyone picking at the scrolls, no one missing the air of discomfort Biana's question had brought, nor the finality Keefe spoke his answer with.

"Do you have anyone in mind?" Yasuda, a girl with hair so reflective, I could see faint silhouettes of objects shine, pressed on. Keefe spared a glance at me before continuing.

"Yeah, I do." This time, he spoke with an intend to ask. "Why do you ask?"

Another silence. This time I noticed shifting faces shift to Biana, who was looking everywhere and nowhere all at once. I tilted my head to the side. I then turned to stare at Keefe. The maroon jerkin he wore had intricate patterns weaved in a gold thread. I looked up to his eyes to see a moment of uncertain cross his face, but the shadows that fell on them hid them away when he turned his face to the crowd.

"The real question, I think," Keefe said. "Is Fitz here dating anyone?"

The whispers that broke out was the same sort of noise I heard when I sat with Biana's friends. They were all at the same time, and hearing them individually, every single word made sense. But now, they were a cacophony of what was supposed to be white noise but yet, I could hear one thing through all of them: Fitz.

"I'm not dating anyone," I said, silencing the budding rumours like a conductor on stage. "And I don't have anyone in mind."

"Aw, that's a shame," Keefe said, sliding closer to me and staring at me with no expression at all, but it still felt like he wanted me to know. "I'm sure there are plenty of available people out there."

A chorus of scoffs and grunts echoed the room. I touched my cheeks, and I felt them heating up immediately. I cleared my throat and prayed that the colour didn't show on my skin. Keefe moved closer to me, the scent of some fruit, one I couldn't recognise, now strong. He then moved away and cleared his throat, no longer looking at me.

"Fitz?" Biana's right eye twitched, and I knew that couldn't be good. "Can I talk to you? Alone?"

Uh oh. I was in trouble. "Yeah, sure." I glanced back at the group, Biana's friends plastering the same confused expression on their faces. Keefe looked at me with a small smile; not his usual smirk, but a soft smile, holding so much more empathy and care than his regular smirks.

Biana led to a few rooms away. She slammed the door and stood against it, tilting her head and sucking her teeth.

"What is with you and Keefe?" She asked, looking at me like she wanted a specific answer.

"I don't know," I said, throwing my hands up and looking down at the beige carpet and my knocking knees.

"Do you not know, or is it that you won't tell?" Biana asked, stepping three steps forward. I took a step back and shrugged my shoulders. I straightened my posture. There was absolutely no way I was allowing my little sister to talk to me as if I was deserving of her temper tantrums.

"I could ask you that," I snapped back. "What is with you and your friend's shady behaviour? You're all crowding around Keefe as he's some trophy. Which of your friends has a crush on him? I don't want them near Keefe."

"Why?" Biana's face matched mine a few minutes ago, red and embarrassed.

"Because Keefe is my friend! It's weird if one of your friends date him." I groaned. It couldn't be that hard to understand.

"Keefe doesn't need you to protect him." She said, her voice dangerously low, taking a step forward. "This is what I mean. What is with you and Keefe?"

I felt weak in my knees as she asked that question. So, I forced myself to think about what the answer was. I didn't understand why I wanted to move closer when Keefe touched my shoulder. I didn't understand why I thought he looked so pretty, and how much prettier he'd look sharing the softest, quietest moments with me. I didn't understand why I always to fill the gap between us.

Now that I listed it out, I think I understood. But I still want to.

"Let's just go back outside." I said, opening the door. Biana stood, red-faced, but she smoothed the crinkles from her dress and walked out the door.

We found Biana's friends and Keefe, not in the dining room, but instead, on the sofa nearby, deep into a conversation lead by Keefe, likely about Keefe too, the girls laughing and chatting absentmindedly, until the two of us entered. Instantaneously, silence cut through, except for Keefe, who kept talking until he read the room. He got up and walked to me.

"Guess what? I was giving my hair routine over because everyone deserves the Hunkyhair Hair." Keefe said, rubbing his neck and looking at me.

Now that I had established what I was feeling, I had to decide what to do with it. Either I could look to dating Keefe or look at someone else or no one at all.

For the longest time, I was telling myself that my previously unnamed feelings were wrong, and that I had to suppress them. Just because I didn't understand them. And now, they didn't feel so wrong. How could something wrong feel so nice?

And in that moment, I decided there was nothing wrong with what I felt, and what I planned to do about that feeling. Two problems I realised: Biana clearly had some problem with me liking Keefe in that way, and that Keefe might not reciprocate what I felt at all.

But as Keefe brushed his fingers on my shoulder, I didn't feel the weight of either problem. I was so ready for any challenge there was, because I could so clearly see the end.