DARK SECRETS | B.E FF

4. CARE

⚠️ SELF HARM, SUICIDAL ACTIONS

Y/N was forced to start spying on Carrie after that. She tried not to make it too obvious that she suddenly wanted to get close to Carrie. Carrie on the other hand didn't seem to mind that much because she very much needed the company.

Carrie and Y/N ended up actually being genuine friends. Y/N couldn't bring herself to tell Carrie the truth about why she had been doing all this and getting close to her. She couldn't tell Carrie now. If she told her now Carrie would get mad at her and think of her as a fake friend. She should have told Carrie sooner. She should have told her about it from the very start.

But the gruesome scenes of her getting forcefully taken my Billie stuck to her brain like super glue and no matter how much she tried she couldn't put that image behind herself.

"Fuck," Y/N muttered under her breath as she drew a long thin, cut across her right arm out of frustration, atleast this would keep her weak enough not to touch the pills.

She felt a boiling fit off rage, her hand clasped the knife tighter in her fist. She was burning with fury. She drew another few cuts on her wrist slightly aggressively. Y/N was crying and her face was contorted in anger. She wanted to scream, she wanted to scream her heart out but she couldn't.

She was trapped in this misery.

She whimpered lowly in pain as she sank lower and lower until she was sitting on the bathrooms's floor. The white tiles were stained with the blood pouring from her wrists. She winced as she touched the wound a little and sighed in pain.

Y/N heard the balcony door slowly opening and she froze. She slowly got up with the knife in hand, ready to use it on anyone who had broken inside. She saw Billie and her heart slowly calmed down. She didn't know why but she felt a surge of anger. She closed the door so Billie couldn't see her.

Unfortunately for her Billie saw the door closed and she walked to the bathroom door, knocking on it.

"Y/N I know you're in there. Come out we need to get back to work and analyse the reports you've gathered so far on Carrie."

Billie was met with silence and even though the older's temper was not the best she managed to stay calm throughout the act. She sighed and knocked softer this time.

"Y/N, please don't make this harder than this already is. Come out. Why are you avoiding me?"

Y/N opened the door slowly, a white towel was soaking with her blood and it was wrapped around her right arm hastily.

"Mhm, let's get to work..."

Y/N mumbled and took a step forward but her body swayed making her grab onto the doorframe for support. She looked down at her feet for a long while trying to gather balance but the blood loss made her head feel all foggy and light.

"Y/N, what the fuck?"

Billie gasped a slight bit and her face reflected horror.

It almost felt as if Y/N's feet were leaving the ground. Was she gonna float away?

Y/N couldn't assess the situation at hand and before she was able to say anything she fell hard on the cold floor. She blacked out.

Billie instantly swept her off the ground. She was panicking but she managed to calm down in a jiffy. She quickly carried Y/N to the bed and laid her down.

"Goodness..."

Billie slowly moved the towel away from Y/N's arm being as gentle possible. She saw the long, deep cuts on Y/N's arm that made her heart drop instantly. She felt a rush of guilt but she knew she couldn't show that.

Y/N would surely see her as weak.

Billie watched Y/N's pained expression even when she didn't have any sense nor grip over what was happening. She could feel her heart soften and she didn't like it. But she enjoyed the butterflies whenever she touched Y/N.

Quickly, Billie patched Y/N up and made sure she was properly bandaged and the cuts were disinfected. She stayed by Y/N's bed, staying close by to make sure she was alright.

Y/N woke up a while later, stirring. She looked around and saw Billie.

"Don't we have work?"

Her voice was tired and low. Billie couldn't help but suppress a smile that was about to rise on her lips seeing Y/N so vulnerable.

"How about you focus on recovering from this trauma you put yourself under?"

Y/N furrowed her eyebrows a little.

"I put my self under? You're the one who forced me to act as a double agent."

"You should really-"

Y/N got up, propping herself up on her elbow to get a better stance but her injuries stung up making her wince in pain. Billie fell silent for a while.

"Y/N, please you're gonna hurt yourself."

"Since when did you care?"

"Y/N, I really really do ca-"

Before Billie could finish, Y/N snapped. The frustration from everything, the anxiety of telling Carrie the truth, the self hate she felt because she was soon gonna betray a good friend of hers- everything came crashing down and so did her hand do the same with Billie's cheek.

Billie stunned into a long moment of silence. She held the slapped cheek. It was flushed red slightly now.

"Y/N..."

"Save it."

Y/N looked furious and Billie couldn't help but feel... So empty. As if her heart just got carved right out of her body. She couldn't believe what happened. She collected herself rather fast when she got back up. Her movements made Y/N recoil a little, she was terrified Billie would hit her back.

But instead Billie pulled out a gun. And pointed it at her own temple.