FEAR GARDEN [ Regretevator ]

AM I STILL YOUNG?

⚠️ Hey hey! This chapter has warnings! These include: disassociation, GORE ⚠️
read at your own risk!

     "Hey." What was her name? Wasn't it Violet? I think I've forgotten. "Hi, Violet." I whispered, uncomfortably shifting in place. I couldn't see anything, but I sure could hear everything. I reached up to check if there was anything covering my eyes; a blindfold, bandana, anything. But an undefined force pulled my arm back down. I knew it was her. Violet. That monster. She let out a low giggle and mumbled quietly near my ear, "Don't get yourself too confident, now. I've come to talk about your technique. I'm not here to yell. Just talk!" I couldn't see, but I felt her sadistic lips curl into a gruesome smile. I knew what she was capable of, so I stood still. "Your technique of hacking and planting is very poor. They droop. You don't want your flowers to droop, do you? To die?" People have died at my hands. "You wouldn't want them to go to waste, do you?" I hesitated before shaking my head no. "No, I do not."

     I woke up, no Pest. No one. Just me, myself, and I. I slugged out of bed and groggily limped toward my kitchen. I opened the cabinet and got what I needed for breakfast. I got myself a bowl of cereal, and sat down to eat it. As I held the spoon in front of my mouth, I stopped. For some reason, everything hit me. My spark was gone. I was not the usual person I used to be; I'm not who my partner knows me as.
Does he even want me anymore? Could he just do something nice and forget that anything ever happened to me?

     Mom, do I exist to you? Do I exist to do anything other than what I'm "supposed" to do? To throw parties, be goofy? Murder? Maybe...I was supposed to be this way. I felt reality and my control slipping from my grasp. They all deserve to suffer; to experience karma for what they've put me through. I hate them all. Get them out of my HEAD. MY LIFE IS GONE. It's gone because of all of them; they who don't deserve to be here.

     I spaced out, then came back to reality. I loosened my grip on my spoon and began to eat my breakfast. My whole body felt tingly. My mind felt empty, same as my body, yet it was nothing but a husk. A shell of what I used to be. There used to be dark circles under my eyes from fun, late nights. Now they're from exhaustion; insomnia; from the months of torture I endured, and now, accepted as my reality. I'm surprised this never happened any sooner. I was bound to snap.

     l've always been sick of myself. The whore I was, I am no more. I finished my cereal, put the dirty, empty, disgusting dishes in the sink. At least they had a purpose. I was getting impatient. I wandered back to my room, and began to write a list.

     After around half an hour of thinking and writing, it was done. The...correct order. One was already crossed off. I wrote them in the order that the visions came to me. I assumed it was weakest to strongest; not a very effective tactic. But I'll go with it anyway. If I die to someone later down the list, who cares? Good riddance, right?

     I'm not the gullible, young version of myself I used to be. I would've never had the pair to pull off something like this.

     I sat down on my couch, completely unable to move. Everything around me felt fake. I felt as if my mentality was melting onto my own sofa, mending and shaping to fit the mold of what I thought had been me; but really was Violet. I remember and look back at her words; "Don't give up on the idea. It wont reward you in the long run, but you'll love the results, won't you?.. Don't deny it when you get the urges." I regret agreeing to it, that monster. And I know there's no way to go back.

     Wow! What a vessel. I sat up and stretched, probably almost dislocating something. Oops! Hehe. I walked over to a kitchen cabinet and yanked it open. There they were! I picked up one of the blades and watched it shine in the light from above. It was still so sharp; did the vessel even ever use them? I had a plan; I'm sure they wouldn't approve. But they let me take over. It's their fault, ain't it?