Heartstrings and Hesitations (Epistolary)

030

Unedited.

Seraphine Janina Madrid

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I'm super busy this past few days. Minsan, nalilito na ako kung ano ang uunahin ko. Masyado akong na-overwhelmed sa pagiging college student na nakakalimutan ko na may limit ang lahat ng bagay.

Way back in elementary to high school years, hindi talaga ako nagpapadalos-dalos sa pagsali sa mga activities. Alam ko kasi na hindi biro kapag committed ka na sa isang bagay. I always weighed things hand in hand before I decide.

College life is not easy. Almost two weeks pa lang simula nang mag-umpisa ang klase pero pakiramdam ko masyado na akong burned out. Activities dito, activities doon. Events dito, events doon. Dagdagan pa na class leader ako sa section namin.

They are also pushing me to run for the next College of Engineering Council election, mapa-seniors o block mates. Pinag-iisipan ko pa ng mabuti, hindi kasi talaga biro ang maging officer, lalo na kung nasa mataas na posisyon ka.

"Sera, ayos lang ba ang choreography na 'to? Tingin ko parang kulang," tanong ni Tate sa'kin, isa sa mga kasama ko sa TikTok Dance Competition.

"Can you demonstrate it?" sabi ko habang sumusulyap sa labas ng school gym.

Tate went in the middle of the gym where our area was. Marami din kasi ang may practice ngayon kaya pinaghatian ang buong gym. She gracefully showed the choreography, it was smooth and so good to watch.

"I like it. Let's ask for the others."

After our practice, I went back to our classroom to get my bag. I want to change my uniform in a more comfortable clothes since I'm sweating because of the practice and the heat from the sun.

Allowed naman ngayong week na hindi complete uniform ang suot pero dapat ang susuotin namin ay university shirts pa rin.

Pumunta na ako sa comfort room. Hindi ko mahanap si Kayleigh, hindi ko alam kung may practice ba sila o ibang kalokohan na naman ang ginagawa niya.

Harper is in a different department. Palagi pa rin naman kaming nagkikita dahil sabay kumakain sa lunch time at sa tuwing uwian.

I went out of the comfort room feeling fresh. I'm now wearing one of our official university shirts, paired with denim jeans ang white shoes.  Habang naglalakad ay sinuot ko ang ID sa leeg.

I will check our booth today. Nagsend naman sila ng photos sa group chat namin, but I want to check it personally.

I was busy finding my phone on my bag, I can hear some loud voices nearing me, mostly from the boys. They are all laughing at something. Patuloy lang ang lakad ko, nakakunot na ang noo dahil hindi makapa ang cellphone.

Hindi ko na namalayan ang sunod na nangyari. Halos tumilapon ako palayo sa puwesto ko nang mapasubsob sa malaki at matigas na pangangatawan. Kung walang may humawak sa'kin ay baka lumagapak na ako sa sahig.

"Careful," said by a familiar voice.

Tumahimik ang hallway. Napaangat ang tingin ko at bahagyang nanlaki ang mga mata. Thorn Andrius Saavedra is in front of me, holding my arms while staring at me. Sa likod niya ay ang mga kaibigan at ka-banda.

Napansin ko ang sikuhan ng mga lalaki sa likod. The girls with them are looking at me like I've done something wrong.

"Are you okay?" Thorn asked.

Napakurap ako. I heard him sighed. Nilingon niya ang mga kaibigan. Nagpalitan sila ng tingin. Later on, hinila ng mga lalaki ang mga babae palayo doon habang may ngisi sa mga labi.

"I-I'm okay..." I looked at him straight in the eye.

He nodded. He's so tall. I'm also taller than girls my age, pero kailangan ko pang tumingala sa kaniya kapag nag-uusap kami.

"You must be very busy. Where are you going?"

Napatingin ako sa school ground kung saan may naka-set up na ang iilang booth kabilang ang amin. "I'll check our booth," sabi ko at nilingon ulit siya.

"Kumain ka na ba?" It's my first time hearing him speak Tagalog, pero napaawang ang labi ko sa tanong niya. I just realized I haven't eaten anything yet. Kahit noong break time.

"A-Ah, hindi pa po." Nag-aalangan pa akong sumagot.

"Wanna join me?" He flashed a small smile. Natigilan ako saglit. "Hey..." He called.

"O-Okay." Mabilis na sagot ko. And what's happening to me? Bakit ako nauutal?

Sabay kaming naglakad. Panay ang lingon niya sa'kin habang pababa kami ng ground floor. Nasa second floor kasi ang comfort room ng building.

Napapatingin sa amin ang ibang students habang naglalakad papunta sa cafeteria. Gusto ko na lang magtago sa likod niya dahil ang sama ng tingin ng iba sa akin.

I distanced myself a few steps away. He must have realized it when he stopped and glanced at me. Bumalik siya sa puwesto ko at tinitigan ako.

"Don't mind them."

I just nodded again. Nang pumasok kami sa cafeteria ay ganoon pa rin. Gusto ko na lang magpalamon sa lupa. What should I expect?

He's famous. Everyone knows him. Every girls had a crush on him. Kung bibigyan lang sila ng pagkakataon ay tila halos sambahin na siya. Hindi lang siya, pati na rin ang mga ka-banda niya.

It feels so wrong to be close to him like this. It's like I'm on a pedestal. I knew, someone here is probably trying to smack me in their minds. And I also knew that some here are also hoping to be with him.

"What do you want to eat?"

I looked at the foods in front of us. They look so appetizing. There's adobo, caldereta, menudo, chicken teriyaki, salmon sushi, fried chicken and chicken curry.

"One serving of rice, adobo and chicken curry." I said to him.

He nodded. "Is that all?"

"Opo." He glanced at me. He sighed after awhile. "You can look for a vacant table. I'll order."

"Okay." Dumaan muna ako sa utensils area bago naghanap ng vacant table, luckily I found one. Konti na lang din kasi ang kumakain since lagpas lunch time na.

He went to our table with a big tray in his hand. I tried to help him but he just shook his head. Nilapag niya ang tray sa table namin. I glanced at the foods.

We have the same order, he iust added salmon sushi on his plate and two bowls of soup for the both of us. May receipt na rin na kasama, and it's all paid.

"Magkano po ang order ko?" I asked. Umupo siya sa tabi ng upuan ko.

"No need. I already paid for us."

Napangiwi ako. "Nakakahiya po."

"Just finish your food. It's more than enough." He said. Inabot niya sa akin ang pares ng kutsara at tinidor.

I stared at him and let out a small smile. "Thank you..." I whispered.