the heartbreak.

chapter six

Song- your losing me, taylor swift.

Madelyn-

Its okay. Im okay. Ill be okay. Right? No. Wrong. Im in a courtroom with the woman who hit my daughter. Her body. Blood. I swallow. "Press charges." I say. My lawyer looks at me with wide eyes. Fuck all of this. The woman looks over at me. It wasnt her fault. A voice says running through my mind. Shes a monster. Another says. Fuck. This. "Are you sure?" My lawyer says. The woman looks scared, fragile. So was autumn. "I said press fucking charges!" I raise my voice. I never yell. Never. My lawyer nods. "Okay." She whispers. The judge nods and hits the gavel. "Okay. Meeting adjourned." Everyone stands up and begins to walk out. Freya, i think her name was. The woman who hit your child. Your only child. She looks at me with hatred. Fury. Fuck her. Fuck everyone and everything. My mind goes blank, my ears feel like their bleeding. I. Cant. Do. It.

"Im done." I tell Jules. She was my top employee. And my best friend. "What?" She squeaks. "I cant do it right now. Work. Im stepping down. Ill make the company worse. Loose sales. My mind isnt in the right place." She looks shocked. Im shocked. I never would have thought that I would step down. I love work. I do. But, I'm not ready to work. So, promoting Jules and stepping down seems like the logical thing to do. "Are you sure?" I snort. "Yeah. I'm just stepping down for a little bit. To collect myself." She nods. "I'm sorry Maddie." She hugs me. Her warm embrace impacting me. I hug her back. "It's just gonna be hard without her." I mumble. She nods. "Hey! Maybe you could get a dog?" Huh. Maybe. Their supposed to keep you company right? "Yeah. Maybe I will." I still have enough money to retire and be taken care of for the rest of my life. "Are you sure you want me as a ceo?" I nod. "You are the best employee here. I wouldn't want anyone else." Her face brightens. "I love it here. I love it all. And, I'm so excited to start working on a larger project! But, please let me know if you want to step up again okay?" I nod. "Thanks Jules."

A week later-

I pop open a container of ice cream. Double chocolate brownie. Yummy. I turn the tv on when someone pounds on my door. Oh what the fuck. I jump to my feet. It's not him. It's not him. Shit! Where's my gun? Shit shit shit! Tears grow in my eyes. Hide, hide Maddie! I quickly crawl under my side table and crumble up into a ball. Everything is gonna be okay. I send a quick pray to God. Everything is okay. I tell myself. The pounding stops but, I hear a key in the door. Shit! "Madelyn!" A man yells. He sounds familiar. I have my hand on my mouth and eyes. Tears streak my cheeks. Everything goes blank. He found me. Ryan found me. I feel hands by my side. Gentle. Not Ryan. I open my eyes and Russ's face meets mine. Russ. Not ryan. He's speaking. Talking. I hug him. Why? I don't know. Deep breathes in. His hands find my hair. "Your okay." He whispers. My eyes burn. My limbs feel numb. I'm not okay. I can't live my life scared. That's...depressing. I pull away from the hug. Warmth leaving my body. "Why the fuck did you quit your job?"

Russ-

Why the fuck would she quit? It's her job! She makes millions of dollars! Lots of peoples dreams. And she just throws it away? Fuck no. I don't care if we hate each other. I'm not letting her throw her future away. "I didn't quit." She says quickly wiping her tears away. That's another thing. Why the fuck did she get scared when I knocked on her door? Banged. Whatever. We'll talk about that later. "Yes you did. Christian told me." She rolls her eyes. "Well Christian is wrong. I just stepped down." I look down at her. Her green eyes are puffy and she has swollen lips. "Why?" She bites her lip. "Why do you care?" She asks me harshly not breaking eye contact. "I dont. I just want to know." Her eyes well up with tears. Shit. You made her cry. Again. "Because my daughter died!" She yells. "Get out! Get out of my house! Now!" She chokes on her cries. "It's just a damn job! It's not my life! I just want to lie down and eat Icecream!" She bawls. "Darling..." She bites her lip. "I just want her back." She whispers. I nod. "I know." She breaks down into my chest. Oh god. I rub her forehead in circles with my thumb. Why am I being so affectionate? I don't like her. I don't like being around her. I think. "Why are you being nice?" She studders. "I'm not." I mumble. She laughs. "Yes you are." She looks up at me. Her eyes glossy with tears. "I'm sorry. You can go." I sit up straight. "No. I'm not going till you tell me why you quit your fucking job." She wipes her tears away. "Back to annoying ass russ." She grumbles. "I quit because im tired. I'm so fucking tired and I just want to sleep." Her bottom lip quivers. "Okay well, your not quitting." She rolls her eyes. "Yes i am. Your not my mother. Plus, you hate me. You hated me at your job, you hate me now." I pinch the bridge of my nose. Fuckk. "I dont hate you." I mumble. She raises her eyebrows. "Yeah you do." I silently curse. "Your gonna go back to work. That's what autumn would have wanted." She looks stunned. "I dont want to." I grip her chin forcing her to look at me. A spark shoots through my arm. Ignore, ignore... "Too fucking bad." I mumble. Her eyes are filled with tears. Shes not crying though, thats my girl. "Im not going back. You cant tell me what to do." I raise my eyebrows. "Okay. Well we'll work on getting back to your job." Her eyes squint. "No. Why do you want to do this?" I smile lightly. I dont even fucking know. "Because i know damn well autumn would want a happy mom. Not a sad one." She frowns. "What?" I ask. "Your right..." A smile forms on my face. "I know darling." She rolls her eyes and flashes me a small smile before backing away from me. "I dont want to work full time russ. I just dont." I nod. We can work with that. "Okay. Thats fine."