Scar (Finished)

April 17th

Dear diary today is April 17th
Today will be day 43 of looking into the mirror and hoping to see the ugly deformity become my skin again silky radiant and even. Day 43 of me hoping and praying and god once again letting me down. I suppose he doesn't like me with silky radiant even skin he chose for me to become different to make my shit life even harder to manage. The pain is gone the blood is gone but the flash backs are still there every step I take. I almost feel afraid to leave the house I look to my left I look to my right on repeat until I reach my destination. Life has to go on I'll get over it I keep telling myself but so far I am not believing that statement. Today I had school for half the day then I had a study hall which allowed me to go home early and work on that chem project I am
so behind on. While walking home I seen the tulips blossom and the birds communicating to each other trying to figure out what the big overly processed white food laying on the lawn was and if they should consume it. People riding their bikes jamming out to music blasting through their earbuds not having a care in the world. God I wish I could be like these people instead I have my phone in my pocket so I have no distractions, no music on so I can hear my surroundings, no sunglasses so my world around me is not altered. My walk feels like it's dragging but at the time I only had out in about 20 minutes worth of walking and I was about to be home. I reached my porch relieved that today was not my last. I sat down at the kitchen table so I had extra room to work on my project that was boring me so much so my eyes started to close and my head started to bop. It's dark it's lonely it's scary but I keep walking telling myself it's ok nothing is going to happen and I'm almost home. So excited to get home to eat my greasy food I take the shortcut instead of going on Madison I took the alley behind belly up bbq stand which will make my house about 10 minutes closer. I am texting my boyfriend watching the three dots on the screen dance back and forth wam! The graffiti on the parked truck was gibberish to me, my head was pounding and my outfit was ruined by the dirty road. After some time went by I realized I had been attacked and my face was badly bleeding. Panicked to stop the stream of blood flowing down my face I took my shoe off and used my sock to soak up the blood. I wanted to scream for help but nothing would come out except for tears in my eyes those were coming out with no problem. I reached for my phone that was laying in a puddle to see if it worked to my surprise it turned on and I send the miss call from Brian. I received a scar near my butt which changed me. I struggled with looking at myself the way I did before the scar. When I would take my clothes off for my boyfriend he would always look at it and I felt so ugly. My face would get super red and I would run into the bathroom holding my clothes. I couldn't wait to put them back on. I would sit in the bathroom and cry till he left the bed . I knew he was getting annoyed with me always getting his hopes up. He eventually broke up with me once he realized he wasn't getting me in bed anytime soon. He had a crush on the skinny flawless cheerleader not the pretty insercure girl. When I would get dressed in the locker room for cheerleading all the girls would stare and laugh.They all slut shamed me just like the whole school did. I'm sure you are wondering how Miss Perfect got this scar that "ruined her perfect life". I got the scar at a Fourth Of July Party. Last year I got invited to Rider's party. Rider is one of the most popular guys in school. He has an amazing wardrobe and a fancy car that not even my parents could afford and his house could fit two normal size ones inside it. Of course I had to go to the party. I brought one of my besties to the store and we tried on sexy outfits to wear. I wanted nothing more to be in bed with Rider. So I had to be over the top. We finally found outfits that were perfect. We spent time on our hair and makeup. Once we were all dolled up we headed to the party. When we got there there were cars on both sides of the road stretching to the house all the way at the end of the street. This party was going to be crazy we said as we were walking up the driveway. During the party I drank a little more than I could handle. I found my way over to Rider and I sat on his lap. He did not mind one bit. He grabbed my hips and started kissing my neck. He told me I looked sexy and that he couldn't wait to see me out of the dress. I popped up off the couch and grabbed his hand pulling upstairs. He pointed to the door that was his and he pushed me onto the bed. I started not feeling good and gentle pushed him off me but he didn't like that. He kept trying to kiss me and slip his hand up my dress. I started to panic as he was getting more aggressive. I grabbed the glass photo frame on his night stand and hit him over the head making it shatter. One of the pieces sliced my leg as I was getting off the bed. The next day it was all over Facebook and snapchat and Instagram. He told people I led him on and then didn't do anything with him. He said I was a big tease and a slut. The whole school teamed up agaisnt me or at least that's how it felt . That was a night I never want to remember but I never want to be ashamed of my scar. I got that defending myself from a rich pretty boy who doesn't get told no.