back to camper's pov woaAAH
After an awkward walk, me and the counselor finally arrive at the cabins
"Knock yourself out kid" he says with that deep seductive raspy voice 😫.
I blink and he's already leaving and heading towards the counselor cabins
He sure left fast.
...
"eeEEEEEEEEEEE" I do a little twirl like the embodiment of elegance that I am
He was definitely super awkward because he doesn't know how to act around such a stunning specimen like myself.
I sigh to myself, sometimes it's hard being the baddest bitch known to mankind.
Anyway, I gotta choose a cabin now ig
I look past the siren-core fishbone cabin to a poorly painted pink cabin with no apparent door. The pink cabin is cute, but not quite IT.
Finally, my eyes land on THE cabin, the hot girl cabin, the forest fairy life cabin.
Rotting wood with live centipedes, eyeballs staring at me while embedded in the walls, caution tape wrapped around the chimney like a cute little bow, random BTS posters that cover gaping holes.
Just when I thought it couldn't get any better, a fully intact 1879 waterfall closet decorated high tank toiled bowl flies out of the window and shatters sending shards everywhere. one of them flies at my face and scratches just below my eye.
Now I'll have a tough bad girl scar, none of those lowly Stanley-cup-fucking Sephora girls will DARE to cross me now. (A/N: SEPHORA GIRLS I DON'T MEAN IT PLEASE DON'T KNOCK ME OUT WITH YOUR STANLEY)
I quickly prance up to the front door of the cabin. I tuck a strand of hair behind my ear
"boy oh boy... I hope these new people are nice to little old me"
The strand of hair falls out of my scalp, so I place it in my pocket and finally open the door.
"OH MY MARS THE MIGHTY DESTROYER, BITCH GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAY"
This mf's voice so high that Mariah Carey crawled back into her iceberg out of pure concentrated horror.
I look for the source of the voice and see a girl sitting in the corner of the cabin surrounded by a series of tarot cards and an astrology book.
She's also actively snorting crystals.
no no, not crystal meth, CRYSTALS.
I can see some of this girls most recent victims scattered around her corner; an amethyst has a large bite out of it, an opal is perfectly cut down the middle, and a piece of fire agate is actively sitting in the huge industrial hydraulic press that this bitch somehow setup.
The girl turns to another girl in the cabin who is staring at miss crystal over here with dead eyes.
"STFU WITH THIS STAR SIGN SHIT"
the crystal-crackhead wipes some of the powdered amethyst from her face
"WELL MAYBE IF YoOUUU PAID ATTENTION TO YOUR DAILY HOROSCOPE AND TAROT CARD READING, YOU'D KNOW THAT TODAY'S ALIGNMENT OF STARS SAYS YOU SHOULD FUCK OFF."
The other girl deadpans again.
"You dumbass mother fucker, literally EVERYONE knows STARS ARENT FUCKING REAL. THEY'RE STATIONARY LIGHT BULBS THAT THE SECRET SOCIETY HIDING UNDERGROUND IN 24 BCE SENT UP INTO SPACE TO TRY AND SCARE PEOPLE SO THEY COULD TAKE OVER THE WORLD."
I stared wide eyed.
Finally both girls noticed my presence and turned in unison to stare at me
"dear lord..."
I take a deep breath.
"You guys are so quIRKy!!! >w< I've been looking for some friends who matched my lifestyle better!! anyways my name is-"
"SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP" screams crystal crack girl. "QUICK TELL ME ARE YOU AN AIR SIGN???"
well, I am breezy and elegant, and I make birds sing and trees sway at my presence, so "YESSS >X3"
The amethyst snorter suddenly starts sobbing and grabs her industrial hydraulic press. She hurls it through the back wall of the cabin making a hole big enough for her to run out of.
She disappears into the forest.
me and the other girl stand there in silence.
"Wow, that was so dramatic! I need her to teach me how to make my exits so glorious" I gush with just the right amount of enthusiasm
The other girl stares at me with a shocked expression. She's obviously is just stunned to find someone like me out here in the woods
"Yeah anyway, my name is Edwina, don't bother to tell me your name. I don't want to get to know somebody who's so obviously an ai powered human puppet. I can practically see the microchips in your skull programming a response right this moment" says the girl, hiding her adoration poorly.
With that, she rips up a floor board and crawls under it, putting the floor board back behind her.
"How silly! goofy goober vibes!!"
Anyways, it's already dark and my phone says it's 546:0993am on the 72nd of Janoctonovarchprilgustruary, so it's pretty late!
I search around the cabin for a quick minute
I find some extra BTS posters in the back room along with the trash bags, shovels, formaldehyde, half eaten bottles of bleach, and a flamethrower.
I change into my super aesthetic hello kitty pajamas while I'm at it
After fixing the wall like the handy dandy girl I am, I crawl into one of the many beds all around the room.
I lift the sheet to find a large hairy spider already occupying MY bed space
"excuse me! could you move over please, I need some space to sleep"
"oh yeah my bad bruv" replies the spider before scooching over onto the pillow beside my head
"mkay night"
The next morning, I wake up with tiny bits of hair all over my tongue and a singular spider leg beside me. I'm not too hungry either, wonder what happened last night.
________________________________
A/N:
I don't actually have anything against people who like crystals and tarot and shit I promise!!! I also don't have anything against Sephora girls pleasedonthitmewithyourstanleycupihaveafamily.
😘
YOU ARE READING
Camp Crack House
HumorA little bitch gets dropped off at a wack ass camp. that's it. that's the plot. Warnings: Cursing, drugs, satanic shit (I also don't know how to write so I'm sorry)
