Me before you

chapter 35

The rest of the days sandwiched between Chaeyoung's wedding and Y/n's operation felt like the days between Christmas and New Years – they all blurred together, similar, forgettable, bleeding through the lines on the calendar.

Sana still wasn't sure how any of it was possible.

A year ago she was sitting in a penthouse in Boston, stressing over late files and if Louis had made any friends at school and barely caring when Wonwoo didn't come home. Three months ago she was sitting on the kitchen floor with Louis, certain she wouldn't have anything to do with Y/n ever again.

And now here she was, standing in her bedroom, putting together an overnight bag for the hospital. Y/n kept insisting she didn't need to stay with her – both her parents would probably end up sleeping in the cramped hospital ward, and it was only one night anyway. But not staying was no longer an option. It never had been.

Sana frowned, carefully stowing the airplane pillow into the bag. It couldn't hurt – she was pretty sure she needed a chiropractor after last time she fell asleep in one of those godawful hospital chairs. The surgery wasn't for a couple of days yet, but she wanted to be prepared. The last thing she needed on the actual day was to be stressing about whether or not she had a toothbrush.

She'd already arranged for Chaeyoung to come and watch Louis that night too – she said it was okay since Nayeon was out of town that weekend anyway. Sana would be back early the next morning too, providing the surgery went smoothly.

It never entered anyone's minds to question why Sana was such a big part of the process – she just was.

That afternoon, after she picked Louis up from school, she got to work fixing him a snack and making herself a coffee while he sat at the kitchen table, legs swinging while he puzzled over his homework. He was going on about some plan he and his friends had to go searching for pirate treasure on the beach now the sun was out longer.

"Cause Nick said that Jessica said there's definitely treasure buried near the canneries because that was where the pirates used to dock." Louis was saying. The robot eraser on the end of his pencil bobbed as he wrote. "Is that true?"

"Maybe you'll have to investigate and see," Sana replied diplomatically, opening the cupboard for a coffee cup. "It sounds very exciting to me."

"No it doesn't," Louis said, pencil pausing as he frowned at the worksheet. "You hate pirates. What's the square root of sixty four?"

"Eight," Sana said, pouring the coffee. "But next time you need to work it out yourself."

"Okay," Louis agreed, head down again. Sana added a splash of milk to her mug and put the carton back in the fridge. "Anyway, Nick wants to go looking on Saturday. And then I said that maybe if you're okay with it and Aunty Chaeyoung doesn't mind picking me up I could go and I'd let him know," Louis explained, not looking up from his homework. "Is that okay?"

Suddenly, Sana was hit with a wave of guilt and anxiety. Damn it. She thought the worst of this feeling was over. It was just the sound of his voice – so happy and casual, like asking Chaeyoung was just the normal thing to do, when the truth was it should be Sana picking him up and doing these things for him. She sighed, setting down her teaspoon.

"Yes – yes, that's fine." Sana managed to speak before the voice in her head started up again. She turned around and stared at him, catching his gaze with a sharp intake of breath and a furrow between her brows. "Look, Louis, can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Okay," Louis shrugged his skinny shoulders, watching as Sana came and pulled up a chair opposite him at the kitchen table. "What's up?"

"Louis..." Sana trailed off. She set her coffee down in front of her, hands wrapped loosely around the warmth of the cup. "You know that Y/n's about to have a big operation, and after that she'll have another one, and I have to be there for her."