Idol | sunsun

8

The restaurant where he agreed to meet Jay is just ten minutes away from the Bighit building. They always went for lunch or dinner around the area, given that Jay barely left his studio, but this one was more on the expensive side, so they'd only been there once. New Years— Sunoo still remembers the snow crushing against his boots. Leaving the restaurant with warm tears streaming down his face.

Seeing that nothing has changed inside makes him feel sick. He drops Jay's name at the entrance and a waiter takes him to their table. Sunoo is almost tempted to close his eyes on the way there so he doesn't have to see the dark wooden floors, the red booths and the fish tank like the ones Sunghoon used to love so much.

The waiter rounds the corner and points at a booth, letting Sunoo know that they've arrived. There, he finds Jay slumped against his seat, dressed in his familiar black from head to toe, his phone in his hands. Sunoo swallows the lump in his throat and thanks the waiter, who gives him one last polite smile before leaving. Then, Sunoo stares at the table and takes a deep breath.

"Hyung."

Jay lifts his head, immediately arching his eyebrows. He straightens his back and points with his chin at the seat in front of him. Sunoo drags his feet towards it with his heart beating against his ears.

"Hey. I've already ordered for us, if that's okay," Jay says. The hair peeking from his beanie is platinum blonde. It was brown at Jungwon's party.

"Oh, okay," Sunoo says, cringing mentally. He desperately tries to search for something else to say, a filler, because silence with Jay is a curse. He's completely comfortable soaking in it, but it leaves the rest of the world suffocating. "I— how have you been?"

"Busy," he shrugs, avoiding his gaze, but Sunoo doesn't take it to heart. Jay never looks anyone in the eye unless it's absolutely necessary. "Working on music, dealing with Heeseung hyung; the usual."

"Ah, of course," Sunoo chuckles, pulling at the edge of his sleeve. "Sunghoon hyung mentioned you were producing some of his new songs."

"Sunghoon told you about that?" Jay asks, suddenly furrowing his brows.

Sunoo's fingers freeze around the cotton. "Uh, yes? Was I not supposed to know?"

Jay shakes his head, his body relaxing slightly against the chair again. "No, it's not that. I'm just surprised Sunghoon shared anything about it with you. He barely talks to me and I'm his producer."

"We were just complaining about work," Sunoo explains, feeling the need to defend himself. His cheeks are burning up. Somehow, knowing that Sunghoon revealed something that was meant to be a secret so easily to Sunoo makes butterflies revolt inside his stomach. Sunghoon trusted him enough. "And it came up. He didn't go into detail."

"I'd be worried if he did," mutters Jay. Sunoo doesn't think he was supposed to hear it. "What about you?"

Sunoo releases a breath. What about him? Can he sit in front of Jay and admit that his life has gone downhill, just like he warned Sunoo it would?

"I've been doing better, lately," he says, "With things stabilizing at work and all, it hasn't been bad."

"I honestly don't know how you didn't get fired," Jay comments casually, grabbing his glass and taking a sip of water.

Sunoo pushes his tongue against the inside of his cheek. "I don't know either."

Jay lifts his eyes from the glass and, for the longest moment, he observes Sunoo. Is he trying to check how many things have changed since the last time they were here? Sunoo isn't brave enough to do it. He knows that Jay barely ages, but finding any hint that time has passed without him would kill him.