𝓗𝓪𝓻𝓿𝓮𝓼𝓽 𝓜𝓸𝓸𝓷 (Joel Miller x Fem OC)

𝒞𝒽𝒶𝓅𝓉𝑒𝓇 𝒱

▷ Donna Donna - Joan Baez 

I was roughly four years old when the infection began spreading across the world. I had no idea anything was happening and my parents did what they could to protect me and my brother from what was really going on. They somehow stayed calm for us during the calamity of the constant jumping between locations, but were honest whenever we were curious. They were loving and caring, but they sheltered us to a point that hindered our ability to fight for ourselves. Even they were ignorant in how to properly kill an infected. In turn we were defenceless the night we were attacked. If mom and dad had showed us how to even properly brandish a knife, they probably would still be alive. 

It was the first time I had come face to face with an infected, let alone a group of them. My brother died instantly in the attack - he was younger than me and therefore had even less of a grasp on survival skills. My parents fought the only way they knew how but the infected were instead finished off by some others in the camp once they took notice. I hid in a dark corner the entire time, holding my breath and squeezing my eyes shut and hoping that when they would open it all would have simply been my imagination. It wasn't, though, and it didn't take long for me to notice the worsening changes in my parents, who both managed to hide bites they had received from the attack. Once the aggression began, it was too much for me to bare witness, and so I fled.

I've tried for years to block any and all memories of them but to no avail. The guilt of being too scared and too ignorant to save my brother haunts me. I felt selfish for keeping myself alive afterwards, I felt as if I didn't deserve to live. I felt selfish when Bill and Frank took me in because I felt I didn't deserve love like that again. I've been told countless times that I was too young to understand the situation and in no way was it my fault that it all happened, but as hard as I've tried to believe those words, it's always felt like their blood was on my hands.

"Good girl, I know it hurts but you gotta stay still..."

The feeling of cold alcohol rubbing against the gash on my skull was not my favourite feeling in the world. I jolted at the initial touch, wincing at the burning sting it caused which I could tell made Joel feel bad. He gently rubbed his thumb against the hair he was pushing away from the bloodied spot while the other shakily placed the dampened cloth back on. My head was still spinning and my body felt weak but I know it could have been worse. I had initially awoken laying face down in my sleeping bag, Joel crouched next to me. My coat was off and my hair had been sectioned to expose the damage - "Any bites?" was my first question, followed by a soft "no." and a weak smile from Joel. 

"There..." He said, removing the cloth and taping a piece of gauze in place, "hopefully shouldn't get infected." A poor word choice caused Joel to hesitate for a moment and then clear his throat. "How're you feelin'?"

I've completely zoned out with the surrounding forest being nothing but a blur. In a daze I just nod and slowly lay myself on my side, back onto my sleeping bag. I can feel Joel standing above me, staring at me concerned, but I have no energy and barely any sense of reality to acknowledge him. I close my eyes and listen to the sound of his heavy boots grow more distant.

-

I felt groggy the next morning, but not as bad. I slowly peeled off the gauze, tears forming in my squinted eyes as the tape decides to take some of my hair with it. I stare at the bandage and the amount of dried blood that's covering the once-white cotton, I didn't know how bad the damage actually was but this was more than enough information. Joel was tossing his belongings into the back of the truck when he took notice that I was awake, prompting him to walk over and help me pack up my things.

"Know you still need rest but you can do that in the truck. 'Cording to the map we're just a few hours out from Jackson, would be best to try and get there before dawn." The gentleness in his voice had vanished and had reverted back to his deep, serious tone that he usually spoke in.