♡ M I L A ♡
Red.
Goodbyes have never been hard for me.
But writing this is making my heart fucking ache.
I don't think I'm ready to say goodbye to you, I don't think I'm ready to let you go. Not yet. Honestly, I don't want to. I would give anything for just one more day, just one more second.
Of all the things I ever wanted to tell you, this was never supposed to be one of them.
You are the one person who has ever made me feel whole, and the idea of saying goodbye to you is like ripping a part of my soul away.
But I know I have to do this.
Because... even the most beautiful things have endings. And you, Mila Young, are the most beautiful thing that has ever happened to me. Your laugh, your touch, your gentle soul, the way your eyes light up when you talk about your dreams, the way you hum softly when you're lost in thought, the way you roll your eyes when you're annoyed, the way your nose wrinkles up when you're frustrated, the way you hold my hand when we're watching the sunset, the way you pull me in to dance in the rain with you - they have all brought me more joy than I could ever express.
Sometimes, leaving can be an act of love. Sometimes, you need to walk away from something soft and hauntingly real before you ruin it forever, and parting ways with you is undoubtedly the most excruciating thing I've ever had to do. The thought of losing you is a burden that I must bear.
What we share doesn't mean it has to be forgotten. And moments are memories, no matter how sweet, tangled, complicated, or messy they may have been.
I don't expect you to understand my decision, and I don't expect you to forgive me. My leaving is simply a part of life that I cannot avoid. It is not a reflection of my feelings for you but rather a decision that I had to make. It wasn't easy, but it was necessary. You deserve happiness, you deserve better, so much better, better than me...
I blink away the tears that threaten to spill when a sudden knock on the door startles me. I almost fall off my bed, and a moment of awkward flailing later, I manage to regain my balance and sit up, frantically swiping at my eyes to hide the tattered evidence of my emotional meltdown by shoving it under my pillow.
And just like that, a brunette peeks her head in, flashing me a curious, bright grin. "Hey, you awake?" she asks, sounding slightly concerned. I try my best to respond in a cool, collected voice, but instead, my vocal cords betray me, and I let out a high-pitched squeak. "Oh, hiii!!!" Smooth move, me. I quickly realize my blunder and force a grin, pretending like nothing happened, even though my heart is pounding in my chest. I watch her enter the room, her eyes narrow playfully as she scans the room.
"Wait a minute," she speaks animatedly, "were you doing something you shouldn't have been?"
I furrow my brows, shooting her a puzzled look. "What on earth do you mean?" I ask, trying to make sense of her statement. The sly head tilt she gives me, accompanied by a cheeky wiggle of her brows and followed by a wink, directed my way – it doesn't take long for my brain to catch on, and I let out an exasperated groan in response. "Ugh! Get your mind out of the gutters, Jen," I admonish her, rolling my eyes in disbelief.
"Oh, my god!" she exclaims with a short laugh. Then she adds teasingly with a mischievous grin and a twinkle in her eyes, "It's absolutely okay and normal to do it, you know. It's not illegal, and you can do it in the privacy of your room." I feel my cheeks flush as I try to brush off the embarrassment. "I... I wasn't doing... anything," I stammer, but the truth is that I was lying in bed early in the morning, reading an old, heartbreaking letter. It's by the same person I had just encountered after five long years, and I couldn't help but read it again and again, feeling the emotions of the past come flooding back to me.
