Orange Clouds | Kagehina

Realization comes at a cost

Hinata searches for answers deep inside himself and out in the world. Why did this happen?After his breakdown at school, Hinata realizes something about his pain and where his options for the future might lead him.

Hinata recalled that day so clearly. The first toss, the spiking, and the smile on his face that would not vanish.

Hinata remembered those hot summer nights. The aching in his muscles, but the delight of knowing he will play volleyball the next day.

Flashback

  "Hinata?"
His name was called on one of those hot summer nights. The stars had embraced and lit the sky as Hinata strolled by his bicycle in leisure. The pacing was unhurried next to Kageyama as they had been striding in silence after practice was finished.

"Mh?" Hinata mumbled in confirmation. His gaze was set on one of his favored stars that would continuously arise on that specific spot each night after practice. Occasionally, he would even forget he was supposed to be heading home.

"What would you do if someday you couldn't play volleyball?" The question caught Hinata off guard, mainly because this was Kageyama speaking. He would essentially never initiate deep conversations which Hinata truly enjoyed carrying. However, rather than be startled by the sudden question, Hinata answered Kegayama honestly.

"...Without volleyball, I'd lose my reason to be alive, I think." Hinata let out a mild hum, mixed emotions about his own response. Inside his heart, he was simply being honest and raw about his life yearning to play volleyball, but on the other hand...these words were probably too solemn. Hinata had never thought about a world without volleyball.

What else would he be doing?   

Kageyama remained silent next to him and it compelled Hinata to feel panicked for some reason. Did Kageyama perhaps think that was too strange to say? Hinata didn't mean to disturb him. It was just—a world without being able to fly was not a place he'd want to exist in.

Then, out of nowhere, in the uneasy stillness, Hinata felt a hand ruffle his orange hair. His body perked up, locking eyes with Kageyama who just sent him a frail smile. One Hinata was not used to seeing. "Dumbass..." That was all Kageyama managed to utter, making Hinata stunned almost. What did that mean? Of course, Kageyama called Hinata a dumbass each and every day, but not like that.

"Yamaaaa!" Hinata complained, dancing out of Kageyama's hand. "Why would you even ask such a question?" He was genuinely curious. From the months Hinata had known him, he was pretty closed off to talking about personal feelings or even things that bothered him. If Kageyama felt out of place, he would never be the one to ask for advice or consolation. Hinata invariably had to make sure, but he couldn't deny feeling hurt when he was being pushed away.

"I have been thinking..." Kageyama let out his thoughts, however before he got to resume, Hinata was reacting.

He did not want to acknowledge what he was hearing. "W-What? Are you thinking of quitting?" The blood had coursed away from Hinata's face at the mere thought of Kageyama leaving the court, tossing to him for the last time. Hinata's hands quavered as he halted, settling his body in front of Kageyama's without reluctance. "Kageyama, what's going on?! You're not ser-"

"Oi, dumbass stop freaking out!" With a flushed face, Kageyama buried his whole palm over Hinata's face, pushing him away instantly. "I'm not going to stop playing. That was not what I was implying you idiot." Kageyama grumbled lowly, gazing away from Hinata who sneered.

"Good! I still have to beat you so don't ask these stupid questions Bakayama!" Hinata pointed at himself, "A world without volleyball for us is no fun, we are also dumb so we probably can't survive a normal job either!" Hinata shouted, full of vibrancy. He did not desire to think about what Kageyama mentioned, he couldn't let his mind falter.