What the *** is a kilometer?

~19~

POV Lizzy:

I haven't been feeling well for a few days. I can't concentrate on my work and I've been talking to a psychologist for a few weeks without anyone knowing. I have a feeling of intense emptiness, nothing seems to help and I have fallen back into an old habit and unfortunately started drinking again. So far I've been able to hide it from Logan, but I don't think I'm being completely honest. I have also been taking a lot of personality tests online at the suggestion of my psychologist to see what comes out.

After my relationship with Dominic, I have noticed that my mood swings that I have always had are coming back more and more. One moment I can be very happy and the next moment I can be very angry if something does not go my way. The online tests often show that this could be related to Borderline Disorder. I looked into it a bit more and found that I can identify with it very well, which also explains where my fear of abandonment comes from. 

What doesn't help is that Richard is always walking through the corridors wherever I am, he has made it a habit over the past few weeks that whenever he sees me going to the cafeteria he immediately drops what he's doing to come and talk to me, often about how I'm doing and why things finally stopped working out for me and Dominic.

I am startled when I suddenly hear the front door of my house open and, getting up, I drop my glass of wine from my desk. "Fuck." I mutter as I use the sleeve of my sweater to try and dry the little bit of wine on the desk. "Lizzy, are you home? The door wasn't locked." Sighing with relief when I hear Logan's voice, I pick up my empty glass and walk in his direction. "Thank God it's you." I say to him when I see him standing in the kitchen. I put my empty glass down on the counter and hug him. "Is something wrong?" I hesitate for a moment if I want to be honest with him and decide it's best to confide in him, even though I seem to have a hard time doing that lately. I tell him about Richard and some of what my psychologist has told me, and Logan remains silent, listening intently. 

POV Logan:

After the team meeting this afternoon I decide to check on Lizzy, she hasn't been in the office for a few days and I haven't heard much from her in between, the last she told me was that she was working more from home and preferred not to work at headquarters. We gave her a free hand to design some shirts for the crew for the upcoming races, so she must have been busy with that lately.

Just before I get into my car I notice an envelope on the back window under the windshield wiper, with a raised eyebrow I take the envelope out and take a good look at it, there is nothing written on it and there is no stamp on it, so whoever put it there must have known what they were doing. I hesitate to open the envelope, I shake it first, but there's nothing there, what did I expect? I get into my car, put the keys in the ignition and throw the envelope on the passenger seat.

Arriving at Lizzy's, I go to her apartment, her door is unlocked, so she must be home. I call her and hear a rumbling coming from her home office, I go into the kitchen and get a glass of water, Lizzy comes in and she staggers a little as she puts the empty glass of wine on the counter, I know enough, I don't say anything because there must be a reason why she is drinking during the day again like she used to when she was with Dominic. She hugs me and I can see that she wants to tell me something, it takes a while.

After listening to her story, I suddenly understand why she has been so distant these past few days. "Lizzy, I promised you that I would show you how to do things differently and I still mean it, but if you keep pushing me away, how am I supposed to gain your trust?" She shrugs and I can tell she's struggling. "Come here, let me hug you." I hold her and feel her pull away. "Thank you. Sorry if I'm so difficult." I shrug in return. "Don't worry, I like a challenge." I say with a smile. Lizzy and I order pizza that night and have a good time until I suddenly remember that when I got out of the car I put the envelope that was on the passenger seat in my back pocket, I take it out of my pocket and put it on the table. It is the first thing Lizzy notices when she returns from the kitchen. "What's that?" She says, pointing to the table. "I have no idea, it was under my windshield wiper this afternoon and I still had no time to open it." "How can you be so sure it's for you? There's nothing on it." "Only one way to find out." Lizzy sits back down on the couch next to me and I take the envelope and open it. We both look startled at the paper and the strange text on it. 

"He put on his hand on her cold face, the tears dropping by his eyes, the scene was scary. The woman's heart, doens't beats anymore, she was dead. All the love that they improve to each other, was fail, he was devasted, sad... They should be togheter until the world finish, to the eternity! So.. Why? Why she died? The worst.. In his hands. He couldn't look anymore to her face, he let the body on the ground, looked to the sky, it started raining.. When somebody dies, always starts to rain."

We stare at the paper, which describes a scenario as if it were part of a movie, I feel a cold shiver run through my body, and without thinking for a second, I get up with the paper in my hands and burn it on the gas stove.

POV James:

With Richard's help I got rid of all the weird emails that were constantly landing in my inbox, it has been quiet for about 3 weeks now, no more weird emails about Logan. There is now a program on my computer that I have to press every day before I do anything else, this is supposed to make sure that all the things I do remain private, some kind of extra security I was told, because of this I would no longer be bothered by spam emails or other things.

I'm preparing for our next race and looking at what we can do to help Logan get a little more confidence on track, the mistakes he's making are rookie mistakes. I expected that by the end of the season he would have taken steps to show that we weren't wrong about him, but unfortunately he doesn't seem to be making any progress. I also think it would be a shame to kick him out after one season, as I said we are not part of a Red Bull culture. I want to give him a contract extension, but then I have to be sure that he can show that he really understands it.I don't have much to do with his personal life, but it's playing a big role at the moment, he's not concentrating on what he's doing and I've heard from his trainer that he's missed a lot of training or been late.

I put all the information I learned about Logan that day into his file. Then I open Alex's file to see how he is doing. Again I see that he has missed some training, but his results on the track are improving. Late in the afternoon, I have another conversation with Alex where I offer him a one-year contract and if he is still doing well after this season, I might dare to offer him a multi-year contract. I save all the data from the day, and just to be sure, I press the program that Richard put on my computer again, which now shows that it is processing the saved files. Great, then I can't lose him, I think to myself.

A/N What kind of software do you guys think Richard put on James his computer?

Don't forget to leave a comment or/and a star on this chapter!

Sorry that it sometimes takes so long to post chapters of this book, I promised to focus on this book and that is still there, but sometimes I have very little time to write things. My own metal health has also been mixed this past few weeks and I have been sick for a few days. I am also looking for some inspiration to work with that can bring the whole story together. The last chapters I have already written out, which is why it took so long to get this chapter online. Thank you for your understanding and support! And remember, your mental health is important too! Dare to talk about it with people you trust!