The Love That We Deserve

Diamond in the Sky

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"I love you..." I hum in pleasant bliss as Owen hugs me from behind. "I love you..." He continues to whisper into my ear. "I adore you..." Gentle kisses litter my shoulder then my back. "Te amo mi amor." I turn around to look at him into his sleepy eyes. "Mi vida, mi corazón, mi alma." He kisses my nose then my cheeks and lastly he kisses my lips slow and passionately.

I pull away with a bite of my lips. "Things that turn me on: your morning voice, you talking to me in Spanish, you." I cup his face as he pulls my hips towards him. I smile when he kisses me and starts to move down my jaw and to my neck. His hands start to move down my body to the bottom of my night gown. I hold my breath as I feel him lift it. "Baby..." I whisper to him as he gets more heated. He hums thinking that I was getting into it. "Wait, no, Owen please stop." I push him away.

"W-what happed?" He cups my face wiping the tears that I didn't even know were falling. "Did I-"

"No!" I lay my hand over his. "Of course not." I give him a kiss and get up from bed. It's around two in the morning the rain calming down with its calming song. I walk over to the balcony and open the doors. "It's beautiful outside." I watch as the forest is covered in darkness and fog, the rain splashing across the water. I close my eyes taking in the crisp fresh air. Suddenly I feel arms wrap around my waist and I panic. I push away from them with a scream.

"Bella! Hey, it's me! Owen!" I take a breath and look up at him. "Petal please tell me whats going on." The look on his face brakes my heart. I haven't really let him touch me very much. And if I do it's always short lived. We haven't had any sort of intimate moment with him not since before I gave birth and he has been very patient with me. "I love you and I want to help you, but I can help you if you don't let me." He slowly walks up to me.

"Wait." I hold up my hand stopping him in his place. "Ok. You're right." I give him a teary smile. "Just wait." He nods and sits down on the love seat. I walk over to the open doors and walk out just enough for the mist of the rain hit my face. The water give me a sense of stability. "When I was fifteen..." I take a deep breath. "I was..." I feel the word get stuck in my throat. "I was uh, wow this is much harder than I thought." I begin to laugh. I bend over holding my stomach as my hair falls down my face. In the midst of all my hysterical laughter I hear Owen start to walk up to me. Knowing what he was going to do I stop laughing and hold out my hand. "Please don't touch me." I hold back my tears as I see the heartbreak of my words on his face. "It's not that I don't want you to, because believe me amor I want nothing more than to feel you hold me." I breakdown crying. "But if you touch me, my brain is going to make me think of him and I don't want that. Just wait."

"Ok."

I take a deep breath. "I never saw it coming. He was my friend, someone I trusted with everything I was, and he took advantage of me." I slumped down the glass door letting the rain wash over me. "When I was fifteen I was raped." I look at my husband the man I love sit across from me tears in his eyes brake for me. "I was robbed of my innocence that night and I never told anyone except Dr. Shale and now you." I move closer to him, just enough where I can feel his warmth. "I wanted to tell you for a while but I couldn't. I have been dying for fifteen years and I didn't know what else to do but cut." I inched my fingers to his and intertwined my pinky with his. "I didn't see it coming... h-he, uh," I clear my throat. "He, I remember this man that I used to work with, someone who I trusted tremendously, I can't even remember his face or anything about him just that he would walk me to my car just like he did on that night. He made jokes, he opened the doors for me, he walked on the outside of the sidewalk, he was a true gentleman." I feel my eyes water. "Until he wasn't. I didn't even see it coming."