she is new. she smells like a fresh field of flowers in the middle of june, her eyes are big and brown and her touch is sweet. she is nine days old. her skin is spider-silk and she speaks to me with gentle cries when she is sad, and trembling sobs when she is alone. i kiss her forehead goodnight. i always wanted a baby sister. she is mine. she is new, untainted, i will not let the world break her like it did me. she is beautiful.
she is nine years old. she is new. she is untainted. she is beautiful. she stands in front of the mirror in her yellow sundress, a flower ribbon tied in her long brown hair that cascades down past her shoulders, her posture is strong but the picture is wrong. her eyes are too glossy, her cheeks a bit to red as she stares at her reflection. her gaze a bit too cold, a bit too harsh. her eyes are bitter, her fingertips reach out to grasp the glass but falls short. she is crying. she watches tears flood her vision and she is a bit better now that she can't see what looks back at her.
"what's
wrong?" i ask, letting my fingertips dance across her damp face. the way her freckles glimmer in the dim light like a thousand stars, her beauty is uncanny to anything i have ever lie eyes upon.
"i am too ugly to wear a dress this beautiful, it all just looks so wrong." her voice cracks like glass and her eyes are shattering into a million pieces beneath my touch. i take my hand away from her and take her in. she is so young, so pure, so innocent.
"no, no, no." i whisper. am i too late? did i not tell her she was beautiful enough? i am sure i did- every night. and every time she got chocolate on her cheeks, every time she sent me a goofy grin, and every time she laughed. i am only fifteen, what am i supposed to say? when i was her age i had no one, so these thoughts damaged me eternally. i must save her. she is new. she is untainted. she is beautiful.
"who let such a thoughtless thought into your head, girly?" i ask, frowning. we sit upon my floor like it is a field of flowers in mid june. like we are alone and everything is just us for a single moment.
"the kids at my school-"
"are cruel. they're not smart enough yet to see true beauty. they're envious of your eyes, and the way they shine like diamonds. they are jealous that you wear stars upon your cheeks. they are jealous that you touch the clouds with your fingertips, jealous that your hair is the color of chocolate. they are envious that you look like june and talk with such wisdom. they cannot stand the fact that you are beautiful, dear, so they will try to tear you down. they will try to pick apart your million dollar smile. their words- they are only words. don't let them hurt you, dear, you're such a beauty with that sundress, don't be depressed. show everyone that beautiful smile, show everyone that beauty. you're the most beautiful girl i have ever lie eyes on. god constructed you with the best of ingredients, and let me tell you, he did a good job. you glimmer underneath my gaze. you are so strong that your ribcage struggles to contain your heart- it's wild. you're a wild flower, in the middle of june. and god, i love you so much. and god, you are so beautiful."
"you're right. i am beautiful. i don't care what they think. it's my body. it's my thoughts. and i know that i am beautiful."
she smiles her checkerboard smile of blacks and whites and kisses my cheek.
she is new, she is untainted.
she is beautiful.
- UGLY UGLY GIRL THEY SAID
[in which alaska knows a certain little girl who is like a flower in the middle of june].
