GOD what am I doing?
my fingers feel like flowers that dangle from my limbs, and I swear my nerves are dainty stems and I feel they are strained, stretched over taints losing skin but God, you never made me feel more alive, you never made me feel more invincible- you brought me immortality, you brought me love.
BUT WITH LOVE, my dears, comes inevitable heartbreak. he told me golden things, kissed me with silver linings, our love was a spontaneous creation of sweet nothings. i have been compared to flowers, to the night sky, to the glimmer in a thousand eyes and it was more than enough for me, the way his lips tasted deep in the night, the way his fingers traced lines upon lines into my skin, like cocaine laced my innards and marijuana sprouted from my lungs, i was a drug. he was a bit of an actor.
his name rolled of my tongue like l's in the morning, lulling and melodic like a sweet little song we sing to eachother to distract from our obvious lack of reality, a drowning generation. he said we'd survive, he taught me how to swim. but he never taught me how to survive a current, nonetheless a tsunami.
his lips fled like poison ink on to plenty pretty girls with ribbons and hair in curls and eyes of skies and i could not compare, i knew it, the second i got stashed away and our dreams of a better day began to fade away until we were left with nothing except the past, my name fled fast from your memory and yet you- you fucking compose me. i am built from your words and torn down from your actions, i am a masterpiece of your own discretion, do you laugh at me now that you see i can't function without your touch?
i wish that tsunami would take me under already, i'm tired of struggling against the current that weeps your name.
- CURRENT [...]
[in which I find this in my drafts and polish it up so I can call it an update.]
-alaska
