A Change of Scenery

Chapter 7: A New Cancer

Melancholy is our soul's way of letting us know that it's dying. In a sense everyone is dying. Ever since birth we are already dying, we are predestined to die in the future no matter what happens. Death is inevitable and nothing can escape it. Then again what is happiness? Why are people happy despite knowing that life is meaningless? That no matter what you do in this world it vanishes in a flash with death. Joy is a painkiller, it eases your way into death easily and with no discomfort whatsoever. Knowing that death is on its way brings to reason that it's better to go painlessly. However depression is a cancer. It is constantly growing in your system, eating you alive until the painkillers don't work anymore and then from there on is a living hell.
For at this time the fear of death isn't what cripples you. It's the feeling of being alive. There is so much cancer in your system that you would rather die than bear the horrible pain. And that is what I have to live with everyday. Yesterday I tried to pull the trigger but Dean saved me. That showed me the real purpose. The purpose of why I should live despite wanting to die. If someone you care about sees you with cancer they want you to survive, in fact they hope you will and that hope is all humanity has left. If you rob them of the hope they have you'll infect them with the disease that's already tormenting you. One of my condition does not live for them self, but for those who he inspires hope upon.
And so I live despite my cancer, despite my pain, despite not having Mia alongside me to comfort my ailments. I live for the people who are there for me. Yes I lay here hoping Mia would come through that door and sit by my hospital cot and converse with me about science and philosophy and art and beauty and most importantly about us but such fantasies are over. I can't worry about this for the rest of my life. Bigger things are at stake, much bigger things.
As I laid there contemplating my emotions and duties, a familiar scent hit my nose and the sound of the door creaking at 12:00 am woke me from mg stupor. It was her....