A Change of Scenery

Chapter 5: Cigarette Daydreams

"Ignorance is bliss and hope is eternal my friend." Dean said as he handed me a Carmichael Menthol. We were in our usual spot, the roof top of the Morrison Building. I inhaled the smoke, hoping that the fleeting sense of euphoria would give me answers or peace of mind about the events that transpired today. Dean noticed my pain due to the lack of conversation as I stared at the pale moonlight. "Hey Colt, you know I'm no Dr. Phil but you can pay me to be one if you'd like." I smirked and answered "What, did your pimp let you go?" "Ouch, that's cold man haha, but seriously whats the matter with you, is it about that girl you met in summer school?" A flash of Mia came into my head the second he said that, and a deep pain struck my heart worse than any blade ever could. Mia Valentine, the girl that now I am suffering for. I thought about how much I loved her, then I thought about how completely idiotic I am. How could I fall for this girl after just a month of knowing her? Am I really that desperate for affection that I am willing to submit my entire emotional array at her complete disposal in just a month? I hated it, I hated being in love with her at that moment but at the same time I couldn't help it, I felt that not one person in this world has ever made me feel like I need them in my life but her, to me she was the fire that I need to keep me warm in the cold, desolated abyss that is the life of a human being. And now she's gone.
In the life of a clinically depressive person, there are moments when one feels lost and questions their purpose in existence, when they ask themselves "What am I supposed to do?" "What is my purpose in this world?" "Should I, a blip on the radar, even exist?" All these things flowed inside of me like the nicotine coursing through my lungs. I felt truly lost, the enigma started to overpower me till I could no longer hold back the streams coming out of my eyes. I wiped my tears before Dean could see them and threw my cigarette butt down into the streets of my hometown. I was jealous of that cigarette butt, the way it gracefully fell to the ground, feeling the wind one last time before plummeting into nonexistence, painless redemption. I wanted that to be me, and so I stood over the edge of the building. "Uh Colt, what are you doing?" Dean said in a rather conspicuous tone. "Thanks for the smoke D." and with that sentence, I felt my body let go, collapsing into the beyond, maybe i could finally be at peace, I smiled as everything slowed down. "Colton!!!!" was the last thing I heard, and then everything dissapeared.