Girlhood, lipgloss and stupid boys.

Chapter five

I go to bed after a nice cold shower to wash the evening off. I feel pretty good going to bed. I sleep really well which is strange for me. And I wake up to some nice messages too. The group chat with my friends named: Hola
Rosie: Morninggg!
Imogen: good morning.
Brooke: hi guys!
Plus a message from Noah and I feel guilty about the fact that I feel happy.
Noah: Morning bumblebee. Bring a good sandwich today. Like ham and cucumber? Or salami?
Brooke: I'm not your personal chef.
Noah: After yesterday you do still owe me..
Brooke: I can tell you're manipulating me..
Noah: I bet you like it.
Brooke: Ewww. Ham and cucumber it is, weirdo.

I shower and put on a tank top and some jeans. I don't usually like wearing stuff like this but I feel extra happy and confident today. I even try not to wear makeup. I end up wearing mascara (and lipgloss is a given) but I don't wear concealer and I'm oddly proud of myself. I go downstairs and make a ham and cucumber sandwich for my lunch. I also eat a breakfast bar. I've never felt better. My mom was asleep in the guest room but she leaves a little note:
'Don't stress. You're amazing.'
Is written on a pink postit note. I actually feel really good for once. I've always been content with my life but there's always something I'm stressed about. I can't feel anything today. That is until I hear the honking of a horn. My body tenses up and I run outside.

"Hey baby." He looks me up and down. I'm wearing my usual sweatshirt around my waist since it's hot. "I don't like your top. It seems like it'd look good on prettier girls." He says before kissing me. Then he holds my face in place. "You look tired, too."
Then I get in the car and sit next to him. What should I say to that? He's right too. I hate my arms in this shirt and I can't believe I thought that I looked okay without concealer, "I'm sorry.." I mumble. "You really should be." He says. I don't even need to check that he's joking because I know deep down he isn't. He places his hand on my thigh. I put on some lipgloss.

My first lesson is boring and my second lesson isn't as fun as I remember, I've got science which is good because I get to sit next to Peter. His hand is on my thigh the whole time and know how it's all my fault that he's mad at me. When we part ways for lunch, however, he kisses me and says he loves me. I like how that makes me feel. The fact that someone loves me.

I still feel like shit about how I look, though. Imogen let's me borrow her concealer because she's nice so I feel a little better. And even though I'm boiling, I feel better in my sweatshirt. I sit with Rosie and Imogen and actually enjoy it (not that I manage to eat) Then I remember that I owe Noah a sandwich. I go to find him and Colton. "Noah. Sandwich." I say handing him my lunch bag. "You actually made it! Thank you, bumblebee. I don't want the rest. You should have it." He offers the bag back to me. "Just bin it." I sigh. He stands up right in front of me and pushes the bag into me. "Seriously, Brooke. You. Should. Have. It." He says more sternly. Not in a way that scares me, though. He sits down while I'm still processing it. I see my brother looking at us funny so I just mumble a quiet. "Thank you.." to Noah.

When I get out of school I'm expecting to carpool with the girls like usually. But the only person waiting for me is Peter. I'm confused and worried for a second then he grabs me and kisses me and I'm ecstatic. He gets these little moments where he's insanely grumpy but he's great other than that. He holds the kiss for longer than usual. We get in the car and he talks a lot about how much he likes me and how pretty I am and I love it. After this morning it feels weird but I still love it. Then I notice he's not driving me home.

"Where are we going?" I ask, looking around. "My house." He replies, matter of a factly. "What? Why? I wanna go home." I say. "And I want to have my precious girl staying over." He squeezes my thigh harder. "I'm really not sure.." he squeezes it even harder. It kinda hurts. "Ok...I'll stay." He leans over and gives me a quick kiss. I like it...I think but I'm not sure anymore.

We go into his room and he immediately pushes me onto the bed and kisses me. I attempt to speak but he kisses me again. I really don't like this. But I'm supposed to. "Can you..slowdown?" I say once I can get a word in. "God. You're not even pretty enough for me to want so whatever." I'm shocked. The same guy calling me gorgeous on the car ride here is doing this now. I go to the bathroom and cry. I don't think lipgloss can fix this. Why do I always screw everything up with him? I suck..