Girlhood, lipgloss and stupid boys.

Chapter eight

"I just have zero idea why you'd take him back like that, Brooke. Why would you?" Rosie says as she drives. "I knew you wouldn't get it. Most of his behaviour was my fault. He loves me.." I reply. I've honestly been asking myself the same thing. But he does love me..I think. "That's not how you treat someone you love. I don't get why you'd stay with that..dick when there's great options everywhere. There's a pretty great option right in front of you." Rosie responds. I raise an eyebrow at her. "Where exactly?" I question. "Um..Noah? Duh." She responds, as if it's obvious. "Excuse me? You've gotta be kidding." I respond, laughing a little.
"I'm being serious. It's so obvious he's into you." I go a bit red. I don't know if I want him to be into me..it just complicates things even more.

I'm sitting in my room watching Gilmore Girls and painting my nails on my bedroom floor. My phone rings. It's Noah. I feel like after the promise I made I shouldn't pick up but what if it's urgent? "Hey." I say once I pick up. "Hello, bumblebee. What you doing?" He asks in response. "Watching Gilmore Girls. And painting my nails." I reply. "Oh yeah. I started that show. Couldn't finish it though." He responds. He started that show? First Taylor swift now this? "You should finish it! Or watch it from the beginning!" I say, excitedly. "Nah. What colour are you painting your nails?" He asks. "Pink." I reply. "Paint them red!" He responds. I like the way red nails look but I've never thought they're my thing. I don't think red looks good on me. That's what Peter says. "No..thanks.." I respond. "What if I watch Gilmore Girls and you paint your nails red?" Noah offers. "Fine." I reluctantly agree. I don't really know why he's so adamant about me painting my nails but I kinda love the idea of Noah watching my show.

I have to use some of my moms nail polish since I got rid of pretty much all my red items. I stay on the phone to Noah and listen to his reactions to my show. He's so easy to talk to. My main sources of happiness are my friends, my mom and strangely..Noah. I attempt to force Peter onto the list but I can't find it in me. I don't want to avoid Noah..but I can't upset my boyfriend, right?

I get up the next morning and get ready. I don't make a ham and cucumber sandwich. I slipped into conversation last night that I didn't need Noah to drive me to school. I don't usually like eating breakfast but I've been trying really hard to keep some healthier habits. I get to eat with my mom which is good encouragement. I'm in the middle of my food when Peter honks his horn. "That boy.." my mom mumbles under her breath but I hear it. I don't finish breakfast, I just say bye to my mom and run outside. "Hey babe." He says once he sees me. I kiss him through the window and go to sit next to him. "I hate your nails." He says once he sees them and then puts his hand on my thigh. "Well, I like them." I say with an odd aura of confidence I don't usually have. He raises an eyebrow and squeezes my leg a little harder. I put on some lipgloss.

I see Noah at lunch and I have to watch the shock and (what I believe to be hurt) on his face. I don't like it. And I don't like Peter forcing me into a kiss by grabbing my face. He's just doing it to get under Noah's skin. Imogen and Rosie don't seem pleased that Peter is there either. I don't like any of these feelings. Noah takes the hint and doesn't sit with us. I don't enjoy this lunch. And I don't feel like eating, I wish could have a ham and cucumber sandwich right about now, though. Imogen does offer me an Oreo and I usually wouldn't take it but I- I don't get to answer for myself. "No. She's doesn't need an Oreo." Peter answers for me. Rosie scrunches up her nose in disgust. "Good thing I wasn't asking you, Peter." Imogen says. The contempt and disgust as she says his name is very apparent. "Um.." Peter squeezes my thigh even harder. "No..I'm good.."

When I'm at home and that night I get a phone call from Noah and I force myself to decline the call. Things go on like this for a few weeks. I go on dates with Peter and stay round his house. My friends don't talk to me at much or at least I can't find the time. My mom was supposed to have left by now but I'm glad she hasn't. And I'm avoiding Noah. He keeps trying to talk to me but we I avoid him. Even when he's at my house talking with Colton I avoid him. I don't know if I'm doing it JUST because I was told or also because I know if I'm around him too much I might start to- don't worry. I've been feeling really terrible about myself lately. I haven't been eating much. I eat ham and cucumber sandwiches every now and then. Surprisingly they've become one of my favourite foods. I paint my nails red a lot and wear red. Peter makes me feel like shit every time I do. But life is..fine.

I'm standing in front of my fridge deciding if I even want to eat again today. "Hey, bumblebee." I immediately want to run away once I hear his voice but he also has one of those comforting voices. I stop in my tracks. "Um hi.." I don't look at him. He messes with his wavy blonde hair for a bit before speaking. "Why have you been avoiding me, Brooke..?" He asks me. "Oh, uh..have I? Sorry.." I reply. "Just tell me why, Brooke. Did I do something?" He says. "No. You haven't done anything." Except for being the reason my boyfriend has  been acting even more like and asshole and also possibly making me like him but that's really nothing. I also remind myself that I do not like him. "Then why have you been avoiding me? Did Peter tell you to?" Noah asks. "No! Maybe I just don't wanna be around you!" I yell and then run upstairs. Why the hell would I say that?! At least now I don't have to worry about avoiding him, he'll probably do it for me. When I make it to my room I cry. I cry a lot. Because I'm stupid and I can't make any good decisions. I don't deserve my friends or my mom or being happy or feeling pretty but I deserve Peter. And I deserve the way he makes me feel.